Leap of Faith - Rory and Logan
by LoveNCreativity
Summary: "I found myself standing at the edge of a cliff. Behind me was a safety net, yet I was looking at Logan, and looking to jump." At 26, Rory is finally happy - until that fateful night where she sees him in the crowd, looking back at her. Sometimes, what lies in front of you is not just a jump. It is a leap of faith. (Post finale)
1. Prologue: Our Start

❤ Prologue ❤

If I saw myself now, but a decade ago, I would have screamed.

I would have went into full Rory Gilmore rant mode, to say anything to kill time. So this blood draining moment could never pass, and the pure horror that threatened to follow would cease to come into existence. Yet here I was, feeling only a bit freaked out, and still quite far from throwing up all over my pale green blouse, complete with white dress pants.

Without a doubt, my insanely mellow mindset was due to the man standing beside me, holding on to my waist and calming my soul. I glanced over at his attire that matched mine, smiling to myself at how handsome he looked, even considering the suit's unconventional color. Then, of course, I caught myself and gave my conscious a vehement scolding for such ridiculous thoughts when I was literally standing inches away from death.

Taking a deep breath, I looked up one more time. This time, I looked directly into his eyes, searching for a confirmation that I had not gone insane for not protesting to what was to come. In his warm, familiar eyes, I found what I was looking for, and more.

"Are you ready?" He gave a boyish grin so big that the shadow from his light lashes touched his cheeks. Concealed behind the smile I was so familiar with, was the tiniest hint of nerves only I could tell. "Do you trust me?" He added, his eyes twinkling under the fervent sun.

_You jump, I jump, Jack._

Instead of replying, I got on my tippy toes and leaned into his chest until my lips were flush with his. In response, his arm surrounded my waist and pulled me into his body, slowly closing the distance between us. His other hand traveled to my face and lightly cradled my cheek as his lips moved against mine. Even with decades to come, I didn't think I could get a hold of the way he kissed me. With passion. With life.

I didn't know what was going to happen in the next minute. But one thing I did know of.

_This is our start. This is the moment it all becomes real._

We had a whole future ahead of us, waiting for us to unveil the surprises, at each and every turn.

Together.

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**Thanks for reading and please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**

I am a huge Rory and Logan fan and wanted to share this story of Rory's life post-graduation. It is a realistic (yet romanticized) look at what could have happened between Rory and Logan in their lives years after they have parted ways.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls or any of the characters. I also do not own any of the songs in this story or any of the lyrics!


	2. Chapter One: The First

❤ Chapter One ❤

On Friday nights when I was little, my mom and I would watch re-runs of our favorite movies. I would dress in my flannel pajamas, with wet brown locks dangling behind my ears, and cuddle with my mom on the couch. There, I found comfort in knowing what each Friday night in the future held.

To my eight year old self, every Friday I could remember consisted of my mom's embrace and the scent of coffee coming from the cup in her hands. We watched _His Girl Friday_, _Funny Face_, and _Casablanca._ All of which were described by my mom as flawless, timeless and any other synonyms she could find in a thesaurus. Being predisposed to not only her genes, but also daily reminders of her impeccable taste in just about anything, especially movies, I was due to fall in love with the films I was introduced to at an early age.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Of all the pieces my mom and I watched time and time again, I always had a soft spot in my heart for the escapades of Pippi Longstocking. I would imagine myself as Pippi, clad in a blue cotton dress along with flaming red hair that's pulled into gravity defying pigtails, sailing the world. I wished to be as strong, humorous and unconventional as Pippi. I wished to be someone who stood out from a crowd and established her own values. Most of all, I wished for a life filled with passion and adventure.

After the movie, my mom and I would belch at the top of our lungs to the lyrics of the theme song.

Freckles on her nose  
diddle diddle di  
a girl came riding  
into town one day  
diddle diddle di  
she was quite a sight  
it's Pippi Longstocking  
say ho ho he ha ha  
it's Pippi Longstocking  
there's no one like her

To this day, I still remembered the sound of our voices and the look on my mother's face as we recited away. We were a duo and a team. We were best friends.

Then, when it was bedtime, my mom would tuck me into bed and tell me "I love you" along with as many phrases as she could come up with to bid me a good night. Once in a while, as I looked into my mother's electric blue eyes that resembled mine in every shade, I would get a feeling that one day, I could be bold, I could choose a life of excitement, and I could live up to the ferocious DNA twisted and packed inside every cell of my body, given to me by my mother. My mother, who was a rebel, free-spirit and the strongest person I knew.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Unfortunately, I was held down by responsibility, need of security, and my hardworking nature since my precocious youth. On the outside, my mother and I were as similar as two peas from different pods. That was to say, we both had fine, brown hair and a pair of clear blue eyes donned on a heart-shaped face with ivory skin. Even our names on legal documents were identical, Lorelai Gilmore, although I was affectionately known as Rory. However, personality wise, I was more of the make-every- decision-with-an-extensive-pro-con-list girl, while my mother lived life to the fullest capacity of quirkiness and shock-factor.

Having a child at sixteen was an exceptional, albeit unplanned, exhibit of rebellion from my mother and considered notably high on the shock-factor scale by my high-class, traditional grandparents. Further, my mother refused to marry my dad and cut ties with everything my grandparents raised her to be associated with, as in the Hartford society. This huge step led to the point of my existence, the world as I knew it, and the person I was today.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I was raised in Stars Hollow, a small town half an hour drive from Hartford, and grew up surrounded by the care of the quirky townspeople. I ate pop tarts for breakfast, drank multiple cups of coffee day and night, and lived for the greasy comfort food served at Luke's diner much to the dismay of the owner, Luke Danes, who adamantly disapproved of the Gilmore girls' addiction to caffeine and junk.

In preparation for Harvard, I went to the prestigious Chilton Preparatory for my sophomore year. Although my mom and I had been planning my Harvard life since I could roll syllables off my tongue, practical thinking led me to Yale when the time came for the all-important decision. Though I didn't realize it until much, much later, it was that decision that ultimately changed my outlook on life and led me closer to the life filled with passion that I've always secretly desired. There were many factors that came together to shape my experiences at Yale. However, one important factor, in the form of a person, comes to mind.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I had loved my fair share of boys in my twenty-six years of existence. There was Dean Forester, my first love. It was a mostly sweet affair (and for a brief period, literally) that lasted on and off throughout my Chilton years up until my first year at Yale. Sometimes, when I saw uniform-clad teenage couples gazing with googly eyes at each other on the subway, I remembered Dean. I suppose we were just as sickening and naïve.

Then, there was the boy of my "bad boy phase", Jess Mariano. He came into my life just as suddenly as he was able to steal my heart. My high school self was no match for his magnetic, dark charm. Sure we would fight, he would run off without as much as a goodbye, and there was an incident involving my car, an animal in headlights, and me breaking an arm, but we connected through our eclectic taste for the same kind of music and literature.

The third boy I have ever loved was the significant figure during my time at Yale. Although third in chronological order, in many ways, he was the first.

He was the first to make me feel emotions so intense that I couldn't fathom, the first to bring me out of my shell and bluntly tell me, and I quote, "come on, you look like you need a little adventure." He was also the first to be there for me through the many hard phases of college.

Logan Huntzberger. His name alone deserved a complete sentence in my book. The first boy I ever went long distance with, ever lived with. Ever believed was "the one".

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After many ups and downs, I now found myself with the fourth and final love of my life. It was right after I graduated from Yale and started working as a reporter for Barack Obama's presidential campaign that I met him. His tall, sturdy build, wavy hair the color of dark chocolate, and sweet brown eyes captivated the attention of all the female in attendance at our first orientation.

We were briefly introduced to each other by my boss and was swiftly led away to meet the other excited bodies who I would be spending the next two years with on the road. Although I hadn't given much thought to Sam Hayes' good looks that day, Sam told me later on that he knew we would be something special the first time he laid eyes on me.

Over time, Sam proved to be much more than his handsome looks and revealed to be a soft spoken individual who can sometimes even be coined as a tad dorky. He became a much-needed friend and confidant throughout the campaign tour. We shared stories when we were bored, a listening ear when the other was frustrated, and secrets of our pasts that we would, otherwise, prefer to never mention. Whenever there was some down time, we would bond over our mutual obsession for Marx Brothers films such as _Duck Soup_ and _A Night at the Opera_. When one of us couldn't sleep at night, we would stay on the phone, debating about the theme in one of our favourite books, _Anna Karenina_.

However, the ultimate reason for our close knit bond was the fact that Sam was the only person I could talk to about Logan. Sam Hayes was a lot of things, but the one thing I gave him the most credit for was his incredible patience. It was because of Sam's patience that we were at where we were today. He was a patient listener and, truthfully, sometimes a therapist as I fought with my heartbreak for almost two years. During the course of the campaign, one of the journalist would often give hints my way regarding Sam and I taking the next step. However, I wasn't ready to jump into a new relationship when nightmares of Logan walking away on the day of my graduation still haunted me. Therefore, I acted like I never caught on.

Eventually, the pain I felt in my chest slowly receded and the number of times a day I thought of Logan decreased. After two years of waiting on Sam's part, I finally felt ready to accept my past and move on. I suppose I have Sam to thank for my sanity, and I made mental notes to remind him every day.

When I looked at Sam, I saw my best friend, my past, present and future. I saw a man who knew me at my lowest and loved me anyway.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

My two great loves. I suppose I always knew that, someday, I would lead a life of passion and adventure. With every passing Friday, a little secret too embarassing to admit found me and gripped onto my young heart.

I wanted a movie kind of love. How Harry met Sally. How Rick kissed Ilsa. I wanted a love that spun fireworks and shooting stars, at just the mention of his name.

I had always been afraid of the unknown and risks. But, I never knew what fear was until now. Until I was face to face with the life I could have, the person I could build it with, yet be so afraid to risk it all, and jump.

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**Thanks for reading and please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**

Update: I apologize for the long exposition. Looking back, I feel that it was a poor technique for the first chapter. I promise this is the only chapter with this much narration and no action :)


	3. Chapter Two: Blue Violets

❤ Chapter Two ❤

Of all the rules to life that I learned in the Gilmore household, the following is applied at a daily basis. When you've been staring at a computer screen for six hours straight, there are three things you need to get you through the day. One. An extra-large caramel macchiato with an extra shot and whip cream. Two. Pop tarts, in assorted flavors, for ease of selection according to your mood at hourly intervals. And finally. Sing-off breaks. _Lots _of sing-off breaks. When your eyes start to feel strained and droopy, sing-off breaks will get you through.

I had been at the office, working on my article since six in the morning. It was now 12:05. Before I could turn to my best friend and co-worker, Candice Harrison, to complain about the exhausting ache in my eyes, head and practically every inch of my body, she dragged me off to her car without saying a word.

So here we sat, in her beat-up 1999 Honda, of a color euphemistically described as day-old red kidney beans, singing off-key at the top of our lungs to "Shadowplay" by Joy Division. Lined up under the dashboard were more of our favorite old hits from bands such as the Smiths, the Velvet Underground, and, dare I forget, the Bangles. It was quite an ambitious cue for the 15 minute drive to our favourite café, JooJoo's. JooJoo's was situated at a walking distance from the heart of New York City. The volume of traffic created from the city's daily hustlers made sure that our drive would unpleasantly consist of waiting in traffic and swerving to dodge the audacious jaywalkers. But, because a car was the perfect, and quite frankly, the only location for our much needed sing-off, Candice and I happily sat in traffic and sang our stress away. We sang and bobbed our heads to the traffic light, to the passengers in the cars beside us, and to each other. Candice held her right hand up to her mouth as a microphone and shook her blonde head from side to side. Her green eyes shone with humor as she attempted to hit a high note to end the song. I grinned, thinking how fortunate I was to have a friend in her.

After exerting incredulous self-control to prevent ourselves from tearing our hairs out, trying to find a parking spot, we sat down at a table by the window and ordered our usuals. I leaned back and observed my surroundings. The café's pale green wallpaper, cream colored counter tops and white chairs and tables were littered with plates, mugs and customers busy on their laptops or phones. The frequent display of electronics at dining locations was a usual sight, considering this was one of the busiest cities in the world. Having lived in this city for a year now, I had settled into a comforting routine and had a list of my most frequented spots. JooJoo's, with its simple, yet delicious food and to-die-for coffee, was high on the list. Although, no place I've ever been to can live up to the standards of Luke's diner back home. But hey, a Gilmore's gotta have her coffee.

Relaxed, I watched my friend from across the table, who was now focused on adjusting her coral silk blouse, neatly tucked into black dress pants.

"So, did you end up seeing Jeremy last night?" I raised an eyebrow and poked her arm to get her attention.

"Mmhm." Candice was now adjusting her high pony tail, which was glossy and neat, with no stray hair visible to the naked eye. A bystander would assume she came from an international symposium, having dined on expensive wine and peel-less grapes, instead of just been gyrating to the grooves of Ian Curtis.

"My, you are being _very_ wordy today." I teased. "Stop with the excruciating details before my ear drums pop open."

"Okay, fine." She dramatically laid her hands on the table to prove that I had her fullest attention. "Jeremy and I saw each other last night, we had lobster bisque for dinner, then steamy sex for dessert. In the morning, we got up, got dressed and went our separate ways. We'll probably never see or hear from each other again." She eyed me, challenging me to say something to the contrary.

"Mmmmhm." It was now my turn to express my thoughts in two syllables. "Funny, I heard the exact same things from someone who looked awfully lot like you about ten times now. The menu for dinner varied though. There was bouillabaisse, chicken pesto, salmon tacos to name a few. But interestingly, the dessert has always been unchanged. And now that statement that follows, boy, have I heard it so many times that the phrase has lost all meaning." Okay, so I lied. I was never one to express my thoughts in fewer than a dozen words.

"Rory!" Candice scolded. "Someone like me can't just be placed off the market. I've got to keep my options open."

This time, I rolled my eyes and took a sip of my coffee. Okay, maybe it was more of a gulp.

Candice and Jeremy had been seeing each other frequently for the past few months. They were both extremely attractive and highly interesting people. The problem was? They were also both incredibly stubborn and believed in the "don't put all your eggs in one basket", "the grass is always greener on the other side" and that "there's plenty of fish in the sea". I could see the compatibility between the two from a mile away. It was only a matter of time before they realized it themselves and went steady.

"Anyway, enough about me. Aren't you celebrating your one year anniversary with Hayes tonight?" She leaned towards the table with genuine interest in her eyes. She had always been so supportive of my relationship with Sam and was the first one I went to with any issues or news. In the year that I've known Candice, I had never hesitated on telling her anything. Except, there was Logan. I had never told Candice about Logan. In fact, I hadn't mentioned him to anyone since I started dating Sam. Perhaps it felt like a form of betrayal if I brought up his name. Or, perhaps I was afraid of the feelings that would surface if I ever opened that Pandora's Box of heartache. Over the years, I learnt to tuck away my feelings for Logan in a safe place, deep down in my heart. The pain I felt never went away, but it diminished the number of times I thought of him every day. I was with Sam now, I would tell myself. I shouldn't dwell on the past. I should move on.

"Sammy says he's taking me to somewhere special. He's keeping it a secret. You know how well I handle surprises." I spoke after another large gulp of the caffeinated goodness in front of me.

"So you've been bugging him non-stop every day, huh?" She shook her head.

I gave her a mischievous grin in response just as our food arrived.

We took one look at the mouth-watering food in front of us, and silently settled on stopping all conversations as we devoured the items on our plates. Candice and I. We had a telepathic connection. It was no wonder we could be such good friends, yet be so different in many ways.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After lunch, I tried to get back to my article and get as much done as possible in the next five hours. As I was pulling out the thick piles of color-coded folders from my desk cabinet, Jenny, the receptionist, came over to give me a delivery. Just as I thanked her and took the flowers and small, long envelope, Candice came rushing to my side. You'd think the girl had one eye on her paper and the other on me the whole time.

"Open it! Open it!" She bounced up and down on her heels like a child on Christmas day.

I couldn't help the grin that was spreading across my face as I looked at the display of blue violets in a pastel blue flower pot. The thing was so small and delicate that it fit nicely on my desk. Blue violets symbolized faithfulness. "I'll always be true". It belonged to Sam and I. He officially asked me to be his girlfriend amongst a field of blue violets, underneath the setting sun. It was a beautiful moment that we would always remember.

I picked up the envelopeand opened it. In it was a small piece of paper, the same size as the envelope it came in. As I turned it over, my eyes grew wide and the gears in my brain went into full work mode.

"A plane ticket to Melbourne?!" Candice's eyes widened. "Did he get into the exchange program at the uni?"

Sam had applied to the exchange program for graduate studies as soon as we finished the presidential campaign. It was his dream to study abroad and Australia was his top choice. He lived there with his dad for a couple years during his youth after his parents divorced. During our touring days, he talked about how he missed it.

"I, I, I don't know!" I turned to her. "I have to call him. I have to find out." I reached into my top drawer frantically looking for my phone.

"Wait, read the note first." Candice pulled out a small card from the envelope that I previously missed and waved it in my face.

I grabbed it and read it while holding my breath.

Before you get too excited,  
hold your thoughts  
and wait for me to explain during dinner.  
See you soon. Happy Anniversary.  
P.S. you can breathe now

Love, Sam

"Oh, shoots" I pouted. "Sam and his secret keeping habits know no bounds."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I checked my reflection once more before I reached for my olive green clutch on the bathroom counter. My brown hair was in soft curls that traveled down my shoulders and caressed my pale face. I had accentuated my light eyes with a hint of mascara, and added some color to my cheeks. My lips were moist with a light layer of strawberry shortcake lip gloss. Although twenty-six in age, I couldn't resist the idea of make-up infused with the essence of a dessert. I stepped back against the wall to take a final look at my dress. It was a strapless, dark green piece that clung to my body, and traveled down my curves, all the way to the floor. I felt it was a good look for a one year anniversary dinner. I couldn't help but remember the last time I had one of those. I was twenty-one, my forehead had been covered with cute, brown side bangs, and I wore a little black dress. _I was with Logan._ A wave of nostalgia threatened to hit me and I quickly buried the memories that were on the verge of escaping before it surfaced too high. I couldn't let my thoughts go to him. Not now.

Just then, I heard the doorbell ring and walked into my living room. As I opened the door, a smile split my face.

"Hey." I tip-toed and gave Sam a peck on the lips.

Sam whistled appreciatively as he stood at the door in a grey suit and navy dress shirt. His dark hair was coiffed neatly and his brown eyes danced under the hallway lights. "You look unbelievable, milady." He faked a silly British accent.

"You're not half bad yourself." I gave a playful smirk as I grabbed a cardigan from the coat rack placed by my door and led Sam into the hall.

In the car, I kept bothering Sam with the questions "Aren't you going to tell me where we're going?" and "Did you get the position?" while also keeping my eyes on the road, in an attempt to figure out our destination. After twenty minutes, I felt like I had a pretty good idea as to where we were headed. However, Sam was unwavering on not revealing any information until we got there.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"I was right." I declared. "Admit it, I was _so_ right."

Before us, was the quaint little restaurant, La Quercia, in the form of a cozy looking cottage with dark green ivy traveling along the heights of the faint, yellow walls. An exquisite garden was on display in the front lawn, with roses in every shades of pink. This magical place was where Sam and I had our first date. I smiled, thinking that it was also a fitting place to spend our anniversary. Sam walked up behind me and took my hand in his as he led me down the pebbled walkway, towards the door. We were greeted by the hostess and brought to a cozy oak table by the window facing the back garden. The view was breath-stopping just as I remembered. There were rows of rose bushes in full bloom, violas of every color of the rainbow and a delicate pebbled walkway that led to a gazebo in the center of the garden. Scattered all around the walkways were tiny flowers, the color of the evening sky. Blue violets.

"This is a really wonderful surprise Sam." I looked up at him, half in awe and half in excitement.

"I knew you'd like it." Sam reached over from across the table and took my hands. "Happy anniversary, Rory." He looked me in the eye with such sincerity and love. Then, he reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a small, velvet blue jewelry box, holding it towards me.

For a second, I froze. My smile plastered on my face as my heart flopped in my chest. Seeing my reaction, he chuckled. "Don't worry, it's not what it looks like."

I laughed nervously and reached for the box. As I opened it with extreme care and nerves, I was met with the most gorgeous necklace I'd ever seen. Two side way hearts were joined at the tip to form an infinity sign encrusted with sparkling diamonds against the white gold. This must have cost him a fortune. But, my heart filled with love as I knew what the necklace represented. Sam and I. Forever. Infinity.

"Rory, you know how much I love you. And that I'm in it for the long haul." He held my gaze. "I got the two year internship in Melbourne, Ror. I would like more than anything for you to go to Australia with me." He looked at me with hope and, also, uncertainty.

I stared back at him. That was a lot of information to process in thirty seconds.

"We can find an affordable apartment and you can find a job as a journalist. We can explore the new country together. It would be great, Ror. I know you've always wanted to travel. This is our chance. I don't want to be away from you. I want to be by your side and make you smile every day." His tone was now urgent. "I know this is sudden, but I can give you time to decide. We don't leave 'till August. That's four months away. You can take as much time as you need. I don't need an answer right awa-."

"No." I made up my mind.

"Rory, just take some tim-"

"No, I mean no, as in no I don't need time to decide, Sam." I cut him off. I took his hands and looked him in the eyes. "You've been there for me for three years. I don't even know what kind of mess I would be today if it wasn't for you. I want to be there for you. I don't want to be away from you neither."

As the sentences flowed out of my mouth, I realized every word of it was true. Sam was my best friend and I loved him so, so much. I could move to Australia for him. I could start a new life. Deep down, I knew that I didn't want this to be a repeat of history. I had known what it was like to reject the person I loved more than anything, and suffered the consequences for years afterwards. I could have had a life with Logan. But, I'd let it slip. Now, looking at Sam, I knew I could have a life with him too. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

"Are you for real?" Sam broke into a huge grin and let out a sigh of relief. He held my hand up to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss. "I can't wait Rory. I love you so much."

"I love you too." I smiled, my face reflecting his emotions. I was excited, thinking about our life in Australia. But, I wondered how my mom would take the news. I would miss her so much. And Candice too.

"We should celebrate Rory. How about we go out with some friends tomorrow night? At the pub?"

"I thought that's what we were doing here." I chuckled. "Besides, I have a work function to go to tomorrow night, remember? My boss has been nagging about it for days?"

"Oh, that's right. The welcome party for the company moving into the building? You said something about a big shot from California starting up a team in New York."

"That's the one. Apparently, this guy left his huge family business and found his own line of work. My boss wouldn't even release his name, saying he wanted to stay low-key and rather not have people making connections of him to his family." I thought that it was noble and brave of him. It was funny to judge a person who I never met. I pictured a guy in his forties, with a balding head and blue twinkling eyes.

"Sounds like a big shot to me." Sam chuckled. "It's odd talking about someone without knowing his name."

"Joe Green." I looked at him with my head raised high, confident in my choice of name for the mysterious figure.

"Don't tell me you've made up a name for him." He shook his head while a smile played at the corner of his lips. "But, hey, it's not the first day I've known you."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

As we enjoyed the rest of our meal, we talked about things that happened at work, at Berkeley, where Sam studied for a Master's degree in journalism, and anything and everything. My conversations with Sam always flowed so naturally. It was easy and relaxing to spend time with him. Of course, it also helped that he was the personification of the word handsome.

"Since I can't see you tomorrow night. Shouldn't you be making it up to me tonight?" Sam raised an eyebrow and leaned into the table until I could smell his familiar aftershave and minty breath.

"Okay, but remember, I don't put out unless I get dessert." I shot back half teasing, half serious.

"Like I said, it's not the first day I've known you." He leaned back in his chair with a grin and looked over to his right to get the server's attention as he put down the bill. "But, what do you say I whip up a dessert for you myself?"

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**Thanks for reading and please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**


	4. Chapter Three: Moments

❤ Chapter Three ❤

This was heaven. I looked into the distance, and saw rays of light shine through a window ornate with dark wood shutters, feeling its warmth wash over my body. The dark red carpet and colorfully tinted ceiling lit up under the sun's gentle graze. Myriads of shades danced across the walls and floor all around me, trapping me in an enthralling kaleidoscope. Curiously, I extended my hand and tried to grasp the medley of colors floating in the air. I watched in awe as the colors landed in my hand, and lifted off without leaving a trace. _Unattainable._ The thought came to me with a sudden, great sorrow. Temporarily released from the light's enchantment, I stole a look at my surroundings. To my sides were rows and rows of books, kept neatly on dark wood shelves that seemed to extend into an eternity. I gently placed my hand on the nearest book, and brushed my fingers cautiously along the spine, afraid that any careless move would shatter its delicate pages. _Pushkin: A Biography_. By J.T. Binyon. I pulled out the book from the shelf, yearning to feel the rough pages between my fingers and smell its rich history. With no conscious effort, I lifted the book to my face and sniffed in the scent of age and knowledge. Nothing, _nothing_ smells like that.

"I'm sorry, excuse me. Did I just see you smell that book?" A voice from behind startled me out of my reverie and caused me to spin around on my feet.

In front of me was a man with ruffled, dirty blonde hair, soft eyes the color of caramel, wearing a subtle, amused smirk. His expression said it all. Unattainable. Yet, there was something about him that made you stare for just a bit longer than you should. Maybe it was the smirk. It was a kind of smirk that made you want to kiss away. Or, maybe, it was the look in his eyes. It reflected a wilderness that made you want to tame. Personalize. Possess. I swallowed nervously as I stared into those eyes. I wanted to make him mine.

"Logan…" My voice came out weak and small.

"Whatchu doing there, Ace? Couldn't find the pub?" He gave a smug frown and tilted his head to a side. "I'll take you there. It'll be fun. Bring a book to sniff." He broke out into a grin that barely hid his amusement.

Annoyed, I retorted. "What are you doing in a library, anyhow?"

"Breathe, Rory." He instructed. "What happened to the good, old, witty banter? I'm just teasin'." He added lightly and took a step towards me. We were now inches apart. The proximity lured me into looking him deep in the eyes. Suddenly, I was very aware of the last few inches between us. I wanted him to come closer. I wanted him to clear the gap.

He remained still with his head lowered, and held onto my gaze. "I'm really glad to see you, Ace." A small, sincere smile crossed his lips. His eyes were so full of warmth that they seemed to liquefy before mine. I felt my lips dry as I held onto my breath. It was impossible to follow his instruction when he was this near.

"It's nice to see you too, Logan." I whispered a barely audible reply. For some reason, I found it hard to speak when he was looking at me like that.

Logan's face lifted into a smile that immediately relaxed me. He seemed relieved, and excited. "God, I never want to leave you, Ace… This is it. All or nothing." He brought his head lower until we were at the same level, eye to eye. Sweetly, he said. "Will you marry me?"

Four words. He sprung those four words at me out of the blue. I heard a soft gasp that might have escaped my lips as I stared at him in shock. While I stood there, I saw Logan's expression slowly change. In panic, I wanted to say something. Yes. I will. _Anything_. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't open my mouth. I was literally frozen. Every cell of my muscles betrayed me at this critical moment. All I could do was continue to stare. Before me, I saw Logan's face shift from expectant, to anxious, to disappointed, and finally, weary. He didn't say a single word and I knew anyway. It was too late. I wanted to reach out and grab him. I wanted to scream something to make him stay. But all I did was watch as he said.

"Goodbye, Rory."

With a final look, he turned and walked away. He left, just like he said he would.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

My eyes fluttered open in panic as beads of sweat dripped down my forehead. _Logan. _He left. How could he leave? I frantically looked down my body and, to my relief, saw an arm draped across my stomach. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, giving my heart time to settle down from its erratic beating. It was just a dream. Logan's still here, sleeping beside me. It was not real.

I calmed down at the thought of Logan lying next to me. Smiling with relief, I turned onto my side to face him. Under the moonlight, he looked so young with his serene face, closed eyelids and lips turned slightly upwards. His dark hair spread messily on his head. For a second, I was very confused. I stared at the dark shadow in front of me and willed my brain to make sense of it all. Then, it all came back to me. _Sam_. Our anniversary dinner, the blue violets, the necklace, and the plane ticket formed scattered pictures that came rushing into my brain. I couldn't help but panic. How could I have been so disoriented to think I was with Logan? And that dream. I've had many dreams of Logan over the past years, but none of them had been this vivid. He called me Ace, his nickname for me. It was a reference to me as an Ace Reporter when we worked at the Yale Daily News. My heart ached at the thought that I would never be able to hear it again. Just then, I felt Sam stir beside me.

"Ror..?" Sam mumbled sleepily with his eyes closed.

"It's okay. I had a bad dream." I managed to get the words out, trying my best to sound unfazed.

"Mmm." He mumbled and scooted his body closer. His hand raised into my hair while he kissed my temple.

I stayed awake, for however many hours, until my alarm clock rang, staring at the ceiling. After three years, I had mastered the art of not letting the dreams of Logan get to me. I told myself that it was just a dream, that I shouldn't let something of the past affect me, and would forget about it by the end of the day. Luckily, the techniques worked for the most part. I stored away the images and vowed to not dwell on them. On the unlucky side, no matter how hard I tried, one phrase kept spinning in my mind. It was said with so much pain, so much disappointment, and so much meaning. "Goodbye, Rory."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"What's wrong?" Candice furrowed her brows and held up the unfinished pop tart from the plate to my face, as if it was the absolute evidence to back up her accusatory looks.

"It's nothing, Candice. I just had a bad sleep." I tried hard to sound convincing. I finally put the dream behind me. I didn't need a reminder of the dark circles under my eyes too.

"Rory Gilmore, should I remind you that it is a crime in the state of New York for best friends to keep secrets from each other, especially ones that make them look like they've been hit by a train, traumatized for life and then dragged to work."

She pulled up a chair and sat on the other side of my desk with crossed arms, facing me with determination and concern. Nothing stopped her when it came to digging up juicy details. But this time, I was resolute. It was enough of an ordeal to finally coax myself to get up, shower and get dressed this morning. There was no way I was going to open the can of worms now by telling her about Logan.

I forced a small chuckle and retorted, "Gee thanks for the compliment, and may I remind _you_ that a gossip columnist of the City Gazette, with an education background in mass communications, isn't exactly in the position or power to pass criminal laws to their liking."

Before she could protest, I held up a finger and said, "and I have to call my mom now. It's Conrad's first day at preschool and I promised I would call for moral support. You know my mom, you wouldn't want to be the reason for my disappointing her. She's got years of Chinese takeout chopsticks saved up in the kitchen drawer and she's not afraid to use them." I gave her an apologetic smile and shrugged my shoulders.

Candice pouted in defeat. She uncrossed her arms and waved her right hand at me as if to say "go on".

I picked up the phone and pressed 1 for my mom's speed dial. As I heard the ring on the other side, I mentally prepared myself to put on a cheerful attitude. It was not that I couldn't be myself around her. She was always understanding and I could tell her anything. However, I didn't want to bring down her spirits because I knew today was an exciting day for her and Luke.

"Was it a bad idea to send him off in a green fluorescent onesie with the head of a giant cartoon bird on it for his first day?" My mom's familiar voice came through the phone. Her speech was fast-paced as usual.

"Hi to you too, Mom. Don't worry, Connie's two. Nobody in preschool will care. They'll think it's cute, adorable and precious. Anything toddlers put on can be given the same description." I assured her.

"I just think they won't get it. Conrad, and the bird. What if they think it's Big Bird? Or Tweety? Or, oh, oh, Donald duck?" Now, she was just having fun naming as many cartoon birds as she could think of.

Mom named Conrad after Conrad Birdie from one of our favourite musicals, _Bye Bye, Birdie. _I've always liked the name too. It was of old German origin and represented bravery. I saw my younger brother growing up into someone who faced every day with courage. Conrad Danes, it was the name of someone important and admired. I smiled and felt so happy thinking of Connie. His big blue eyes, and light brown hair was the epitome of a Gilmore. He also had the nose and lips of his dad, making him the perfect souvenir of my mom and Luke's love for each other. When Mom and Luke got married a little less than three years ago, they knew they wanted a child of their own. Naturally, when Connie was born, he instantly became the talk of Stars Hollow. He was the product of Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes, an unlikely couple in the eyes of many. It was unbelievable how far they'd come. In many ways, it seemed like a huge surprise. In other ways, it felt inevitable. My mom married her best friend. This made me think of what Sam and I could have.

"Oh yeah, Mom? I have something to tell you. It's about Sam..." I started nervously. I had no idea how my mom would take the news of me moving to Earth's other hemisphere. Without pausing, I told her in one sentence. "Sam got the two year position in Melbourne and asked me to move there with him and I said yes."

"Oh my holy mother of the king of crabs! That is brand new information!" My mom practically shouted into the phone.

I was taken aback for a second. That was not the reaction I was expecting. Then, it dawned on me. "You already knew?!"

"Um, yeah. Sam actually called me and told me about it. He wanted to make sure I would be okay with it before asking you." My mom explained, with fondness in her tone. "He didn't want to cause any disagreements between us because he knew how much you cared about my opinion."

"Aw…that's really sweet." I felt so touched. Sam was always so considerate of my feelings. Then, I felt guilt. Here I was being a monster, having dreams of another man, while Sam was planning our lives together. I silently vowed that I would always stay true to him no matter what happened.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"Yowza. You look hot, Gilmore." Candice eyed me from head to toe and nodded approvingly as I walked out of her bathroom, showing the result of her one hour fuss over me and my attire for tonight's function. I felt my cheeks flush as I stood there.

I might have won the battle this morning regarding my somber appearance, but I was completely defeated by Candice's insistence of letting her pick out my outfit for tonight. I was dreading going to the party since all I wanted to do was curl up with a copy of _Bel Canto_ and forget this day ever happened. She said that it was crucial for me to attend, all dressed up, because it was the key to lifting my mood. She also said that she needed a flirting companion, before I kindly reminded her of a certain Hayes in my life. Finally, she said that there would be cake, which I had no complaints to. So after half an hour of bickering, and an hour of being her mannequin as she held up dress, after dress to my body, here I stood in a backless, black dress that was cut slightly above my knees. It had halter straps and a plunging neck line that was, to my relief, covered up by an only slightly see-through, intricate mesh of black lace. My hair was held up in a loose bun, with curled strands falling in the front. I must admit, I did look good, which was a surprise considering the four hours' sleep I had gotten. Also, I did win a small victory in the makeup department. Candice finally let me settle on a bit of mascara, blush and lip-gloss. Then, she also added a bit of concealer to cover up my dark circles.

"You look really good too, Candice." I said as I noticed my friend's gorgeous pale pink dress. Her wavy blonde hair flowed like silk down her back. The green in her eyes contrasted her dress color in a bold, exotic fashion. I had a feeling she would be leaving tonight with more than a dozen phone numbers in her purse.

"Oh no, don't you turn this on me. Tonight is about _you_." She pulled me towards her dresser as she picked up a pink perfume bottle and gave my neck a quick spray.

I giggled and rolled my eyes. "If I remember correctly, tonight is about our boss's obsession over this Joe Green."

"Ah, this Joe Green." It was now Candice's turn to roll her eyes. "I can just see it. Toupee, pocket protector, hair sticking out of his nose, and a cigar in his mouth, he is just the whole package."

That was it. I couldn't get the ridiculous image out of my head. I believed from then on, if I ever saw this man around work, I would always think of him as Joe Green, the silly gentleman of our imagination. After grabbing our jackets and purses, Candice and I giggled all the way to her car.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Logan Huntzberger.

I couldn't believe my eyes. There it was. The very name of the man I had loved more than life itself, on the piece of paper in front of me. Right above David Hustwith, and just below Rachel Hamblin. I felt my vision start to fade and my hand tremble.

"Miss? Are you alright?"

I broke out of my shock and looked up at the lady sitting in front of me. "Thanks, I'm fine. I will just sign in beside my name." With great effort, I found my name while black spots danced across the page, and managed to put down a signature with my trembling hand. I really felt like I was going to pass out.

From then on, my mind was going at a thousand miles per minute. I had a complete debate team fired up in my head. Could he really be here? What was he doing here? Maybe it's a different person, I assured myself. But, I knew that was not true. Logan Huntzberger was original. He was unique. At least, he was in my mind. Oh my god, I'm going to see Logan. Or maybe he won't show up. Or maybe he _will_ show up and I _will_ see him. Oh my god, I need cake.

I walked aimlessly around the banquet hall, forcing a smile once in a while if I noticed any stares. I could be looking into those caramel cream eyes at any turn. I didn't think I could handle that. I thought I just might faint. Thank god, I listened to Candice and dressed half decently. I hoped I still looked okay. What if I looked like a mess? What would he think? What if he was here with a _girl_? It was a good thing Candice was rushed off by some of her old friends to mingle or she would have freaked out at the state I was in.

"Rory! How are you, darling?"

Amanda Jenkins, from publishing, excitedly came up to me and held out a drink in my direction. I looked down at it and accepted it.

"Isn't this exciting?! I can't wait to see who this Mr. Big Shot that Peter has been going on, and on about is." Amanda had always been a bit of an enthusiast. I would sometimes get to work at six in the morning and she would still be there, bouncing off the walls. I forced a smile and nodded in her general direction. My vision was still a tad fuzzy.

"Look at this turn out! You literally wouldn't be able to get to half of the people here in one night." Amanda's huge smile and rows of chemically whitened teeth flashed in front of me as she turned from side to side, waving to the people all around us.

Out of politeness, I turned my head and looked around. I realized I was on the second floor by the wooden railing that overlooked the gigantic hall underneath. The stairs were carpeted and wide, with people standing on the sides, chatting animatedly. When did I go up a flight of stairs? I couldn't go on tonight looking like a walking corpse, I realized. Besides, Amanda was right. The place was so packed that it was unlikely to run into anyone. I looked around and couldn't locate Candice's blonde hair and pink dress anywhere. In two hours, I could be sitting soundly in Candice's car, listening to the husky coo of Morrisey. Finally, I let out a breath and felt better. It didn't matter that I could still run into Logan. It just mattered that I was now calm and composed, and no longer looked like a cast from _Dawn of the Dead_.

For the next hour and a half, I stayed by Amanda's side as she dragged me around every corner of the second floor, talking to as many male guests in their late twenties as she could pin down. There were only minutes left until Peter's scheduled big speech. Then, Candice and I could steal some cake and leave. Inside, I felt relieved, which I expected. What I didn't expect, was the heavy pang of disappointment.

"Where did Candice disappear to, anyhow? I haven't seen her all night!" Amanda asked.

"Oh, I can go find her." I gave her a quick smile and turned to find the stairs. My head was starting to hurt from all the gossip anyway.

This venue really was enormous. I squished, as politely as I could, between groups of older guests and dodged as a school of expensively dressed, young socialites walked towards me, laughing and waving their drinks in front of their peers. Eventually, I located the stairs and made my way towards the steps. I looked down at my feet as I tried to avoid the few grapes and crackers littered on the top flights, undeniably there because of the youngsters who passed me earlier. Having successfully passed the disaster zone without tripping and falling on my face, I lifted my head as I continued down the steps. While I scanned the crowd gathered at the bottom of the stairs for any sight of Candice, my eyes fell short on the figure in the middle, staring right at me. I froze as my breath caught in my throat.

If I was ever hit by a train going at fifty-nine miles per hour, I was pretty sure this was what it would feel like. My whole body was paralyzed and buzzing at the same time. I couldn't feel my toes, arms or fingers. All I felt was the forceful pounding of my heart against my rib-cage, furiously trying to escape my body. My eardrums were repeatedly attacked by the thunderous sounds coming from my chest. The insides of my head swung from left to right, leaving my vision helplessly compromised. I couldn't hear or see anything going on around me. All I saw was him.

His dark brown eyes were wide with surprise. His honey blonde hair was combed neatly to a side, a style which made him look mature and irresistible at the same time. He had on a classic black suit covering a white linen shirt, and dark navy tie. The figure stood there, staring at me. His face grew paler by the second in front of my own eyes. He looked like he had seen a ghost, an expression that mirrored mine. It was a look of pure shock. A look that would burn in the back of my mind for years to come.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

There are moments in every girl's life they wish to re-live over and over again. Not the kind that brought a wonderful feeling of butterflies in their stomachs, or made them so happy that they could die right there and then, and it wouldn't have mattered. But, the kind that you look back on and say, that was the moment that changed everything. Without that moment, you wouldn't be standing here today. And you wish to re-live it, so you can know it at the time, and feel its importance and impact with every ounce of your being.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**

The final scene was actually how this whole story started for me. One day, I went through some of the older songs on my phone and was listening to It's Gonna be Love by Mandy Moore when the images of Rory and Logan meeting each other at a party, while she stood frozen on the stairs, staring down at him, came to me. Then, bits and pieces of the plot filled my head and, voila, here's my story. :)


	5. Chapter Four: Dark Chocolate

❤ Chapter Four ❤

In a Gilmore's heart, love can be measured in chocolates. White chocolate is for first loves. It is pure and simple, and leaves a sweetness that can be reminisced on cold, gloomy days. Milk chocolate is for the ones you know will last. Your love is thick and flavorful, and always a source of happiness. In my heart, true love is dark chocolate. It is deep, intense and undeniably raw. It wears no masks and tastes of only the most natural ingredients. It brings out flavors and emotions that extend deep into your soul. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

You know you've got it bad when there are hundreds of bodies in a jam-packed room, with thousands of distractions swimming around, yet all you see is the person standing in front of you, a few feet away. From the moment our eyes met, Logan and I stood frozen for what seemed like an eternity, just staring at each other, absorbing the shock and letting it sink into our systems. After what could have been seconds, minutes to hours, reality kicked in and we both knew the trance was broken.

Comprehension started to register in Logan's eyes as blood slowly returned to his cheeks. He seemed to pull himself together with ease and grace as he casually slid his hands into his pants pockets, and shifted his body into a relaxed pose. His neatly combed hair really gave him a look beyond any description of sexiness, the thought couldn't help but cross my mind, as I continued to stare, dumbfounded. The smallest hint of a smile formed on his face as his eyes bored into mine. It was impossible to know what he was thinking. All I knew was that he was much better at this reuniting-after-three-years-in-a-crowded-room thing than I, as I remained glued to the ground. His eyes warmed as he looked at me, which was my cue to come to life from the wax figure I had become. The frontal lobes of my brain screamed at my muscles to lift my right foot off the ground and take the first step. Soon, I felt myself moving down the remaining stairs in what seemed like a snail's pace, my eyes never leaving his. I could fall and make this already awkward moment even more deadly, but I didn't care. I didn't, _couldn't_, break the powerful eye contact between me and the man before me, out of fear that he might vanish into thin air if I just as much as blinked. I feared I wouldn't reach him in time to feel the heat radiating off his body, confirming that this moment was real. When I was finally standing just inches away, I saw the corner of his lips lift into a heart-stopping, genuine smile.

"Long time no see, Rory Gilmore." The sound of his husky, velvet-smooth voice filled my ears, and hit me right in the center of my heart. All those dreams, in all those years, never did him justice. Being in front of him now, filled me with so much sensations that I had to pray I wouldn't burst into tears right there and then. I looked at him closely, trying to memorize every feature of his face, every detail of this moment, in case it all disintegrated into nothingness at any second. I could have sworn there was the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes. Once again, his expression was my cue.

"Indeed." It was all I could muster. I silently cursed myself for the stupidity that came out of my mouth. Three years, _three years_ apart, yet I chose "indeed" as the first word I would utter.

As if reading the inane conversation going on in my mind, Logan gave a slight chuckle. "So what brings you here on this fine evening, Ms. Gilmore? Business or pleasure?" As if he was not already giving me symptoms of an eminent heart attack, he threw a smile my way, the kind where his eyes squinted, and the shadows of a dimple formed on his left cheek.

But this time, I refused to let him get to me. I replied in a mock serious tone, "I'm here as an insurance such that I don't wake up in the middle of the night, to my boss standing over me, holding a knife."

"Ah, business it is then." His eyes twinkled with mirth, captivating mine.

Everything about this situation seemed surreal. This morning, I was living my normal life of brewing coffee, pouring bowls of honey nut cheerios and typing away at the computer. All of which were things I had done for the past years on a regular basis. Now, I was standing face to face with the very person from my dreams, bantering about my boss's slightly crazy tendencies. It was dizzying and exhilarating talking to Logan. This was not a dream, yet it was a million times better, also a million times more nerve-wracking. I felt my palms start to sweat as he continued to look at me.

Racking my brain for something to say, I glanced at his hair and blurted out. "I like your hair. It's pretty. I mean, it goes with your suit. You have on a pretty suit and pretty hair." Somebody please kill me now. While I was babbling, I could see his smile get bigger and bigger, no longer trying to contain his amusement. At least one of us is finding this entertaining. I scowled and crossed my arms in front of my chest, mostly just so I had something to do.

He chuckled and turned his head briefly to the side before looking back at me and said. "Don't get too used to it 'cause it's a one-time only thing. This party, it's quite a big deal. I thought I'd do my part." He looked down at the ground, and with his head still lowered, his eyes came up to meet mine. "I know you've always liked my hair."

My heart involuntarily did a flip as my reply came out naturally. "Well, you're no David Hasselhoff." I couldn't help but smile.

Logan looked down and chuckled. "Yeah, I can't compete with that." He looked up and asked. "You know many people here? Maybe you can show me around."

"Aside from the people at work, not really. Oh, and there are David Hustwith and Rachel Hamblin." I thought out loud.

Logan tilted his head, bemused. "And they are…?"

"I just, I saw their names on the signup sheet. The one at the front desk, with the kind lady guarding it? I was looking for G, but the papers stuck together, so I ended up looking at the H's. I guess I flipped the pages too quickly. Or, I might have sticky fingers…" I slowed down as I saw Logan's expression. His eyebrows were raised, and his mouth was open in amused mockery. Quickly I added. "It's a condition, really." I felt my face burn.

He nodded without a word, and continued to look at me with that secretive smirk. Agitated, I frowned and demanded. "Why are you here, Logan?"

"Open bar."

"Logan."

"Olive platters, cured Italian ham, peel-less grapes, chocolate almonds with gold foil."

"Logan…"

He finally looked at me, and opened his mouth to say something.

Just then, the sound of glass clinking interrupted us. Before we knew it, we were half-pushed, half-dragged towards a platform situated in the center of the great hall. Somehow, Logan and I ended up in the front of the crowd, feet away from City Gazette's very own, Peter Morand. Peter held up a glass of champagne in each hand as he stood tall, looking business-like and significant. His greying hair was swept back from his forehead, placing focus on his sharp, grey eyes, and defined eagle nose. Some might describe him as striking, in an intimidating sort of way. He cleared his throat and jumped into his speech. He went on about our company's history, past and current collaborators, and finally, tonight's objective.

"It is my great pleasure to introduce you to our most recent collaboration partners from El Palo Express, California. We have been working on a possible partnership for months, and tonight ends the wait. I am flattered to know that their finest men will be heading up a business journalism team in New York City. They'll be sharing the office space on the seventh floor. So, let's give a warm welcome to our new neighbors and business partners!" A roar of applause echoed through the hall, only dying down as Peter cleared his throat once more.

"Without further ado, it is my honor to introduce you to the fine gentleman, chosen as the head of the new department. His work, in his young age, deserves much reverence and recognition." Peter paused for effect, and, to my surprise, looked right in my direction. "Logan Huntzberger, everyone!" Another round of applause surrounded the hall, while I watch flabbergasted as Logan made his way onto the stage.

What just happened? Why is Logan going up there? Why is he shaking hands with Peter and holding a glass of champagne? A hundred questions fired rapidly in my brain, before realization dawned on me. _Oh my god._ Logan is the big shot from California who left his family business to pursue a career. Oh my god, I will be collaborating with Logan and possibly seeing him _every_ single day. I felt the room spin around me. I have had way too many surprises in one night for my little heart to handle. And _where _is my cake?!

I watched as Logan gave his short speech and felt my face display all shades of pale. At the end, he held up his glass, spoke something, and tilted his head back as he took a small gulp. Finally, he raised his glass once more while his eyes locked with mine. There was a mischievous glint in them that made my already wobbly head swim. As if realizing I was in a packed room for the first time that evening, I suddenly felt like I needed some fresh air. Almost gasping for breath, I pushed my way through the crowd towards the door. I looked back once, and saw Logan being swarmed by greetings and handshakes.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The cold night air hit my scorching face with a refreshing force. Instantly, my body cooled down and my breath evened. Standing on the driveway, I closed my eyes while focusing on shutting out every thought in my head and concentrating on my breathing. The yoga meditation lessons Candice dragged me to, now, seemed like a savior. Eventually, I opened my eyes and took in the scenery before me. The wide driveway was lit by small gold-framed floor lamps, placed in equal distances on either side. Contouring the driveway were fuchsia hydrangea and lilac shrubs that emitted doses of fragrance into the air. The view outlined a scene right out of _Pride and Prejudice_, as I imagined Darcy's manor. It was almost impossible to sense anything but tranquility when you were captured in this spell.

"There you are! Ready to get out of here?"

I turned around to Candice's voice.

"Oh crap, I forgot the cake! Hang in there Rory, I'll be right back." She hurried back inside on a mission.

I suppose she could tell I really needed the cake. I sighed and wrapped my arms around myself as a cold breeze hit me. I mentally scolded myself for leaving the cardigan I brought in Candice's car. I did not think this through. Then, I sighed again as I thought of all that happened tonight. I couldn't even begin to explain the multitude of emotions I was feeling.

"Taking in this gorgeous view?" The familiar, smooth voice startled me and caused me to spin around on my feet.

As if by magnetic force, my eyes looked straight into his. His caramel eyes were dark as coffee beans under the moonlight. His face was serious, except for the slight curl of his lips. My insides clenched and my heart woke from its tranquil rest and worked at full speed once again. I couldn't remember anyone affecting me this way.

"Logan…" My voice came out weak and small. Blood rushed to my cheeks when I realized the state I was in. Gathering the shattered bits of my courage, I tried to form a complete sentence. "I'm waiting for my friend. Candice. My friend, Candice. From work. She went to steal some cake. She had planned this before we got here today. She said she would get the cake right after Peter's speech and then we can sneak out." I finished the somewhat complete sentences and was met with Logan's unflinching gaze. With nerves, I added. "She's a gossip columnist." I have no idea how that was relevant, but trust me, when you're standing in front of the former love of your life after three years and he's clearly enjoying your nervous behavior, silly sentences flow right out of your mouth.

Then, there was awkward silence.

At least, to me, it was awkward. Logan, on the other hand, was clearly amused as he blatantly displayed his signature smirk at my expense. It was so frustrating how funny he found my obvious discomfort to be. Annoyed, I frowned and asked. "Why are you smiling at me like that?"

His eyes glimmered as he chuckled and raised an eyebrow. "Stealing cake?"

"Yes…"

"Sneaking out?"

"_Yes."_

"I just didn't know you had it in you. That's some crafty business, Rory." There was always the slightest hint of harmless arrogance in the way he talked. It was infuriating. It was endearing.

"Well, you know me. I can be crafty."

"That's right, I forgot you're Rory 'high-stakes deception' Gilmore." His lips curved.

And, I, of course stood there like a person who had grown an extra pair of arms and didn't know what to do with them. However, with the way he was looking at me with such familiarity, I felt myself slowly relax and smile back.

Logan took this as a good sign and came a bit closer. "I know this kind of party's not really your thing. I'm surprised you didn't bring some book to sneak off with and lose your soul into."

I raised my head and replied, "I must admit, I have thought of that. But, I decided this big shot Peter has been boasting about for months, and months deserved my fullest presence today. Soul included."

"I'm flattered."

We looked at each other with ridiculous grins on our faces. This moment consisted of only us. Logan and I. Chatting, just like old times. However, a sudden melancholy touched me as I realized something was off. No matter how easy our conversations were, something was different. He had been calling me Rory. He never called me Rory, unless it was something important. He would always use his nickname for me. I suppose I already knew, from the day he said goodbye, that I would never be able to hear it again. That even if we met again, it would never be the same. "Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not_._" The Stephen King quote floated into my mind. Nothing that survived through time would ever be the same. I knew there was nothing left to do but treasure my time now with Logan. However, I still couldn't wipe away the feeling of regret.

"What is it?"

I came out of my grief and shook my head a little. "It's just, I can't believe you're here… I mean, you're here. Logan Huntzberger, in the very flesh. Standing in front of me."

"I gotta admit. I'm a little creeped out hearing you use my full name."

"You're _here_. You're Joe Green. You don't wear a toupee, or carry a pocket protector, or smoke cigars. And, you most definitely don't have hair sticking out of your nose. But you're _here_." I was breathless from my discourse. I just couldn't believe it.

"I believe you had me lost at pocket protector."

"You know what I mean."

"I honestly don't…" He shook his head, amused.

I breathed and looked him in the eyes. "I guess what I mean is… I'm glad you're Joe Green. I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad to be here too, Rory." He looked so sincere, and even a bit relieved. His sudden seriousness caught me by surprise and my heart flopped in its crate. We both admitted it. Despite the time apart, we were both happy to finally meet. I felt my spirits soar and my cheeks glow.

"So…" Logan said. "Would someone as remarkable as yourself be currently seeing anyone?" He looked at me with a forced nonchalance that made his anxiety evident.

Before my mouth could blurt out a "no", my head stopped it and shoved reality into my consciousness. The few working brain cells in my head chose this critical time to budge in and act responsibly. I knew I had to tell him the truth and my heart broke into a million pieces as I answered. "Yes."

I couldn't even look him in the eyes. And I didn't need to, to feel the waves of disappointment coming from the man before me. I disappointed him again, this mere thought, in a way, felt worse than any heartache.

Logan looked down at the ground, before eventually lifting his head to face me. In his eyes, were such sadness even his skilled charm couldn't conceal. I could see it so clearly, because it reflected my exact sentiments. There was nothing, _nothing_, I wouldn't do at that moment to avoid feeling that way ever again. Then, I had the most horrible thought. I wished I _was_ single. I wished I waited. I wished I could make him mine. I couldn't bear seeing him like this, and wanted to say something. I didn't know what to say, but I wanted more than anything for this silence to end. I opened my mouth to speak just as Candice came into view. My heart sank at the interruption. However, somewhere inside, was also relief.

"Sorry Rory! The lineup turned out to be humongous, but I managed to sneak us extra pieces!" Candice came running with plates of cake in her hands. As soon as she saw my face, she stopped and looked back and forth between Logan and me.

I awkwardly introduced Logan and Candice, and they acknowledged each other in a similar fashion. Candice knew something was going on right away. She quickly made an excuse to go to her car first, but eyed me before leaving. Her eyes threatened. "If you don't want to be walking twenty miles home in heels tonight, you better tell me what is going on here in infinitesimal details as soon as you get your butt into the car."

And then, there were two. Even with Candice's interruption, the somber mood in the air hadn't dissipated. Fortunately for the situation, Logan seemed to have collected himself and was back to his confident persona. Though, it brought an ache to my heart.

"I believe I should let you go." He said with a nod.

"Um, yeah. Candice is my ride and I'm not exactly wearing the right attire for a twenty mile hike. Not that I would ever hike for twenty miles voluntarily. Or any form of hiking, for that matter. I mean, I came with her since I got ready at her apartment. She insisted on choosing my outfit and well, it's also good to carpool. An environmentally friendly and economical choice." I stared at him with flushed cheeks.

He gave a small grin and said. "Tell her I think she made a very fine choice in your outfit tonight."

If my cheeks were flushed before, I was certain they were now scarlet. I cleared my throat and muttered. "Okay. I will. I mean, thanks. I mean, I guess I should get going…" No matter how mortified I was, I didn't want to leave. I had so many questions and so much to say. I didn't want this night to end. I didn't want to walk away from him. From us.

"See you around, Rory." His lips were curled into a tight smile. His eyes, however, told a different story. They shone with a warmth that melted my insides. I knew I shouldn't be feeling this way. I shouldn't be affected. But, I also knew our chemistry was still present. A presence that demanded to be felt.

I looked at him one last time before I told myself it was time to go. Before my eyes, I saw the man I had loved with all my being, I saw the times he would call me sweetly by the nickname that I would never hear again, and I saw the life we could have had, if only we never gave it up. My chest clenched as I finally said.

"Bye, Logan." Feeling the tightness in my throat, I quickly willed myself to move.

Just after I turned around to leave, I heard him whisper.

"Goodnight, Ace."

My feet froze for the slightest second before I started walking again. His gentle words sent a thousand watts of shock into my system as a fire burned behind my eyes, directing sharp stabs into my heart. I clenched my fists as I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to appear. I knew I'd lost as the driveway in front of me fogged up with moisture. _Just keep walking_, I told myself and sped up my pace. Between the gut-wrenching throbs in my heart and steaming, hot tears building in my eyes, all I could focus on was moving one foot at a time, and getting away as fast as I could. Away from him. Away from myself. Years of suppressed memories came rushing into my head with full force. They were unleashed, and there was no holding them back. I felt every kind of emotion and more. It was more than I could put into words, more than I could control. I felt breathlessness, agony and hurt. I felt feelings of joy, of sorrow, of regret. Of dark chocolate.

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	6. Chapter Five: Goodnight, Ace

❤ Chapter Five ❤

**Six years ago**

After several months at Yale, I had grown accustomed to every corner of its historic grounds. I relished the walk to my first class of the day in the fresh morning air, and lived for the frequent stops at the coffee cart to replenish my caffeine level. I could sit in Sterling Memorial Library for hours on end, losing myself in time amongst the thousands of books written by fascinating figures who had lived lives one could only imagine. However, what I loved most was the simplest, yet richest time of the day where I stayed in my small dorm room in the apartment that I shared with my friend from Chilton, Paris Geller, and curled up in bed with a book in my hands. The hours from dusk to midnight were my golden hours. During this time, the area around my building was quiet as most students mingled in the main parts of campus to their hearts' content. I, on the other hand, was happiest savoring that silence and immersing myself in a world far, far away. A world created by Charlotte Brontë, Jane Austen or Charles Dickens, depending on the week. In those worlds, I engaged in a hundred lives. I felt alive.

It had been weeks since Dean and I went our separate ways. I must admit that I was dealing with it better than I'd imagined. My well-being was mostly due to my mind being occupied by a certain blonde at Yale. I kissed him just days ago at my grandparent's wedding renewal party. He told me I was special. I told him all I wanted was string-less fun. He made my heart race like never before. And I made him afraid he would break my heart. Although looking back, maybe, just maybe, it was the other way around. There was something about him, about us, that made me braver than I've ever been. It was a quality I liked in him, and in myself. I suppose what I liked most was us together. I didn't care if he would never give me any commitment. All I wanted was to know what it would be like, to kiss him, to hold him, to have him in my heart.

Besides, living sans-boyfriend meant more spare time to myself during the golden hours. Take today for example, the clock read 10:45, and I was already drifting into an easy sleep with a book on my chest. _A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius_, by Dave Egger, was my choice of the day. It was my fourth time reading it, yet, every page revealed secrets I hadn't grasped. It was a beautiful memoir with a heaviness that consumed my body. His nostalgia was my lullaby, and his words were my drug.

Before I could fall into a deep sleep, I heard soft knocks coming from my right. I got up and walked over to the large square window looking over my bed. I saw Logan's shadow leaning against the other side. Quickly, I drew up the blinds to let him in. He climbed in as a soft heave escaped his lips. We then stood inches apart, looking into each other's eyes.

"Huh, that move always seems cooler in the movies." His honey blonde hair was messy on his head, and his lips were curled into a smile. He was dressed all in black, with a leather jacket fitting nicely over his sweater. My dark knight in shining armor, I thought.

"No, I think you maneuver through a window quite gracefully."

"Thank you."

"I assume you've had practice."

"Nope, first time." His eyes crinkled into a smile.

"I'm sure." I nodded, my face a mimic of his.

We continued to smile at each other, lost in the other's presence. Sometimes, when he was looking at me like that, I could swear time stopped, even if just for a millisecond. The Earth stayed still on its axis and allowed us to have this moment in time, where no one else was moving. We were the only breathing creatures in just that millisecond.

I was the one to break our daze by asking him about the Zydeco music he mentioned earlier during dinner with our friends. We continued to banter, all the while, holding each other's gaze. We spoke on a frequency that reached within our souls.

He reached out and stroked my arm through my long sleeve shirt as he said. "I just wanted to make sure you got home okay."

"Oh, yeah, I got home okay." I nodded. He had the cutest ways to show he cared.

After a few more exchanges, Logan rested one hand on my right arm as his other hand circled up and down my left arm. I found myself addicted to the way he touched me in these small, affectionate gestures.

"I don't believe I said a proper goodnight to you this evening." He lowered his voice, as his hands traveled down to my waist, holding me in place.

Indescribable sensations ran down my spine as the room filled with a buzzing tension. I rested my hands on his arms and looked up at him. "No, you didn't."

Subtly, he swallowed and approached me further.

"Goodnight, Ace." He said with a nod, his eyes dimming in front of mine, and pulled me into him for a deep, sensual kiss. It was a kiss that lured my heart right into the pits of my stomach, joining the butterflies in their dance of life. It left my insides burning with desire.

"I thought you said a proper goodnight." I muttered as I reached my hands into his jacket and peeled it off, while keeping our faces close together.

He let out a soft chuckle as his jacket fell to the ground. "You want to get changed into something more comfortable?"

"More comfortable than this?" I looked down at my blue cotton shirt and grey Yale sweatpants.

"I was actually hoping for some feetsie pajamas." He joked as he looked down my body.

"Aw, now, you know I'm not that kinda girl." I watched as he broke into a bewitching grin. I pulled his elbows, willing him to close in until our lips were locked again. The kiss started out soft and passionate, and deepened as he gained force, slightly swaying me backwards. His hands on my waist brought me back in, lifting me up as I ran my hands along his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck. We backed up until I felt my bed at the back of my knees, our lips never breaking contact.

Eventually, he broke away from the kiss and looked me in the eyes. "Want me to go?" He asked for affirmation.

The tingling burn in my stomach grew with our distance, making it impossible to stand the gap between us. I leaned in to give him a deep kiss as an answer. Before it could accentuate into something more, he stopped and asked again. "Rory, do you want me to go?"

"No." I replied. I backed up further into my bed while tugging at the ends of his sweater.

"Good, 'cause if you think climbing in that window was hard…" His smooth, deep voice was more than I could handle.

"Shh." I cut him off as I sat down.

Finally, he leaned in with a force that pushed my body onto the bed, working our kiss with fiery. This time, he didn't stop as we held each other lying down. I felt his hand travel to my face and hair while I tightened my grip around the nape of his neck. My stomach was in knots in anticipation of what was to come and my skin burned under his skilled touch. I had never felt so many sensations run through my bloodstream, leaving hot trails in my veins. I had been with Dean many times before, but I had never been this sure or ready. I was sure our bodies belonged together. I was ready to make him mine.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Afterwards, we lay in my twin-sized bed, holding tightly onto each other. My right cheek rested on his chest, while his chin was glued to the top of my head. We were entangled in sheets, arms and legs. The proximity made me feel so happy. Like a child, I felt like all was right with the world at this very moment.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Logan's deep voice boomed from within his chest against my eardrum. Listening to him talk in this position was as if I was part of him.

"I'm thinking I really like the size of this bed." I smiled against his skin.

He chuckled and gave the side of my head a kiss. "I like the size of this bed too, Ace."

"But you know what will make this even better?" I lifted my chin to look up at him.

He lifted an eyebrow as his face broke into a childish grin. "A second round?"

I giggled and buried my face into his chest, mumbling, "I was actually thinking of some chocolate chip ice-cream."

"Allll right, we get ice-cream first, then second round." He drawled out his words like it was the biggest compromise of his life.

I smiled triumphantly at him as he started getting up, wrapping the sheets around his hips.

"Hey! Gimme back my sheets!" I pouted.

He grinned so big that his eyes squinted at the corners. "Not 'till you give me my second round."

I continued to pout although the corners of my mouth couldn't help but turn upwards. I got up and went to my dresser to find a tank top and some underwear before sitting back in my bed.

A few minutes later, the door to my bedroom opened and Logan appeared with two bowls of ice cream and two metal spoons.

"Hurray! My knight in shining armor." I reached out for the bowls.

"Here you go, miss." He kissed my forehead before handing me a bowl. Then, he arranged the pillows on the bed against the wall and sat down beside me. We pulled the sheets over our lower bodies and scooted until we were side by side.

"You managed to dodge Paris?"

"Yeah, but I also had the pleasure of hearing her and Doyle getting their own happy endings in the other room."

"Aw, no!"

"Yup." He nodded as if he was trying hard to get the image out of his head.

With weaning patience, I took the spoon from his hand and dug into my ice cream.

"Ahh, the taste of heaven." I exclaimed as soon as the creamy goodness melted in my mouth.

"It sure was." Logan looked me up and down.

"Aw, I hate it when you work blue." I slapped his arm that was resting on my thigh.

He chuckled and put a spoonful of ice-cream into his mouth.

"So tell me more about the Zydeco music. We kinda got interrupted before." I smiled at him.

"Well, let's see. Colin had one too many and was certain he was Cajun. Finn met a redhead with chest the size of Pamela Anderson's and set out to impress her with his exceptional singing abilities. And like I said, I got out when he jumped in on the vocals."

"And like I said, excellent self-preservational instinct." I nodded and beamed at him as we gazed into each other's eyes.

"I wished you were there." He spoke softly while tucking a strand of stray hair behind my ear.

"I wished I was there too. After witnessing Finn's _Passion of the Christ_, I vowed to not miss any of his spectacles."

"Oh yes, nothing you've seen is quite as bad as Finn's _Passion of the Christ_." He chuckled and leaned in for a chaste kiss.

After we polished off our ice cream, we placed the empty bowls on my night stand and went back to cuddling in bed. While lying in Logan's arms, I felt so energized. Any sleepiness that had been there before was gone. I could talk with him for hours and never get bored. Just the smoothness in his voice was enough to keep me interested. He told me about his day, his poker night that week, his next Life and Death Brigade trip and even his sister's upcoming wedding. Then, I told him about my mother's recent antics, my last Friday night dinner at my grandparents, the history elective course I had chosen and Paris's odd behaviors over the past few days.

"Paris got Doyle to sign up for yoga classes to improve his flexibility in the bedroom department?" Logan's eyebrows shot up, obviously amused.

"Yup, and luckily for me, they practice those moves right in the living room every Wednesday evening."

"Well, well, I think I know where I won't be every Wednesday evening." He shook his head with a chuckle.

"Well, this Wednesday evening I'm going to hide out at the library."

"Why don't you come hide out at my place instead?" He looked at me with a smirk. He knew exactly what he would be doing this Wednesday evening if I accepted the invite.

"That is a very tempting proposition and I will consider it after the second round." I looked at him with my chin raised, smiling from ear to ear.

"Aw, I hate it when you work blue." He grinned and put his hands on my cheeks and gave me a sweet kiss.

We then cuddled in comfortable silence as we raised our arms into the air, placing our hands palm to palm. My hands were small and delicate against his. It made me feel so protected and safe, like as long as my hands were in his, he would be mine to keep. Our fingers interlaced and he brought our hands down to his chest and kissed my fingers gently. My heart flipped in response and I couldn't help but wish that I could lie next to him like this every night. Although we had only been together, in this string-less fashion, for a few days, I felt like we've known each other forever. Being with him felt natural, it felt meant to be. I turned onto my side and looked him in the eyes for any hint of what this could become. In his eyes, I saw my answers shining back at me. His eyes were so gentle, warm and full of fondness. Right then, I knew. I knew I didn't need words to understand him or us. All I needed was to look into those expressive, sweet eyes, and I could see his bare soul. We leaned closer into each other and kissed. In our kiss was everything we didn't or couldn't say. Every notion in our hearts was sealed with that kiss. Eventually, we came up for air and leaned our foreheads against each other with our eyes closed. Right then, I fell in love with the way he breathed. The beautiful man before me was breathing in the same oxygen that was coursing through my body and into my heart. It connected us, like a thread from his heart to mine. It was the only string committing us to each other, and the only one that mattered.

That moment, we didn't think about the future. We didn't think about forever. We couldn't have possibly known what was ahead of us then. We were just two college kids, squished together on a twin-sized bed, in a dorm room amongst the thousands at Yale. That night, he didn't give me promises or declarations of love. He gave his heart and his soul. He gave me the feeling that as long as I was with him, all that I've dreamed of would come true. Passion. Adventure. A love that burned deep into your core.

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**Thanks for reading! And please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**

This chapter was obviously a little different in the fact that it is a flashback. This was actually what I had in mind for just the beginning scene of chapter 5 (to have this flashback "Goodnight, Ace" scene to contrast the bittersweet "Goodnight, Ace" at the end of chapter 4), and then I was supposed to jump back into the present and go on with what was supposed to happen in the chapter, the day after Rory and Logan met. However, as I set out to write this, it turned out to be so long. So, I decided to make it a chapter by itself. Let me know what you think!

Again, thanks to all those who left reviews and such kind words! You guys really make my day. :)


	7. Chapter Six: Samson

❤ Chapter Six ❤

There are days you wished the Earth would stop turning, that somehow it would notice your speck of existence, understand what you're going through, and be kind enough to give you a minute to think and to feel without the ticking distraction of time. Today was one of those days. I wished I could shut my eyes and tune out the world. I wished I had the guts to call in sick so I could hide under my covers for however long it would take to feel better again. My head throbbed and my whole body ached in a way that was beyond the physical. It was a pain that originated deep in the chambers of my heart and quaked through every vein of my body. At the epicenter was the image of the man who I once loved, who I'd tried but never forgotten, who re-entered my life just as suddenly as he had left.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

_Just ignore it_, commanded the voice in my head. I felt the glare from two desks behind me burn a gaping hole into the back of my skull. The said glare had been there since I crawled to work this morning and saw the cup of caramel macchiato on my desk, sitting beside a box of JooJoo's mini donuts. I'd caught the eye of my secret admirer and nodded with a grateful smile. I noticed the room was relatively empty and there was a note on the white board above the reception area. The colorful letters read "Come join us for a meet and greet to welcome the El Palo Express team on floor seven! Refreshments will be served." Knots formed in my stomach as I quickly sat down to start my assignment. It was the first time in perhaps ever that I ignored a message offering the word "refreshments". Today, however, I was perfectly content with the treats my best friend left me, desperately trying to avoid running into a certain someone and making a fool out of myself two days in a row. I couldn't even imagine what sort of words would fly out of my mouth if I had to stand within feet of him again. I haven't even begun to understand the intense emotions I felt last night and was definitely not ready to risk feeling them twice within twenty-four hours. I could die an early death.

Now, an hour later, my conscious was reprimanding me with great severity. I should have known better. I should have known that nothing came for free. There should have been a big, fat warning sign in bold, red letters on the coffee cup, and printed on each donut itself. But, because not everything in life happens the way you want it to, I now paid the price for my naivety. I stiffened as I heard someone get up and walk over to stand directly behind me. Briefly, I closed my eyes in preparation for what was to come.

"Rory Gilmore."

I kept my eyes glued to the computer screen as if I developed an ear infection in the last hour that severely compromised my hearing.

"Rory!" The voice scolded with losing patience.

Before I could pretend to type away on my keyboard with utmost concentration, my chair was spun around and stopped until I was looking into a pair of hard, green eyes.

"What are you doing?" Demanded the feisty blonde in nude pumps, a white pencil skirt and mint green blouse. Her tall, lean figure towered over my chair as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot against the beige laminated flooring.

"Working?" I tried for feigned innocence.

"I mean, what are you doing 'working' when you should be hurrying your butt down a flight of stairs to meet and greet your lover boy and have some serious reunited-after-three-years-extravaganza." Boy, did she just get right to the point.

"Candice, as you can see by the piles of papers on my desk that I'm currently quite occupied and don't have time for any meet and greet, no matter how important of a business partner this new team leader is." I gestured to the color coded folders organized on my desk. Then, I leaned in closer after taking a quick peak around and whispered. "And he is _not_ my lover boy."

"I did not get you the comfort food so you can pretend you can avoid seeing him every day for the rest of your months here." Candice lectured. "You have to face him, Rory. Face whatever this is. I did not sit with you last night watching you hold back tears just so you can act like a child now and run away from it all." The concern behind her stern glare was evident.

I sighed. "I'm just not ready. Just give me some more time. I know I'll have to see him eventually."

Candice pulled up a chair beside me and turned my body around so we were face to face. "I know, Ror. It'll be okay. You're one of the most professional journalists I know. If you could handle the Obama campaign, you can handle this. If you can't face him as yourself, then at least take care of it professionally. You can't let him get to you every day while you're working under the same roof."

I gave her a weak, appreciative smile.

"Besides, you can't just avoid all work gatherings from now on. Think of all the cake you'll miss." She got up and pulled me out of my chair, forcing me in the direction of the hall. Just then, we saw the people from publishing walk through the door, followed closely by the rest of our coworkers. They chatted animatedly amongst themselves.

"Oh! Looks like the party's over. Maybe next time." I flashed her a feeble smile and quickly sat back down. I pulled out a folder in front of me in an effort to get right back to work.

I could sense Candice's eye roll through the back of my head, but I didn't care. I knew I couldn't face Logan without turning into a nervous wreck. However, that was not what I was truly afraid of. I was afraid to see him, because every time I looked into his eyes, I could feel my insides melt, ever so slowly, into a puddle of senseless emotions that took over my body. Then, I would think of Sam, and the guilt I would feel was worse than a hundred deaths. I couldn't face Logan, because I couldn't face myself.

Speaking of the devil, a tap on my shoulder made me look up to find Jenny standing there, holding what looked like a pastry box and a note.

"Mr. Huntzberger asked me to bring this to you." Jenny said in her ever-friendly, voicemail greeting tone.

For some reason, she examined my face peculiarly as I stood up and reached for the box, puzzled. Logan gave me a box? What could he possibly have to give me? My mouth dried as sweat formed on my palms.

"Thanks, Jenny." I tried to dismiss her, but she continued to stand there looking from the box to my face. Soon, she caught herself and walked away with a nod.

Candice and I exchanged a look. Mine was a look of confusion, and possibly terror, while hers was full of interest. I opened the folded note with shaky hands as if it would reveal a ticking time bomb. I knew that, bomb or no bomb, whatever was inside would leave me weak at the knees.

Ms. Gilmore,

It's a shame to have missed you at the meet and greet as it was truly my pleasure to spend time with you last evening. You saved me from an otherwise highly uninteresting night. Here's a token of my gratitude. I understand it must have been extremely important matters to keep you away from the great selection of refreshments the party had to offer.

Yours,

Logan

What do you know, I was right. I felt my legs turn into jelly as I tried to casually sit back down. Dumbfounded by the words, a million thoughts flooded my brain. He addressed me so formally, but with a definite undertone. I stared at the signature "yours". What did it mean? Was it just a polite, formal term, or was it something more? The thought that it could mean he was mine brought a wave of nostalgia. As Candice examined my reaction, I opened the box and found myself staring at a dozen delicate pastries decorated elegantly with pieces of fruits and chocolate. There were Danishes, apple strudels, chocolate croissants and many more that I didn't even know the name to. I had no idea whether I was more touched or stunned, but there was an unmistakable warmness in my chest. I looked up at Candice in hopes she would have some sort of explanation to what we just saw.

She grinned at me. "Aww, look at that. A love note and present from lover boy." She leaned over the box and picked out something that looked like a coffee tiramisu cake. "Sam will be utterly heartbroken. His perfect, innocent Rory having an affair behind his back." She joked while waving the cake around.

At the mention of Sam's name, any feelings of joy that was present vanished. I guiltily looked down at the baked goods in my hands and felt like a terrible human being. I grabbed the cake from Candice and scolded. "There's nothing going on between me and Logan." I dumped the cake back into the box and shoved it on the table. "And I'm not married."

Sure, I was stunned to see Logan yesterday at the party. Sure, I was an emotional mess on the ride home. And I admit I thought about him all night before drifting into an uneasy sleep. But, I was obviously not in the state to think clearly last night. When I finally dragged myself out of bed this morning, I reasoned that my reaction was perfectly normal for someone who saw their former boyfriend unexpectedly after years apart. It must have been shock that made me experience so many emotions. Though, I still couldn't explain the butterflies that seemed to spawn in my stomach whenever he was around. However, it didn't mean there could ever be anything between us now. We were in the past. He and I had both moved on.

A buzzing sound came from my desk and I automatically reached for my phone. On the screen, I saw Sam's name light up. Sam, my boyfriend. Sam, the man I love. Sam, the man I will always be true to. I held up the phone to show Candice as if it was proof that I no longer had feelings for Logan. Okay, I admit I have _feelings_ for Logan. The kind of feelings you feel for a friend who you haven't seen in a long time and cared about in an appropriate amount. But, I didn't have_ loving_ feelings for Logan. My feelings of love were reserved for Sam, and Sam only.

"Hey Sam!" I exclaimed.

"Hey, babe. You free for a minute?"

"Yeah, I'm not doing much right now. Well, actually I would be working if somebody would stop bugging me." A complaint came out as I shot Candice a look.

Sam gave a deep chuckle. "What's she bothering you with now?"

My existing smile froze on my face as I realized the subject would lead to Logan. "Oh, nothing. You know Candice." I looked up, embarrassed, at my friend who was squinting her eyes at me.

I wasn't prepared to tell Sam about Logan. I haven't had time to think about how I was going to break the news. Last night, I had been exhausted and fell asleep while replaying everything that happened between Logan and me over and over in my head. It was mortifying having to re-live the humiliating sentences that came out of my mouth, yet I couldn't stop my brain from going there. He was all I could think about.

Sam laughed and said, "I know Candice is a persistent one."

I smiled into the phone and asked. "So, what's up?"

"I've got some news, Ror." His voice filled with excitement. "I was doing some job search this morning and saw that the Herald Sun is hiring a feature writer. I hope you don't mind but I sent them a copy of the resume you gave me a while back."

"Wow, Sam. That's great, of course I don't mind." I beamed. "That's the highest-circulating newspaper in Australia! It would be ridiculously wonderful to work there, but it must be really competitive."

The way Sam always did everything with me in mind made me feel so cared for and special. For the first time today, I felt relaxed, slightly happy even. The Herald Sun! No matter how somber of a mood I was in, I couldn't not be excited about that. I could imagine myself working there in Melbourne, Australia. It would be a dream come true for the little girl in me to have a great job in a foreign country. Although my heart ached at the thought of leaving my family and life here, it had always been my aspiration to travel around the world. The best part was I was going with my boyfriend and it was only for two years, the perfect length of time to really get a feel of a country. I realized how blessed I was to have Sam in my life. I should appreciate him more, instead of crying over former boyfriends on romantically lit driveways and receiving croissants from them in big white boxes. Though, Logan was not just any boyfriend. He had a special place in my heart and Sam knew that, which made telling him about last night even more daunting.

"You're right, it's highly competitive." His voice broke me out of my reverie. "But guess who's got a phone interview in two days?"

"What?!" I exclaimed, unable to believe my ears. "Are you joking?"

Sam laughed. "Your resume did the trick. I got a reply in just a few hours."

"Oh my gosh! That's amazing, Sam." I looked up at Candice who, although didn't know the full story, was just as ecstatic. "I can't believe it! I have to prepare. I need to research! The company, their features, their history, all their different departments, there's just not enough time." My brain was clouded with all the different things I wanted to do. Getting an interview was always such an exciting thing. It felt like you were given an opportunity to prove yourself. You felt recognized.

"I know you will, but don't stress too much over it, okay? I don't want you to be too consumed by this interview." He warned.

"I can't promise anything, but I'll try. I have to get going on the research now." I had already opened the web browser and typed in the newspaper's name.

He chuckled. "All right, all right, I'll leave you to it. I'll send you their email and job posting."

"Thanks, Sammy." I grinned.

"My pleasure, babe."

"Oh, Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

I realized it never mattered what happened during the day or how often I thought of Logan, I always knew where my heart belonged at the end of the day. My heart swelled with love whenever I was around Sam. He always brought out a sense of calm and ease in me. It was impossible to not care for him as much as he cared for me.

His soft chuckle filled my ear as I heard him say. "Right back at you, babe."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Last night, I somehow managed to navigate to Candice's car while blinded by tears. I found her leaning against the door, looking at me worriedly. I wiped hastily at my cheeks and tried to stabilize my mood. I didn't understand why Logan's two simple words could affect me so intensely. Perhaps it was the shock of seeing him after three years or because of the memories tied to those words. Memories that have been suppressed deep down in my mind and were now unleashed. Whatever it was, I knew he was the only one who could affect me that way. He was the only one to make me feel a million conflicting emotions all at once. What had hit me the hardest was realizing part of the emotions I felt was of happiness. No matter what had happened between us and how long it had been, I was happy to have Logan back in my life, even if it was only as a colleague.

I got into the car and sat there. Candice got in after me and didn't ask a single question. She just handed me the plate of cake from the dashboard and we ate. I felt somewhat better after having some food in my stomach. Then, we both leaned back in our seats and closed our eyes. The comfortable silence calmed me down. I could still hear every word Logan said to me play in my mind like a record, but at least my heart was now beating at a regular pace.

Finally, I broke the silence and told her everything. When I was done, Candice, to my surprise, didn't utter a single word. She leaned forward and started rummaging through her CD compartment for a good five minutes. Eventually, she came up and inserted her CD of choice. A slow melody came on and the sorrowful, sweet voice of a girl filled the air.

You are my sweetest downfall.  
I loved you first,  
I loved you first.  
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth.  
I have to go,  
I have to go.

I recognized the song as soon as the soft piano accompaniment started. "Samson" by Regina Spektor. There was an inexplicable sense of sadness coming from the song. It was wistful like an ode to a lost love. I thought back to the first time Candice and I heard the song on the radio. We disputed about its meaning. She thought it was sung from Delilah's point of view, revealing her true feelings for Samson and the love story she wanted. I thought it related to something deeper, a personal experience. What came to my mind vividly now, listening to the voice that hid a pain I hadn't noticed before, was what Candice then told me. She said that it wasn't just Delilah singing, it was Samson's story. In the end, he lost everything. Yet, it was that act of losing that made him gain perspective. He was finally able to see. Behind the song's lyrics and soft melody was a truthful message. _It's never too late._

I closed my eyes and let their tragic love surround me. Fresh tears stung my eyelids as I felt their pain with a rawness like never before. As the tears slowly gathered at the corners of my eyes and slid down my cheeks, I didn't move to wipe them away. I was afraid that any movement would disrupt the serenity of this moment. I heard the gentle plea in the girl's voice and felt it tug at my heartstrings. I didn't speak. I wanted to let Samson and Delilah finish their story. After all, it wasn't too late.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After lunch, I was able to minimize my thoughts of Logan to once per hour as I began my assignment. It also helped that I had the nerves for my upcoming interview to distract me. Obviously it affected my concentration on the article but at least it meant I had less time to compulsively glance at the white box sitting beside my keyboard.

"Where's Jenny?" Peter's urgent voice boomed in the room, making me look up.

Peter paced back and forth by Jenny's desk, holding a large orange envelope behind his back.

Rachel, an intern, went up to him and explained. "Jenny said she was going on a coffee break and will be right back." She looked at the door like she was praying that Jenny might miraculously appear.

Peter looked at Rachel up and down as if noticing she worked here for the first time. "I suppose you'll do. I need this document delivered to Mr. Huntzberger in room 715. Have him read and sign it when he's free." Peter placed the envelope on Jenny's desk and was about to leave.

I felt a rush of wind before I saw Candice bolting towards them with her heels clicking on the floor. This was strange, even for Candice.

"Peter!" She exclaimed, making Peter stop and turn towards her. His bemused expression mirrored mine. She smiled at him and continued. "This sounds like an important and pressing matter. Perhaps it would be better if you let someone of higher seniority take care of it."

Before I could comprehend what was going on, Candice waved her hand at me. "Rory's free. She can go." She said to him with a winning smile.

Blood drained from my face as I realized her plan. Peter looked at me, and then back at Candice. "Very well. Ms. Gilmore, get on it." He turned and left the room, leaving me staring with my mouth slightly open as he walked away.

With everyone in the room looking at me, I got up from my chair and walked over to Jenny's desk stiffly. My heart pounded at the thought of what I had to do. I wasn't prepared for this. I did put on some lip-gloss and mascara this morning, just in case I would run into Logan. But, _this_. I was going to walk into his territory with no cards in my hands. I didn't know if my legs could even make it there as they were already buckling in. My eyes scanned the envelope and finally glared at my unbelievable friend. If looks could kill, she would be a flaming human torch right about now. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Rachel cower back to her seat.

Unfazed, Candice picked up the envelope and placed it in my hand. I stewed as she actually reached out and started smoothing out the stray hair around my face. Then, she tugged at my blazer to straighten it out. My face flushed as I felt everyone's stare.

"Candice! People are watching!" I hissed.

"Okay, you're all good to go. Go get him, soldier." She ignored my obvious discontent and flashed me an encouraging smile. Then she placed her hands on my shoulders and turned me around, literally pushing me towards the door.

I walked out into the hallway and waited by the elevator. I could make it down a flight of stairs in half the time, but I didn't mind. I welcomed any reason to stall my impending fate. I didn't have time to stay fuming at Candice for as long as I wanted to. My mind was blank with terror. I needed more time, as much as it took to stop my heartbeat from harassing my eardrums so I could at least think of what I was going to say. _Ping_. The elevator doors opened and I stepped in. In no time, I was standing in the warmly lit hallway with offices to my right. I walked down the corridor, passing numerous rooms. 705. 706. 707. _Think, Rory, think._ 709. 710. 711. Okay, I'll thank him for the pastries and say it was nice seeing him last night. I'll then give him the envelope and explain what I was doing there like a normal person. 713. 714. _715_. A ball of nerves formed in my stomach as I stood before the white frosted glass door. I pictured the ridiculously dazzling man standing inside that very room. His eyes. His smile. Oh god. Slowly, I brought my hand to the door and gave a gentle knock.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After a minute, the door opened and Logan stood in front of me, his eyes briefly widening with surprise. Then, he gave me a broad, sweet smile. My heart flipped as I attempted to smile back. I noticed his hair was back to its usual ruffled state and felt the familiarity soothe me. In his grey suit and blue tie, he looked exactly the same as three years ago. It was as if I was his girlfriend and was visiting him at the office. He was on his phone, and continued to answer in yeses and that's corrects. After stepping aside to let me in, Logan gestured to a dark grey armchair. I nodded at him and sat down. As he paced around the room talking on the phone about contracts and acquisitions, I looked around the office, examining every detail.

The walls were a sterile white, contrasting the dark maroon furniture. A large L-shaped desk paired with a black leather chair sat at the far corner, facing the back wall. On the desk were a computer monitor, a metallic pen holder and a small rectangular frame. My curiosity peaked when I saw the photo frame. I wished I could see the lone photo Logan had chosen to place in his office. I wondered if it was of someone new in his life. The thought made my stomach curl. I forced myself to move on and looked to the other corner. There was a tall bookcase filled with binders and volumes on all the shelves except the middle one, which held a few small objects. I assumed them to be souvenirs. I had to resist the urge to walk over and take a look. It seemed like all the interesting belongings were on the other side of the room. Where I sat, I was met with two dark grey couches and a coffee table. I remembered the envelope clenched in my hand and laid it on the surface.

I looked at Logan, with his back to me, as I heard him say goodbyes on the phone. His posture exuded confidence. It was a characteristic I was used to and adored. I always felt proud of the way he handled himself so gracefully. Listening to him talk, I was surprised at how comfortable it was to sit in his office. Instead of the nerves I had dreaded, dancing in my stomach were only excitement and anticipation. Finally, he clicked off his phone, and turned around.

A gorgeous grin spread across his face while his eyes twinkled. "Hey, Ace."

I swear my heart skipped a beat as I caught myself smiling back at him, breathless. I stood up and replied slyly. "Hey, Mr. Huntzberger."

Logan smiled bigger knowing it was a clear mockery of his previous formal address of me in the note.

"If I'd known you were coming, I would have brought some coffee." He walked towards me until he was standing a foot away.

"That's quite all right. I'm not completed depleted of my caffeine yet at this moment."

He grinned while looking into my eyes. "I tried but couldn't find you this morning. Surely, you were interested in meeting and greeting some of the great, fine people here."

My face flushed as I remembered how I purposely avoided him. "Oh, well, I had a ton of work to do. I couldn't get away." I managed to spit out an explanation.

"Ah, of course. Nothing stops you when there's work to be done." He smirked. "But, you got my gift? I didn't want you to miss out."

"Yes, I did it. Thanks for the concern. I appreciate it." I nodded with a smile while holding his gaze. It wasn't a choice, really. I was captivated by his eyes and couldn't look away even if I wanted to. I was perfectly happy just staring into them.

Logan stepped closer. "It wasn't all concern."

"Oh, really?" An involuntary gulp went down my throat.

"No. I thought it was a great excuse for you to come thank me in person."

"I suppose it was."

We looked at each other with smiles on our faces like we were the only people in the world. The effect he had on me was unfathomable. I was a willing prisoner of his spell.

"Thank you." I said softly.

"You're welcome." He answered with an amused nod.

Just then, a ringtone filled the air and we were startled out of our gaze. Logan gave me an apologetic smile as he answered the phone.

I let out a silent breath. I was temporarily released from his trance. Light-headed, I found myself walking towards the back wall. I turned to catch Logan's eyes and silently asked for his permission to look around. He replied with a small nod.

I went over to the bookcase, curious to see the displayed objects up close. There was a little golden bell with the word Texas engraved on the side. Beside it was a bronze goblet that had Las Vegas spelt out in baroque silver patterns. As I moved my eyes along the shelf, my breath caught in my throat when I saw the small, rose-gold colored Eiffel tower that Logan and I had gotten in Paris years back. I had said it would look good in his apartment and was my apology gift to Henry, the full-sized suit of armors by his kitchen who I might have on one occasion called creepy. Recollections of our Europe trip flooded my mind. I couldn't believe he kept the souvenir after all these years, let alone, had a spot for it in his office.

Just when I thought I couldn't be more touched, my eyes landed on the object to the right. A soft gasp escaped my lips. On the dark wood shelf was a small replica that stood tall amongst the other items. It was made of steel, and had red block letters along its length. A rocket. My heart stopped and my throat clenched. Tears lurked behind my eyes as I stared at it in disbelief. Through the dizziness I felt, I heard a pounding memory try to escape its confinement. It was the most beautiful and true memory of all. It was what I most feared and my undoing numerous times before. It was the one thought I tried the hardest to push away in all these years. Now, any sort of wall was useless against the solid steel figure before my eyes. _That's true love. _

"I thought it reminded me of someone." Logan's soft voice from behind startled me.

I quickly swallowed the lump in my throat and cleared my voice. I didn't even realize when he got off the phone. My mind was still blank, and all I could do was stare at the shelf, pretending to look at the other ornaments though all I saw was a blur. I was unable to turn around and face him.

The silence dragged on until it became unbearable. Logan finally spoke with a gentle tone. "Did you come to give me something?"

I straightened myself as it occurred to me. "Oh, yes. Peter wanted me to give you that envelope over there." I pointed towards the coffee table. "He would like you to read and sign it when you're free." I bit my lip when I was done.

Eventually, I willed myself to look up at him. His expression was kind with the slightest hint of hurt. It hurt him to see me like this. I felt my throat tighten at the unwelcomed thought. I realized I was right to be afraid of coming here. At this moment, I wanted nothing more than to run away and escape.

A knock on the door broke the silence. Our heads turned towards the sound in unison. Quickly, Logan composed himself and said. "Come in."

The door opened and a girl in her late twenties, with blazing red hair tied into a ponytail, walked in.

"Mr. Huntzberger, your meeting starts in five minutes." She spoke in a mild, but confident tone.

"Thanks, Shannon. I'll be right there."

Shannon nodded and left, closing the door behind her.

I knew it was my cue to leave. Smiling at Logan in, what I could only hope was, a reassuring way, I said. "I better let you get to your meeting on time."

"Thanks for bringing the papers, Ace." Logan spoke softly.

I gave a nod with a smile and walked past him, heading for the door. I couldn't look at him much longer before tears would surface. As I reached for the door knob, the voice called me.

"Rory?"

I spun around as if it was a reflex to the sound of his voice. We looked at each other in the eyes.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

I was speechless.

"With your boyfriend, of course. I would like to meet this lucky guy." He added with a smile. "I have to make sure he's good enough for you."

_Say something. _My throat closed off at this exact moment. I continued to stare as my cheeks heated up.

"Tomorrow night, at seven?" He asked, more insistently.

He looked at me with those caramel eyes just like he'd done countless times in the past. In his eyes, nothing had changed. There was warmth and care. My heart clenched with a dull, dreadful ache. No matter how at ease we were with each other, undeniable facts hung in the air. We weren't together. We haven't spoken in years. And we were separated by invisible barriers that couldn't be crossed. I looked at him and I felt so sad, because this thought occurred to me. We could never go back. It would never be the same again. The Eiffel tower, the rocket, they were all in the past. Their physical presence was now only a reminder of what we used to be, what we couldn't have, what we had thrown away. Looking into his expectant eyes, before any kind of process could begin in the gears of my brain, I heard myself say.

"Okay."

* * *

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Special thanks to everyone who left reviews and has been following my story :)


	8. Chapter Seven: Confessions

❤ Chapter Seven ❤

"We're tired. There's a toddler to chase. The phone's far. So leave a message." My mother's quirky voice came on followed by a beep.

"Hey Mom, it's me. Call me back okay?"

After clicking off the phone and throwing it on the couch, I sank down into the soft cushions and sighed heavily. I sat there with my arms crossed doing nothing for a few minutes, a frown never leaving my face. Then, I glanced at the remote control on the seat beside me. I guess I might as well turn on the TV. I reached for the device and pressed the power button. The screen a few feet away flicked on and lights flashed across the room. I stared at the moving pictures until I realized I was watching a rerun of _The Office_. My frown deepened as my thoughts went to a certain blonde and how I recommended the show to him in a pub at Yale. Ugh. I quickly changed the channel. Great, now even one of my favorite shows annoyed me. I continued to sulk and glare at the TV, not even bothering to figure out what I was watching this time.

Fortunately, my phone rang and saved me from my misery. Knowing it was my mom, I briefly closed my eyes and tried to get my emotions in check. I was afraid I might break down as soon as I heard her voice. With a deep breath, I picked up the phone.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hey, daughter. Is everything all right? You sounded terrible." My mom's voice was so full of concern that it nearly did me in.

I sighed to suppress the emotions that threatened to surface. "Well, something definitely happened."

"What is it?"

I heard Connie giggling in the background and Luke's tired voice that said something like "come back here now".

"This is going to be a shock and there's really no easy way to tell you. So I'll just go ahead and say it." I paused to breathe in and out.

"Wow, you're pregnant! Congratulations, Honey! Sam and you must be so excited." Knowing my mom, she just couldn't help but throw in a joke.

"Mom!" I scolded.

"Okay, sorry. Sorry. Go ahead." She apologized. "Wow, this must be really bad."

"Okay, here it goes." I braced myself. "I saw Logan at the work party last night. He's Joe Green and now works collaboratively with my company and sits in his office with clean white walls and dark wood furniture a floor below mine." Before my mom could get a word in, I continued. "And! Candice forced me to go into his office today to give him this document under Peter's orders, and he ended up asking me and Sam to go to dinner with him tomorrow night. And did I mention that my idiotic mouth answered _yes_?!" My voice raised several octaves.

There was silence at the end of the line.

"Mom?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm here…"

"This is a huge shock to me too. I really never thought we would see each other again. I mean that's why I moved on. And you won't _believe_ how he acted yesterday. He was clearly enjoying my humiliation. I'm _so-rry_ if I'm not as good at the looking absolutely calm and gorgeous even after unexpectedly seeing your ex after three years thing that he's clearly got going on." When I was done, I forced myself to breathe while adrenaline coursed through my body, forcing me to stand up and pace back and forth in front of the TV.

"Um, honey…"

"And! And! Last night, he had the _nerves _to ask me if I was seeing anyone. Then, this afternoon asked me out! Oh, but let's not forget that he threw in the 'with your boyfriend, of course'. Is he _serious_?!"

My head was exploding with an anger that I never even knew existed. I had the right to be angry. He _left_. He was the one who said it was _all_ or _nothing_ and left. Now, I'd finally moved on and was happy. He thinks he can just show up out of the blue with his Eiffel tower and tiny rocket, calling me Ace, saying he wants to meet my boyfriend to make sure he's good enough and moving into my company's building? Who does he think he is?

"Yeah, but honey…"

"Oh my god. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know if I can handle possibly running into him _every day_, at the copy machines, at the lunchroom, in the elevator, at the coffee cart… _Oh my god_, I'm going to have to quit drinking coffee! And I _love_ coffee! You know I really love coffee." I was now bordering on hysterical with my right hand running through my hair.

This rant sure sounded similar to the one I gave to the lucky therapist at Yale four years ago. It was ironic that my breakdowns were elicited by the same person even after all these years. Logan was the only one to make me feel emotions I couldn't control. He made me feel alive. After time, I calmed down enough to hear what my mom had been trying to say.

"Yes, kiddo. I know you love coffee." Her voice was slightly amused and half-serious. _I am sick of people finding my distress entertaining._ "But, what I _don't_ understand is why is it that as soon as Logan's back, you are having mental meltdowns talking about copy machines and coffee carts?"

I thought about it and didn't have an answer. "I don't know… It's just such a shock to my system to see him after all these years. Sometimes, I don't even know if I'm dreaming. And seeing him so _calm._ It just makes me so nervous. And that is just so frustrating. The way he smiles. It's so frustrating."

"Oh, yes. His smile. His calm. Uh huh." She mocked my voice. "What does Sam think?" Her final tone was serious.

Crap. I could feel my face heat up as I stuttered. "Um, uh. I haven't really had the chance to tell him yet… I was going to tell him tonight. But he had a farewell dinner to go to for his friend. He asked me to go with him but I'm not exactly feeling that great so I said I'm a bit tired. He said he'll probably be done by ten and will call me. I plan to tell him then." I sunk down into my couch, dreading my mother's reply.

After a few seconds, I heard her say. "Okay, as long as you've got it figured out."

"But I _don't _have it figured out. I'm a nervous wreck just thinking of how I'm going to bring it up. I hate to upset him. He's been so great, buying the plane ticket and necklace. They must have cost him a fortune. I almost don't want to accept them and tell him I can pay for the ticket myself but the way he looked at me was so full of love and hope that I didn't want to break his spirit. He even got me an interview with the Herald Sun. I'm a horrible person. I don't even qualify as a person. I'm a monster. An ugly, hideous beast."

"You did look quite hideous in that fluffy cashmere sweater your grandma got you last Christmas." My mom chuckled.

I sighed into the phone in response.

"Look, honey. I know it must be horrible having to tell Sam about seeing Logan, but if he truly loves you, he would understand. You have to tell him sooner rather than later. If you are going to Australia together, you have to be open and honest with each other."

"You're right." I felt better knowing she was so supportive. "Sam had always been understanding when I was going through hard times after my break up with Logan. I know I can trust him to be there for me."

"I'm glad you see it now."

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I guess I haven't really asked you yet but, are you really okay with me going to Australia?" I pressed the phone harder against my ear, anticipating her response.

"It's your decision, Rory. You're all grown up now, and even though I'll always think of you as the baby in smelly diapers who drove me insane and never let me get more than two hours of sleep, I have to let you do your own thing. Go live your life. I know you've always wanted to see the world."

My mom's words touched me deep in my heart. I felt tears sting my eyes as I replied. "I'll miss you so much, Mom."

"I'll miss you too." Her words were filled with nostalgia.

At that moment, I knew we were both thinking back to those Friday nights where we cuddled under a blanket and watched our favorite movies. It was our thing. As I got older, there was less and less time to hang out like before. The way life is, it's like a pre-determined maze, where there are always the same obstacles everyone has to face. Growing up was part of the obstacles.

"'I promise to call often and visit during the holidays."

"Good. Besides, I'm sure your grandparents will make sure of it."

"Oh, no! I'm going to have to tell Grandma." I feared when that time would come.

"Exactly, so don't worry about me. You should be worrying about yourself. I can't imagine how the conservation will go." My mom was in full joking mode now. "'Grandma, I'm moving to Australia with my boyfriend who I'm indeed having sex with.' '_Oh my lord, Rory! How could you?! Oh, who's going to serve you fancy dinners cooked by a different maid each month and make you wear hideously conservative dresses at DAR functions?_' 'I'll just have to make it work, Grandma_._'" My mom has mastered various voices, especially nailing her mother's. It was one of her many talents.

I laughed and glanced at the clock. "As much as I enjoy your one-man show, I'm afraid it is now ten and I have to call Sam. Let the dreaded fun begin."

"All right, Mister. Let me know how it goes."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

My heart continued to thump as I picked up the phone from the coffee table a third time. Clearing my head for a split second, I pressed speed dial 2 without giving myself any time to back out. Oh no. The phone was ringing on the other side. My stomach lurched and my palms started to sweat.

"Hey, babe!" Sam's cheerful voice came through the phone. "How you feeling?"

"Hey, Sam. I'm okay. I just got off the phone with my mom."

"Hm, this flickering light in your hallway really needs to get fixed. Though, it's a bit like _Gaslight_ in here so that could set the mood."

"What?" I was puzzled by his sudden talk of lights and old horror films. It was usually me who rambled off on random topics. Just as I was going to ask how he knew there was a faulty bulb on my floor, I heard a knock. "Hold on, Sam. Someone's at the door."

Wondering who it could be, since I didn't order any Chinese or pizza for a change, I went up to the door and looked through the peephole. To my surprise, my tall, wavy-haired boyfriend smiled back at me.

Completely forgetting my nerves, I opened the door in excitement. "What are you doing here?"

"Surprised to see me?" He grinned while holding up a DVD case in one hand and JooJoo's takeout box in the other.

He was wearing a grey jacket over a red T-shirt that made him look really cute and handsome. For a minute, I turned into a giddy teenager and gave him a big, bear hug. Sam had that kind of effect on me. I get the kind of happiness you feel seeing your best friend after a long hard day. With him, it was like all my worries just disappeared. He continued to hold onto me as we entered my living room stuck to each other, chest to chest. When we made our way to the couch, he put down the things in his hands and wrapped his arms around my waist. With his tall build, my eyes got a great view of his soft lips. I leaned in and kissed them, wanting to taste the sweetness of his mouth. His grip tightened around my body as he kissed me back. Eventually, we broke apart and smiled at each other. I wished I didn't ever need to spoil this moment with the news I bore. However, the thought of what I needed to tell him sat like a heavy weight in my heart.

"What's wrong?"

I was startled by his incredible ability to read me. I sighed and looked at him with nerves. "Nothing, I just have something to tell you. Something that happened yesterday, well, and today, that I wanted you to know." We broke apart from our embrace and sat down on the couch, facing each other. Sam gave me a worried but gentle look, encouraging me to continue.

I swallowed my nerves and spilled everything. "You know the work function yesterday? Well, I ran into someone unexpectedly." I licked my lips and let the name come out. "Logan, actually." I continued in a hurry. "I was really, really shocked. I didn't know he was going to be there at all. In fact, I almost fainted when I found out he's actually Joe Green. You know, the big shot from California."

Examining Sam's face, I saw an expression I couldn't read. He had always been better at reading my face than vice versa. Sometimes, I felt I saw so many things going on in his head that he never shared with anyone. He possessed a great depth in him of which he only unveiled part of the way. I wished he could let me into that world. I wanted to know him for all his layers.

With a shaky voice, I said. "Well, so we talked a bit and I mentioned about you, actually. Anyway, today, Candice made Peter make me give him a document in his office. And, well, it's strange really, but he asked to go to dinner tomorrow night with me and you."

I stared at Sam expecting him to say something, anything. But his expression was blank for many seconds until life gradually returned to his eyes. He cleared his throat. "Wow."

"Yeah." I replied, feeling rather foolish.

"So, you guys talked all night?" There was a strange tone in his voice that I couldn't quite place.

"No. We only saw each other towards the end of the night. Really, we only talked for a total of maybe twenty minutes. Twenty-five max." I was terrified he would get the idea that there was something going on between me and Logan.

He let out a breath and sat up straighter. Finally, he looked at me with some sort of recognition. Deep in his eyes, I could tell he was upset. "So, what did you say? To the dinner?"

I literally gulped, really regretting my stupid actions. "Um… I was really, really taken aback by his suggestion. It caught me off guard. I don't even know what came over me. But I just blurted out 'yes' as an answer. I think I just didn't know what to say."

An eerie silence filled the air. I'd never seen Sam so aghast. Well, this was really not how I thought it would go. He was practically frozen in his seat. I could see the thousands of brain cells working intently in his head though his face remained elusive.

He asked. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

This time, my face paled because I saw the smallest hint of anger in his expression. It was very well-hidden, but still there. What did I get myself into? "I'm so, so sorry, Sam. I was just so shocked that I couldn't even process what was going on. I needed some time to think and I planned to tell you tonight after I collected my thoughts."

He sighed and buried his head into his hands, staying in that position for a while. There were times when I found him to be a sealed mystery. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, if he was hurt, angry or upset. I knew he needed some time to process everything, so I leaned back against the sofa and closed my eyes. I needed some time myself. A million questions went through my brain. Was he mad? Was he hurt that I didn't tell him sooner? How did he feel about the dinner? What have I done?

"I'm sorry, Rory."

My eyes flew open and I turned to him. "What?"

"I'm sorry I reacted that way. I was just shocked. Of course, I understand it was hard for you to see him again." His face looked contrite. But, it was unmistakable in the way he said the word "him" that he didn't like Logan or the fact that he was back in my life.

"Sam, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner." I reached for his hands.

"It's okay, Ror." He gave me a reassuring smile while interlacing his fingers with mine. "Don't worry about me. You don't need to worry about us. I'll always be here for you, you know that."

I smiled back, feeling a bit better. "I can just cancel the dinner tomorrow, you know."

"No, I want to go." His eyes flashed with a sternness. Then, he added more gently. "You have nothing to be afraid of as long as I'm beside you tomorrow."

Before I could contemplate his response and the situation, Sam pulled me closer until he could wrap me against his chest. We stayed like that until we lost track of time. The fast heartbeat against my ear told me he was still recovering from all the information. I felt a protective love rise inside me as I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't want to see Sam hurt. I wanted to give him all the love he deserved. I wished I didn't have any kind of feelings for Logan and could say that his reappearance didn't affect me a single bit. However, I knew that wasn't true. I had to be honest with myself that I did think about Logan every day and all I could do was wish that I didn't. That I could save all my time for this incredible man beside me who loved me so much. My heart ached for myself and for Sam. Sometimes, I felt he deserved better but I couldn't let him go. I couldn't lose him. He was my rock. And I was drowning in a river, caught in a rapid current that was beyond my control.

I felt Sam stir and kiss the top of my head. Eventually, he let me go and looked down at me.

Softly, he said with a smile. "There's no better time for some pie and a 1940's black and white thriller."

I grinned at his statement. It was out of the blue, but spot-on.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I remembered the strenuous exams we had every week back at Chilton. It was always of a different subject as the exams rotated. I remembered how I would feel as I stood outside the classroom, preparing myself for the unknown. I would give myself pep talks while feeling somewhat faint and nauseous. Though I knew the content inside out and could regurgitate my notes in my sleep, I still couldn't stop the nerves from forming in my stomach and making its way up my throat. It didn't matter that I studied for weeks on end and that there was really not much else I could have possibly done to be better prepared, I was just nervous.

I never thought I would feel that way again after I graduated from Chilton. Yet, here I was, almost a decade later, feeling the exact same way. I glanced at the clock by the white board which read 6:30. I had all night and day to mentally prepare myself for what was going to happen in exactly thirty minutes, yet I was a humongous ball of nerves. I had finished my end of the day routine of organizing the files on my desk into the "Complete" and "To do" piles, although today I mostly prepared for tomorrow morning's interview. Then, I even replied some emails that had been sitting in my inbox just to kill time. All that was left now was to get up and face the music. I glanced back at Candice's empty seat, wishing she was here to give me a good scolding about how I was being a baby. If it was her, she would arrive at dinner oozing confidence and work her charisma so everything ran smoothly. I couldn't help but smile knowing that she was, instead, dressing up in the most revealing outfit she could find in her closet and getting ready to meet Jeremy for their "casual, friendly dinner" which somehow always ended up with a similar dessert as their previous ones.

I got up with determination and grabbed my black cardigan and purse. I was wearing a short sleeve red blouse and knee-length black skirt. It wasn't much different than what I would wear to work on a nice April day, although I did put more thought into it. Paradoxically, what I thought mostly of was if this would look like I was trying to put thought into my outfit. I finally settled on this look after I gave up on the confusing goal.

While waiting for the elevator, I had a really bad feeling in the pits of my stomach. I thought back to the other excruciating times in my life that involved two guys and me hanging out awkwardly (me being the awkward one while they were mostly just angry) and how they turned out to be catastrophic. There was Jess and Dean, then Jess and Logan. An enormous ball formed in my throat, making me swallow hard. If there was any time I wished the ground could open up and swallow me in, it would be right about now. Right now, I would rather be doing anything other than waiting for Sam to pick me up to meet Logan at the restaurant. Heck, I would willingly go back to that Friday night dinner with my grandparents where I talked to the Reverend they kindly invited about my virtue being a gift and how I would need to buy the next guy a sweater. Yup, just about any other horrible memory I could think of would beat this one that was about to be created. I wondered how Sam and Logan were going to play it. I mean, they should be relatively friendly or at least polite towards each other. After all, we were adults in our late twenties for god's sake. We were no longer high school or college kids. We've had years of life experience since those days and should be able to handle this as mature grown-ups. Okay, who was I kidding? It was going to be a blood bath.

_Ping._ I stepped into the elevator that would bring me to my doom. Why I wasn't running for the hills, I had no idea. As I stood there emitting my nervous energy into the small space, to my surprise, the elevator stopped on floor seven. I didn't expect there to be many people left at this hour. I looked curiously as the doors slowly opened. The thing about our building's elevator was that the doors opened at a crawling pace such that sometimes you just wanted to grab onto the edges and pry it apart. I was contemplating the cost of a new elevator when I saw the man who walked in, causing my heart to stop. I swear if he keeps on doing this, I would die before I reached my thirties.

"Hey, Ace." Logan greeted me.

"Hi, Logan." I gave him a small smile, sounding way more confident than I felt.

"All ready for dinner?"

"Uh, yeah. Sam is picking me up soon actually." I avoided his gaze and looked straight as if there was something real interesting on the elevator doors. "I didn't know you would still be here."

"The department's not going to run itself."

I responded with an awkward nod and saw his smirk through my peripheral. The good news was I learned that it didn't affect me as badly as a direct hit. Now, if I could just avoid looking at him for the rest of the night, I might come out in one piece.

"So, this Flying Beaver place you've chosen, is it known for anything aside from its funky name?"

"The name does draw most of the customers, but their burgers and fries are definitely divine." I managed to joke.

I was starting to feel more relaxed but then, a thought hit me. I felt my skin catch fire as I realized Sam was probably waiting in the lobby. _God, please kill me now._

_Ping_. The elevator doors opened. For once, I was thankful for its sluggishness. When it finally opened enough for the beige couch in the lobby to come into view, I saw Sam sitting there, looking up at me. At us. I walked out towards him, acting as if it was no big deal that I was standing beside the man who made me sweat bullets and that he just so happened to be my ex. I arrived at his side with Logan trailing not far behind. My mind was so blank with nerves that everything that happened next was a blur. I vaguely remembered them greeting and introducing each other.

"Should we get going?" Logan gestured to the door, his eyes boring into Sam's. Was it just me or were they both standing taller than usual?

"We'll see you there." Sam nodded. With his eyes not leaving Logan's, he put his arm around my shoulders and led me towards the door, eventually breaking their stern gaze.

I looked back to give Logan a silent goodbye and regretted it as soon as our eyes locked. What I saw was so heartbreaking that I wanted to escape from Sam's hold and run back to where he was standing. His face exhibited raw emotions that I hadn't seen since the day of my graduation. For the first time, he didn't hide his hurt and wound. His eyes were so sad, and his forehead was creased into a faint line. It was one of the rare looks that I didn't ever want to see mar his beautiful face. It was the kind of look where you were watching your worst nightmare play out in front of you, yet couldn't do anything about it. Because you knew it wasn't in your place.

My heart shattered into a million pieces as I forced myself to look away and continue walking to the door with Sam's arm now around my waist. I didn't think I could ever find all the pieces of my heart again. They were crushed and lost right here in this lobby, hidden within deep crevices where they would never again resurface. I could get down on my knees and pick up the pieces one by one, but my heart from that look on would never be the same.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I nearly experienced cardiac arrest when I saw Logan in the elevator. I was scarred for life by his single look in the lobby. Now, my palms were sweating buckets as he sat from across the booth. A single being should not be given so much power over another. However, on an optimistic note, the dinner so far was going much better than I imagined.

When Sam and I arrived at the restaurant, we met Logan as he parked his Porsche. As Logan stepped out, Sam gave a subtle look of disdain at the luxurious vehicle, which, thankfully, Logan ignored. Then, we were led to the booth and seated. Though Sam made a show of putting his arm around my waist, fortunately, Logan didn't stab him in the eye with a fork. Throughout dinner, whenever Logan would call me "Ace", I could feel Sam's body stiffen beside mine, but again no cutleries were thrown across the table. I counted all these as tonight's milestones.

Eventually, even the awkwardness subsided a little as we discussed the dinner menu, background music, and delicious food. I even introduced Logan to their famous chipotle chicken burgers and chilli fries. Throughout dinner, Logan and Sam made polite conversations about their jobs, interests and other mundane topics. I could sense that they were both trying really hard to be civil to each other for my sake. This act of kindness touched me. I was proud of them both. Perhaps, I was right about us being mature grown-ups after all.

I learned a lot about Logan's life in California. Mostly, his job description, the insane work hours, his new found love for hiking whenever he had some time on the weekends and the crazy things he did whenever Colin and Finn visited. Hearing him talk in that energetic and confident way made me miss my days at Yale. I missed Colin and Finn. I missed Paris and Doyle even, who I only heard from once in a while. Most of all, I missed hanging out with Logan and just being in his presence. I watched him chat animatedly with his carefree grin that still made my heart flip even with Sam right next to me. Many times throughout the night, I had to check that I haven't been staring at Logan for too long and force myself to look away. I would tune in on the warm body beside me that was my boyfriend, and his firm grip on my waist.

I was happy for Logan, happy that he seemed happy. I admit there was also one thing that I was happy about for myself, which was he didn't mention there being any girl in his life. I scolded myself for being hypocritical and selfish. I had Sam, and Logan was accepting it with so much grace even after that heartbreaking exit at the lobby. Yet here I was wishing him ill. I really had become this bloodcurdling beast. What was even scarier was that it was too late in my metamorphosis for it to be stopped.

As the night went on, I had a confession to make. If it was entirely up to me, I would spend hours just watching Logan talk. The way his eyes squinted at the corners whenever he grinned too hard, the way his perfectly shaped lips curled into a big, closed-mouth smile whenever he gave me a look every once in a while, the way his left cheek displayed the hint of a dimple that made him look so adorable, and lastly, the way his eyes looked into mine and made me feel like we were the only ones in the room, were all things I confess I have become addicted to. I was a slave to his every move. I knew I couldn't go on like this. He was not mine, and never would be. He would find a great girl one day who would watch him just like I was doing. She would be the one he came home to. She would be the one he loved.

Though most of the night had been surprisingly peaceful, however, as dinner was approaching an end and I was almost letting out a breath of relief, everything changed. As Robert Frost had so eloquently put it, "so dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay." There's an end to everything in life, good things included.

For me, it was at exactly 8:32 when all hell broke loose.

* * *

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	9. Chapter Eight: Occurrences

❤ Chapter Eight ❤

"Colin met a Russian model and proposed to her?" All night, I was entertained by Logan's stories but hearing about Colin and Finn intrigued me the most.

"Yeah, he met her during our vacation in Hawaii and she doesn't speak more than ten words of English so she has no idea how incredibly annoying she finds him." Logan joked as he looked at me, then Sam.

I giggled. "Now, why do I get the feeling I've heard that statement before?"

I turned to Sam and explained. "This is the same Colin as Colin and Finn who followed Logan around all through Yale." Sam smiled so I continued. "They were like the three musketeers, inseparable, joined at the hips."

I gave Logan a knowing glance and received one of his signature breathtaking grins in return. After nearly two hours in his presence, I was getting better at not blushing like a star-struck pre-teen whenever he acknowledged me. It also helped that my boyfriend was sitting right next to me.

Towards the end of the night, I was consumed by all the far-fetched tales Logan told of him and his two best friends. I haven't heard from them in so long and now realized what I was missing. In my excited state, I nearly forgot about the awkwardness and was almost having fun. However, there was always the fear that Sam would feel left out so I tried to include him in the conversations. So far, all things considered, dinner seemed to be going quite well. Although sometimes Sam would be left clueless as to what was going on, he was a good sport and didn't seem to mind. This was one of the things I loved about Sam. He was always so caring and put my wellness first. Half-way through dinner, I reached under the table and gave his hand a gentle squeeze, letting him know I really appreciated his consideration. I have to admit, between Logan's infectious smile and Sam's sweet, understanding nature, I was conflicted as to which affected me more. But, if my emotional dilemma was going to be tonight's biggest concern, I was a happy camper.

"So, tell me more about this exotic fiancée of Colin's" I leaned into the table.

"I'm telling you, he thinks she's the love of his life." Logan chuckled. "When they found out they both lived in San Diego, words like 'fate' and 'meant to be' were thrown around like snowballs on a cold December day."

"Wow, I can't believe it. Colin's going to be the first to get married." I shook my head with a smile. "Colin, the one who fell in love with a milkmaid from Holland."

"Life works in funny ways." Logan said wryly as he took a drink of his Macallan.

My stomach dropped as I caught a glimpse of resentment in his eyes. As if that didn't already make my head swim, I felt Sam's body stiffen beside me. Right then, the piece of Cajun chicken on my plate has never looked more enticing. For a few seconds, I focused on cutting myself a perfect slice while Sam took a long sip of his drink. The tension surrounding the table was sudden and thick, causing my heartbeat to quicken. Mental note to self, add marriage and engagements to the growing list of restricted subjects when Logan and I were in the same room.

Racking my brain for things to say, I cleared my throat and tried to divert the conversation. "What's going on with Finn?"

Logan looked at me and, thankfully, replied without any definite harm. "Finn's still Finn. He likes his alcohol, loves his redheads and still has a thing about the sun. Alas, he's been complaining about the rarity of redheads in Chicago and wanted to relocate here. Though he did get an interview for a public relations position in NYC, he blew it by showing up with a massive hang over. The interviewers weren't too fond of his display of visceral fluids all over their pristine marble floors."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I wouldn't expect anything less from Finn."

At the mention of interviews, I remembered mine that was tomorrow morning and took a quick peak at my watch. It was 8:32, which meant I still had time to do some last minute preparations.

"Going somewhere, Ace? I thought we could get some drinks nearby." Logan looked at me right in the eyes.

With nerves, I glanced at Sam. "You're already drinking, Logan."

"Ah, but you don't down your drinks in just one location. That's for amateurs."

"Right, I forgot you went pro." I frowned but couldn't hide the tiny smile on my lips.

Abruptly, Sam stood up. "We should get going." His dry voice was resolute.

Eyes hardening, Logan got up to face Sam. "Come on, man. Don't ruin the fun. Just one round of drinks. On me. You won't have to spend a penny."

If there was tension in the air before, it had now become a giant cloud of animosity. I watched as Sam's jaws tightened. He remained still while returning Logan's glare.

To my horror, Logan continued. "I'm new to this area. Be a gentleman and let your girlfriend show me around. I promise I'll try to keep my hands to myself."

Before I could anticipate Sam's response, I quickly jumped in. "Logan, I do have to go. I have some work to do, and there's the interview to prepare for."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt every inch of my skin burn. _What did I just say?_ A diploma from an Ivy League college and two years of reporter experience, yet I failed to install a proper brain-to-mouth filter in my idiotic head. I had shaped my own doom.

"Interview? You quitting your job, Ace?" Logan looked down at me, bemused.

I sat there beside the towering figures that were caving me in, feeling their glowers burn into my already boiling skin. They were both expecting me to explain, albeit for different reasons.

With a pounding heart, I breathed in deeply and looked down at my unfinished food. It didn't look too appealing after all. "Um."

"We're moving to Australia together in August."

My head shot up just in time to see Sam end the sentence. _Oh my god._

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Time seemed to stand still while a deafening silence filled the air. Bracing myself, I slowly turned my head to look at Logan. He was staring at me with a blank face. I didn't make a single sound.

"I'll be completing my Master's in Melbourne and I asked Rory to come with me." Sam went on, enunciating each word with barely contained despise.

My ears were ringing and everything that surrounded me seemed to disintegrate in front of my eyes. Now I knew. This was the moment I dreaded. This was what I was trying to run from. And now, there was no escape.

Gradually, Logan's eyes came to life, lit with a blazing fire. His eyes left mine as he turned towards Sam and asked with palpable conceit. "Master's after a degree at Berkeley? Isn't that what the kids are doing these days if they can't find jobs?"

"Logan!" I frowned at him. A protectiveness for my boyfriend rose in me. I stood up and gripped Sam's arm as he looked like he was ready to throw punches across the table.

Sam twisted his arm away and grabbed his jacket from the seat. He pulled out some bills and threw them on the table. "I wouldn't know. I don't intentionally follow what spoiled, arrogant asses like you say these days." He snared before he stalked off, leaving me standing helplessly in my spot.

As Logan sat down and made a grab for his drink, my senses came to me. I went after Sam, following him to the entrance with a million pairs of eyes on us.

"Sam."

"Sam!"

Sam spun around causing me to almost run into his chest. His eyes were hard as they bored into mine.

I tried to apologize. "I'm so sorry. He's not usually like this. Please don't be upset."

"Are you kidding me, Rory?" He looked at me like he couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. "That guy." Scowling with disgust, he jabbed his finger in the direction of our table. "That's the jackass who broke your heart. I had to watch you cry on the bathroom floor on more than one occasion after you've had one too many. I sat with you while you miserably stared at the TV even when a comedy was playing. You had doubted yourself and your life for two years because of _him_. And now, you're defending him?"

I was so taken aback that I might have forgotten how to speak. I had never seen Sam so angry before, let alone use such a menacing tone towards me. Never, even during our biggest fights, had he looked at me with so much ferocity. Eventually, I recovered. "It's not like that, Sam-"

He cut me off before I could finish. "If you want to leave with him, then leave, 'cause I'm not staying here one more minute."

With that, he turned around and stalked out the door.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

For a second, I didn't know what to do. I stared at the door. I was stuck. I couldn't go forward or back. An overwhelming heaviness suffocated me. I was a flopping fish on land, gulping for air. Finally, I decided to go back to the table to grab my stuff.

When I got back to our booth, Logan looked up at me with no apparent recollection of what happened minutes ago.

He smirked with a subtle arrogance. "Forget about him, Ace. Let's go get our drinks. He seemed like a jerk to me." He downed the rest of his scotch and placed the glass loudly on the table.

Annoyed at his attitude, I said. "_You're_ being a jerk, Logan." Unbelievable. After three years, he still had not changed.

His eyes narrowed. "Excuse me? He had it coming for him. I saw the way he putted his arms around you like you were his property to claim."

With that, a fire broke out in my stomach. "What do you think you're doing? You were the one who left, Logan." I looked into his eyes and felt a courage like never before. I had to get this out. "You were the one who said it was all or nothing, and _left_."

He glared at me, his expression daring me to go on.

"You left and didn't even give me a contact number and just walked out on this relationship after everything we've been through." I paused, wanting to get the words right. "Like all those times before, you just left without a word. I waited for you for months and months to call but you never did. No words from you for three years and now? How dare you barge into my life, accusing me of moving on and insulting my boyfriend or my career choice?"

I imagined countless times what I would say if we ever met again and how we would go about the subject of our failed proposal. However, I never thought it would be like this. Glaring at each other in a crowded restaurant. I felt angrier than I had been in years. I thought I learned to handle my emotions better. Now, I knew the truth. My bitterness was just buried away, lying dormant, waiting for that one person to come back and light it on fire. That was exactly how I felt. My stomach was drowning in flames. Everything I didn't or couldn't say on the day of my graduation surfaced with more hostility, more vehemence than either of us could have ever imagined. I never even knew there was this part of me that resented him for leaving, for ending everything instead of giving us time, for saying it was all or nothing.

Logan stood up and came towards me. His jaws clenched, he looked livid. "Woah, woah, woah. Don't you put the blame on me." He pointed to my chest. "These past years haven't exactly been easy for me neither. Need I remind you that you were the one who rejected my proposal? I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you and you said no!" He was bellowing by the end of the sentence.

Frustrated, I responded. "You didn't give me time. I didn't say I wouldn't ever marry you. I just wasn't ready to get married fresh out of college. It's not who I am. It's always about you, Logan. Why can't you think about how I felt?!"

"I didn't exactly hear you say you wanted to or you were planning to, Rory. All I heard was you saying you needed to keep your options open." His lips curled into an ironic smile.

"That's not what I meant." I kept his gaze while a pain stabbed my chest.

Eyes blazing, he snapped. "It sure sounded that way to me. You weren't okay with just me and you. You weren't sure of us."

His eyes burned into mine. I could feel the heat radiating off his skin. Met with so much hatred, I was at a loss for words. Then, I found them. "I can't believe this. After three years, Logan, and it's like you don't even know me at all."

"You're right." He looked me straight in the eyes as his furrowed brows relaxed. "I really don't know you." He scoffed. "That's why I was so damn sure you would say yes. That's why you blindsided me."

He took a step closer until he was looking down at me. "Admit it, Rory. It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't make it. Yet, it never occurred to you that we would. You were scared. You thought we couldn't possibly last. And I thought we could get through anything."

Looking into his pained eyes, I could only whisper. "That's not true..."

Myriad emotions flickered across Logan's face until he finally settled on one. It was the easiest one to handle, and the easiest for me to face. He looked at me with resentment. "Yes, it is. You couldn't see a future with me. You couldn't move to the other side of the country for me, yet you are going to Australia for_ him_." He jabbed his fingers towards the door. "He's a jerk to walk out on you like this. He's making you move across the world just so he can keep an eye on you."

At his words, I was met with emotions that mirrored his. "Nobody's forcing me to go to Australia. Did it ever occur to you that I wasn't ready then, but I'm ready now?! You didn't wait for me, so just accept it. Accept that now there's nothing left for us to do-"

"That's all bullshit." He cut me off, his jaws clenched. "All I see is you weren't ready for me, but you are for him." His voice was that of a coldness that stung my soul.

I was so frustrated, so full of loathe at his inability to understand where I was coming from. I didn't think I could be angrier, but now I was. I was so irritated that I practically spat. "At least he didn't cheat on me with all his sister's bridesmaids."

I regretted it as soon as the words left my mouth. It was a cheap dig and I knew it. Looking at him, I saw he knew it too. But I wasn't going to apologize. I wasn't backing down. That's the thing about fights. You think you can have it under control, you think you can be rational, but you can't. You were a fool to ever think you could.

Logan and I stared at each other, a deadly stillness dragging in time. Eventually, without any trace of emotions on his face, he said. "Congratulations, then. You've done well."

At that moment, I hated him and I hated myself. Before he could be the one to walk away, I grabbed my purse and sped out of the booth, never looking back. This time, I was the one to leave first.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I didn't want to ever go back. I didn't ever want to see him look at me in that way again. Like he hated my guts. Like he was recognizing he was glad we never made it, because of what I had become. What we clearly weren't. Fighting and screaming at each other at a bar was exactly what he said he couldn't take. Yet, there we were again, five years later. I realized now that there was a reason we didn't work out. What happened happened because we just weren't right for each other. But it didn't mean that the realization hurt any less.

I sped through the busy restaurant and found my way into the cold night air. I was practically begging for breath as I dug out my phone from my purse. With my heart thumping in my ears, I dialed Sam's number. _Come on, come on. Pick up._ Panicked that Logan could come out any minute, I crossed the street and turned at the first corner.

On the dark, quiet street, my emotions crawled along my veins, preparing to surface. Rows of apartments surrounded me, encasing me in the warm lights shining through numerous windows. They were reminders of the homes on the other sides. Yet, I was all alone. I walked down the street with no idea where I was going. I stopped before a dark flight of stairs leading to a door with brick walls around it. The bushes surrounding the stairs were shapeless forms, motionless in the stiff air.

In the darkness, Logan's face, so bitter and cold, flashed across my mind. His sentences flooded my ears.

"_It never even occurred to me that we wouldn't make it. Yet, it never occurred to you that we would."_

"_Congratulations then. You've done well."_

All the anger I had channeled now exhausted me as I felt aches in places I didn't even know existed. I slumped down onto the cold, wet cement steps and felt its sting. Burying my face in my hands, Logan's voice continued to ring in my ears.

_"You weren't okay with just me and you. You weren't sure of us."_

_"You're right. I really don't know you." _

After our three years together, to hear him say that, in a way, was more excruciating than anything he could have ever said to me. And _that_ was saying a lot. Biting down on my lip, I couldn't control the pain rising in my chest. Allowing my head to fall into my arms, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to collect myself as a fire burned behind my eyes.

After what could have been minutes to hours, the pounding in my head subsided. Emotionally drained as I continued to sit there on the empty street, I lifted my phone and pressed Candice's speed dial.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The next morning was a blur. I had mindlessly gotten to work, sat down at my desk, and stared at the computer screen. Even Candice was in a forgiving mood and let me sulk. I didn't do any last minute preparations for my interview. And ironically, I wasn't freaking out about that fact. When my phone rang at exactly nine, I picked it up and carried out the interview on auto-pilot. I had no idea how I did, if I liked what I was introduced to or if they liked me. I was a walking corpse, unable to recognize any emotions. I didn't feel anything, which was what I wanted. I didn't feel the pain and humiliation boiling in me. All I did was live and breathe, letting time slip away.

Sam called me repeatedly that morning, but I didn't pick up. I couldn't possibly carry out any conversation in the state I was in and was definitely not willing to face the problems between us because of what happened yesterday.

After lunch, Jenny walked up to my desk and gave me a large bouquet of flowers and fresh cup of coffee. She furrowed her brows. "These are for you, Rory." She snorted. "It seems like fifty percent of my job now consist of bringing you gifts."

"Thanks."

She was startled by my terse response and left the things on my desk. I didn't move to look at the flowers. I knew they were from Sam. I thought to myself that I would call him tonight. What I did grab for was the coffee. God knows I needed it. I was in too much of a stupor that afternoon to get up and get my own caffeine supply. After I downed the second cup Candice brought me, she said that if I wanted coffee I would just have to get up, face the world and get it myself. I suppose her forgiving mood died down after I spent half of the day without saying as much as a word.

"Is there something of the matter? Let me know if there's anything I could do." Peter's voice echoed in the room. I didn't bother to look up at the commotion.

That was until I heard the silky smooth voice that followed. "The conference is in two days. Because Shannon had a family emergency and went back home, I'm left without an assistant which I most definitely need to get all the preparations done." Logan was walking across the room feet away with Peter trailing behind.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure we can find you a suitable replacement in a timely manner." Peter reassured him.

I watched in terror as Logan glanced to my side of the room. He stopped in his track as our eyes locked. Crap, just what I needed to top this day. I looked back at him, unable to pull my eyes away. I needed to see what he was feeling. First, his face was soft with slight remorse. However, later, his eyes landed on the flowers sitting on my desk and his eyes hardened. Oh good, he was still mad. He looked at me with the coldness that I was acquainted with last night and strode towards me. Peter followed behind, puzzled by the situation. My heart started racing and cold sweat broke out on the back of my neck. What was he going to say? Surely, he wasn't going to cause a scene in the middle of my workplace?

He stopped in front of my desk and let his lips curl into a tight smile. With his eyes boring into mine, he said. "Peter, I'm going to have Ms. Gilmore as my assistant for the conference. She and I will start collaborating first thing tomorrow morning."

All the color left my cheeks as I stared back in fright. I couldn't find my voice.

"But, Mr. Huntzberger, Ms. Gilmore has not had any training or experience in that area. Maybe, you would like to reconsider." Peter was visibly shocked and unsure as to what to make of this.

With his eyes never leaving mine, Logan replied. "I've made up my mind." He turned to look at Peter and added with a courteous smile. "The matter has been taken care of. Thanks for your help, sir."

Completely bewildered, Peter nodded. "You're welcome. It was my pleasure." He looked back and forth between Logan and me before retreating.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I found my strength, got up from my seat and began to protest in a whisper. "Logan, what are you thinking? I can't be your assistant."

Logan looked at me and grabbed my wrist in a gentle but firm manner and pulled me out of the room until we were standing alone in the hallway. I was helpless in his power.

He looked down at me and demanded. "Come to my office at eight tomorrow. Bring a laptop."

I was still not used to how he was acting. He always had a smile on his face and warmth in his eyes. Now, he acted like we were strangers. It broke my heart as if it wasn't already completely shattered last night.

I spoke more insistently this time. "Logan, I don't know why you're doing this, but this is ridiculous. You need to find a professional assistant who could actually assist you. We'll probably just end up arguing. I don't want that after what had happened yesterday with you, Sam and me."

His eyes narrowed at Sam's name. To my dismay, he inched in closer causing my poor heart to pummel against my chest. He lowered his voice and said smoothly. "If you're so content with your life and boyfriend like you say you are, then you shouldn't be afraid to spend time alone with me tomorrow strictly as business partners."

Initially, I was light-headed from the lack of oxygen getting into my brain. After a few seconds, I collected myself and felt a determination set in. I wasn't going to let him get to me. I was a Gilmore after all.

"Fine." I looked up into his eyes, not cowering from the proximity between us. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He gave a small smile without relenting on his glare. "I look forward to our collaboration."

He turned and stalked down the hall, leaving me completely and utterly shaken.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**

I love to read your reviews because as the writer, I have all these intense things I am feeling as I write each scene and, also, feelings I want to convey. However, I have no idea what you guys as readers are experiencing unless you let me know! Thanks! :)


	10. Chapter Nine: Forever and Always

❤ Chapter Nine ❤

My life was a scheduled affair since Logan re-appeared. Every morning, I would wake up with a headache that even the largest cup of coffee in the Guinness records couldn't cure and find my way to work in a daze. Then, I would suffer the numerous torments my best friend and the man who decided to walk out of my life then waltz back in putted me through. Why I surrounded myself with people who made my life a bigger challenge than it already was? I had no idea. I was a magnet for all things horrendous and reminders of my misery followed me around like a moth to a flame.

Sitting on my bed on a Thursday night, I called my mom. It was one of the few activities left that could comfort me.

The phone rang twice before she picked up.

"Hey there mate, you want a laugh?" She already picked up some Australian slang.

"Hm, laughing would be magnificent." Smiling, I almost started to forget my troubles.

"This morning, Luke did the funniest bit. It was hilarious, you should have be-"

"I did _not_ do a bit." Luke's annoyed voice could be heard through the phone.

"Yes, you did." My mother said to him matter-of-factly. "The bit! It deserved its own category in the Oscars."

"It _wasn't_ a bit. I was feeding Connie, he sneezed, apple sauce landed all over my face and I was in pain from the pieces that went in my eyes." I heard a burst of giggles from my little brother and Luke's voice saying. "You think that's funny, don't you?"

"Oh, right! It was Connie's bit." My mother exclaimed. "Man, that kid's a genius. He's just writing up scripts here and there. He'll be the next Woody Allen."

Leave it to my mom to come up with the most absurd conclusions. I chuckled. "I look forward to my VIP pass to the Oscars."

"Oh, hey hon. How was your interview this morning?" She must have forgotten I was on the phone.

"It was fine."

"Aw, what happened? Did you not listen to my advice about telling them about the kangaroos? It was your favourite animal for entirely three days when you were four. How could they not appreciate that?"

I smiled and half rolled my eyes. "It really was fine. What makes you think something's wrong?"

"You've got Bambi voice." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I do not have Bambi voice."

"Just spill, Bambi."

I sighed. "I was just… really distracted this morning."

"By the dancing gorillas surrounding your desk? By a dream of Orlando Bloom?"

"By the fact that I got into a fight with not only my boyfriend, but also my ex-boyfriend at last night's dinner. If I had any other boyfriends or former boyfriends, for that matter, present in my life right now, just throw them in too. I'm sure I would have in some ways managed to piss them off collectively." Frowning, I flopped down on my bed. My life was a huge drama. You'd think you were leaving the drama behind once you've hit the quarter-century mark.

"Whoa, slow down. First of all, you say that like you've had too many boyfriends to count when we all know you're not exactly voted as Ms. Promiscuity. Well, there was that one time during spring break with Paris, but nothing else happened so let's not go there."

"Ew. Mom!" My stomach twisted at just the memory of the kiss with Paris. We both had way too much to drink that night. "Why are you bringing that up?"

"Okay, let's just take a step back here. You say you guys got into a fight-"

"A huge fight. Gigantic. Humongous. Colossal."

"Right, so you'll make up. Hug it out, smooth it over, pound each other chest to chest or do whatever it is you kids do these days."

"You say that like it's easy." I switched the phone to my other ear. Holding up a phone to your ear while lying down can be a workout. For a Gilmore anyway.

"It_ is_ easy. Again, everything I previously suggested is the way to go. Throw in the kangaroo fact too. That can't hurt."

"Okay, while those are all really helpful tips, Mom. Never mind me. Let's just talk about you." I didn't expect any advice anyway. I just wanted a distraction and there was no other person who did that better than my mom.

"What's there to talk about when it comes to me? Except the fact that I might have accidentally let the whole town know about you moving in with the Aussies and working with Logan."

"What?!" I sat up.

"I was just talking to Luke about it at the diner and, well, what do you know, Kirk has some gigantic ears. Before the sun had set on that beautiful day, everyone in town was talking about it." She explained in her usual fast-paced way as if she was telling me what was for dinner.

"Mom! I'm going back next weekend. Everyone's going to be asking me about it." I whined. Just what I needed. More drama.

"Yeah, about that... The whole town's in a frenzy and Taylor might be cooking up some sort of a protest." There was amusement in her tone. She was _amused _at my expense. Her one and only daughter.

"I look forward to it." The words seethed through my teeth.

"Oh, I meant a protest about you going away, not the Logan part. Everyone loved Sam when he visited last month, but they had also loved Logan when he visited a gazillion years ago when the dinosaurs ruled the Earth."

"What's your point, Mom…?" I was afraid to ask.

"There's sort of a new ribbon system in town, only this time they aren't actually ribbons per se." She paused for theatrical effect.

A heavy sigh came out my lips.

It must have been enough of a reaction because she continued. "They're distributing those little pins."

"Oh no." I groaned. I was pretty sure I knew what they were. After the whole ordeal with the blue versus pink ribbons across town when my mom and Luke had briefly split up, I was now certain I would get a similar treatment next weekend.

"Yeah, they're quite cute, really. There are the dark red ones with Logan's face on it. Then, there are the baby blue ones with Sam's. I've saved some for you. It would go really well with whatever outfit you are planning on wearing to Grandma's." She could have practically been slapping her knee and bending over at her own delight.

"Mom. There's nothing going on between me and Logan. I don't understand why Taylor would need to do such thing." I scolded, trying to get some sense into her.

"Sorry, hon. I'll stop. Next topic." She spoke as she stifled a laugh.

My cheeks flushed as I rolled my eyes. Praying I would never have to explain about this to Sam, I thanked my lucky stars that he wasn't going to Stars Hollow next weekend because of upcoming exams. Eventually, our conversation steered clear of the boys in my life and focused on Connie and the things that were going on around town (aside from gearing up for the Anti-Rory's-move-to-Australia riot). Talking with my mom loosened my stress and I felt much better. I was so thankful to have her in my life. She was the best friend I would ever have.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The next phone call didn't start out as joyous. As I dialed Sam's number, my mouth dried with nerves. However, as soon as I heard his voice, I was immediately overcome with affection for my boyfriend. I missed him today and wished we didn't ever fight. All I wanted to do was tell him I loved him and put everything that happened behind us. I wanted it to be just us in a safe cocoon, where no outside forces could poke holes into the walls of our castle, testing their strength.

Like various times before, we made up easily and were back to our old selves in no time. He apologized for his behaviour last night and for leaving me behind, while I apologized for introducing him to the whole ordeal in the first place. However, what was different this time was that although we had seemingly resolved our fight, I couldn't help but feel that something was different in the way he talked. There was the slightest sense of insecurity in his words, which was an observation that hurt my heart.

After Sam and I said goodnight and hung up, I lay in bed thinking about everything that happened in the past few days. My heart thumped with more force and ambition whenever I thought about Logan, everything he said and every look he gave me. He was my adrenaline. He was my drive. He inspired every breath I took and every heartbeat. I knew then that I could never completely get him out of my system. My feelings for him were a living, breathing thing, only growing with time. Every word he spoke and every smile he offered were my nourishment. Indeed, he was from my past, but his presence fueled what he meant to me every passing minute. I came to an acceptance that I would always care about him and want him as a part of my life.

Then, I thought of Sam. He was the sweetest man I knew. After the three years we've shared, I couldn't imagine my life without him. I thought of all the times we've had together. The many nights we stayed up late watching cheesy black and white films that nobody even remembered the names to. The one time I was working late on an article and he cooked chicken soup because he read it replenished your brain cells. And finally, the night after we had our first argument over something silly and he left a note under my door. It was a small piece of paper that was now clipped to my fridge with the lyrics to one of our favorite 80's hits.

You put the boom-boom into my heart

You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts

You take the grey skies out of my way

You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day

Wake me up before you go-go

Babe, don't leave me hanging tonight

Logan, in many ways, was my first real love. I will always hold a special place for him in my heart. He will always be the boy I kissed at my grandparent's wedding renewal, the boy I cried over while lying on the bathroom floor, and the boy who said would wait for me for forty years in space if we ever parted ways. More and more, I understood. Firsts were important. They would always be significant. However, I was certain that lasts were even more important. All I needed to do was to think about the boy who would be my last. My forever. My always.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Logan's head hovered over my shoulder, making me force silent gulps down my throat. His arm reached over beside my body to take control of the mouse pad on my laptop. He was showing me the files that Shannon left for the conference. I wished he would do so in a less nerve-wracking manner, but he seemed oblivious to the sweat forming behind my neck and blush creeping up my ears.

"Here are the files for interviews, research and their work." He said in a professional tone. "There will be around fifty potential business partners at the conference. I need us to complete the investigation on each of them so that we can identify a list of around fifteen of the best fits according to the interest of our department. I can then interact with them tomorrow night after the presentations."

He opened an Excel file from one of the folders. "Here's the spreadsheet Shannon created. It contains links to all the interviews, articles written about and by each figure, their information and much more. It's very extensive and she was only able to complete the research on thirty people. Our job is to finish the remaining twenty and I will compare them and figure out the list by tonight."

"That sounds like a lot to do. Will we have time?" I scanned over the information and reasoned that it must have taken Shannon half a day to research just one person.

"Yes, it's going to be very tight in terms of schedule. I only learned about the conference a week ago. But, I'm hopeful we can get it done." He turned to give me an encouraging smile, his eyes twinkling with warmth. Wow, a glimpse of the sweet Logan I had known. It was a rarity since our fight at the restaurant. My heart did an elated dance.

"Here are some files to read regarding the department and our goals. This will help you decide which information is relevant and needs to be recorded on the spreadsheet." He was back to business.

When Logan was done familiarizing me with the work, he asked me if I had any questions. I shook my head as I watched him. He seemed like a stranger standing before me. We were strictly working as business partners just like he had said. I wondered how it was so easy for him to put aside everything we were and work with me, whereas I was drowning with emotions every time his eyes met mine.

My expression must have given away my thoughts, because Logan's face changed. First, he looked at me with his lips pursed and a slight frown.

"What is it?" I asked softly, my breath suddenly caught in my throat. His body was so close that I could smell his faint cologne. His scent was exactly the same as I remembered.

He lowered his head for a second and sighed. As he looked back at me with gentleness in his eyes, I swallowed to loosen the tightness in my throat. He said. "I'm really sorry about the other night, Rory. I was way out of line. I hope we can get past it."

Startled by his sudden apology, I mumbled. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I should have stayed calm."

"I don't ever want to be yelling at you. I can't take that. It kills me inside. You have to know that." His expression was pained. "It's just, seeing you with him. I just lost it. I'm sorry."

At that moment, he looked so fragile and young. I felt his words and expression sting me. I wanted to reach out and hold him, comfort him and tell him it was exactly how I felt too. Instead, I said. "I understand, Logan."

Afterwards, we silently went to work on the tasks at hand. He sat at his computer across from me while I worked on my laptop. We split up the remaining list of people and started with ten each. After two hours, I finished the first figure on my list. At this rate, we would never reach our goal. I told myself I needed to work smarter. Instead of finding out every detail on the file, I decided to highlight the most important categories of the information we needed to collect and work from there. The strategy helped a bit, allowing me to finish the next two figures in two hours. Logan had been working across from me, only stepping out of the office once in a while to take a phone call.

We both knew there were a lot of work to be done and didn't spare any time for chit-chat until lunchtime rolled around. Logan stepped out for a while and came back with Chinese take-out boxes and three large coffees. He placed two cups of coffee and a take-out box beside me and kept the other for himself.

I closed my laptop. "Thanks."

"My pleasure, Ace." He smiled.

We temporarily put the work aside and ate our lunches while facing each other. The small width of the desk meant we were sitting quite closely together. If we both leaned in at the same time, we would bump heads. There was something magical about this time with Logan. Though we haven't finished our conversation regarding the dinner, there was a mutual understanding that we were both happy to put the fight behind us for today and work together. For now, we didn't need any further explanations or apologies. We were content just being in each other's presence, enjoying a meal like we had done countless times in the past.

"I really appreciate your help, Ace." Logan looked at me with sincerity. "I know this was sudden and not exactly in your job description."

"My pleasure, Logan." I gave him a smile.

He tilted his head slightly. "I thought I was 'Mr. Huntzberger' to you." He was back to his charming, confident self. Mercurial might be a good word to describe the gorgeous man in front of me.

The familiarity in the way he smirked at me made my chest bubble. Without thinking, the sentence flew out of my mouth. "There are just so many things I could call you."

He raised an eyebrow at me, making me let out a giggle.

As I was savoring my sesame chicken, my eyes fell on the photo frame I saw on his desk the other day. Hoping to take advantage of the easy atmosphere, I asked. "Mr. Huntzberger, I was wondering if I could take a peek at the lone photo you had chosen to place in this grand office of yours. Purely for anthropic research purposes."

He chuckled. "That's an interesting research you're leading." He reached for the photo and passed it to me.

I took it from him curiously. Inside the simple silver frame was a picture taken with a snowy white background of four people smiling happily at the camera despite their red noses and cheeks. On the farthest left was Logan in his snowboard attire. To the right of him were his sister, Honor, and her husband, Josh. In Josh's arms was a darling boy around the age of three, bundled up in a bright blue scarf and tuque. He had pale blonde hair and big round eyes. They were all holding onto each other, displaying a close-knit bond. At the bottom right of the picture was a note written in black ink.

It was great to spend time with you, little brother!

Hope to see you again soon in Aspen. xoxo

"Honor got the cabin from my father when Adrian was born." Logan explained.

I looked up from the picture. "That's a pretty name. He's so precious."

"Yeah. Sometimes when I look at him, I feel like all is right with the world, you know?" Logan looked at the picture, a slight frown marring his face.

"I know what you mean. It's how I feel when I see Connie too." I smiled, remembering how Connie would run towards me as soon as I walked through the door and hug my legs while screaming my name "Rwor".

"Connie?"

I forgot that Logan didn't even know about my mom's wedding. It reminded me how long it had been since those days when we were inseparable.

"Conrad Danes, my two years old brother. Mom and Luke had gotten married about three years ago."

"Wow. It really has been a long time, huh?" A small, sad smile sat on his lips.

"Yeah. It has." I bit my mouth, unable to look at him directly. Instead, I continued to study the picture in my hands. I felt a warmth rise in me for Logan. It made me proud that he kept a picture of his sister in his office. It showed how close he was to her. Also, I was relieved that it wasn't what I had imagined.

Feeling uncharacteristically brave, I lifted my head to catch Logan's eyes. I heard myself speak. "Logan, you got to ask me this, but I never got an answer in return."

"What is it, Ace?" His face shifted into a closed-mouth smile while his eyes squinted with amusement and curiosity.

Cocking my head, I asked as indifferently as I could the exact words he had used. "Would someone as remarkable as yourself be currently seeing anyone?"

His smile turned into a flippant grin as his eyebrows shot up. "Would that question happen to be for anthropic research purposes as well?"

Not recoiling from his mockery, I said. "Maybe."

"No, Ace. Although I am remarkable, I'm not currently seeing anyone." He nodded as he spoke with a sweet arrogance. It was a very Logan Huntzberger reply, which made me let out a chuckle. I was practically beaming.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"Ace, you should take a break." Logan reached across the desk and touched my arm.

I was startled out of my daze and lifted my head. I didn't even realize I had been staring at the screen while trying hard to keep my eyes open. I looked at the time. It was 9:05. We had been working nonstop since 12:30. Logan had gotten a few stretches in by taking some phone calls, but I had been glued to my spot for eight hours straight. Now, I could feel the strain in my eyes and rubbed them with the back of my hands.

"Actually, you're done for the day. I can take it from here. There's not much left. I just have to put the list together." He got up from his seat and walked over to me. After pulling me up by the arms, he led me to the sofa.

I began to protest though my voice was weak. "No, Logan I'm fine. I'm almost done."

"Sit. Lie down for a bit. I'm almost done, then, I can drive you home." Logan walked over to the wall and opened a closet door that I hadn't notice before. He re-emerged with a fleece blanket, which he draped across my chest.

I swung my arms in front of me, fighting the sleep overcoming my body. "Must finish Dr. C. Ziltener…" I was babbling with fatigue.

I heard Logan chuckle as I failed to force my eyes open. "Rest, Ace."

I vaguely remembered feeling his hand graze the side of my head before I lost consciousness. I didn't know if the touch was out of my imagination. However, it didn't matter whether it was real. It was all I needed to drift into a deep, peaceful sleep. It was the best sleep I had gotten since Logan and I met while I stood frozen on the wide, carpeted steps on that fateful April night. That night on Logan's dark grey leather couch, wrapped in his sweet, familiar scent, I dreamt of Eiffel towers, rocket models and a pair of warm caramel eyes.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**

Let me know how you feel :)

Also, I need your input regarding the next few chapters:

I am going away for a week in mid-September (for a conference, yay!) I am planning to write chapters 10-12 before I leave. I am not sure of how I should release the chapters. I couldn't make up my mind, so I thought why not let you guys decide (since you guys are awesome).

Below are the 2 possible schedules for how often the chapters will be released. Choose your pick:

1. I can release Ch 10-12 every 3-4 days as I have been. However, this means Ch 13 won't be out until 2 weeks after Ch 12.

2. After I finish writing the chapters, instead of releasing them right away, I can hold onto them and release Ch 10-13 each 1 week apart. This way it would be more consistent.

Let me know which you prefer!

Special thanks to all my readers and for all the reviews, follows and favorites!

P.S. The song mentioned is Wake Me Up Before You Go by Wham!, and I do not own the lyrics.


	11. Chapter Ten: Playthings

❤ Chapter Ten ❤

"D'oh!" The earring stud I was working with fell onto the bathroom floor and rolled out of sight.

"Oh, great." I muttered as I got on all fours, trying to catch a glimpse of the shiny silver. Just then, my phone rang from my bedroom. After debating whether I should locate the jewelry in case I couldn't find it later or answer the phone first, I let out a frustrated groan and ran to my bed.

"Hello?" I sounded like I was in a rush, which I was.

"Hey, babe." Sam's voice came through the phone.

"Hey, Sam. What are you doing up this early? I'm sure you need the sleep after studying late last night." I ran back to the bathroom, almost slipping in the process, and crawled around the tiled floors.

"Just wanted to check in and wish you luck at the conference."

"Aw, thanks. That's sweet." I smiled into the phone, knowing he was worried about me spending the day with Logan.

"When do you have to be ready by?"

"About ten minutes ago, Mister." I ran my free hand along the floor underneath the sink cabinet, trying to feel for any small objects. "My alarm clock didn't ring, I ran out of coffee, and my earring's sprawling around somewhere on the very floor that's trying to murder me before I even get to appear incompetent and out-of-place in front of the fifteen notable figures I spent a whole day researching on."

"Don't worry, babe. I'm sure you'll appear fine." His voice was comforting. "If the earring's under the sink, just leave it. I'll find it for you next time."

"Aw, Sammy. You spoil me." I teased. "You know I'm an independent woman, perfectly capable of finding her own wandering jewelries, although the lack of caffeine in my system might be the culprit behind these clumsy hands of mine."

He snickered. "I've seen you with a pot and pan. Trust me, any amount of caffeine wouldn't help with the case."

"Hey. Thanks for the vote of confidence." I pouted.

"You're welcome." He chuckled. "All right, I'll leave you to it. Good luck today, Ror."

"Have fun studying."

"Rory Gilmore?" He said my name with mock seriousness.

"Sam Hayes?"

"I love you."

"Right back at you, babe." I grinned.

After Sam and I hung up, I gave up on the earring and started brushing my hair. It was still moist, but not noticeably so. I managed to blow dry it for five minutes before I frantically went through my closet for clothes to wear. I settled on a grey blazer with black buttons and a pair of grey dress pants. The black blouse I wore inside made a contrasting impression around the neckline. This should work, I thought to myself. Checking my watch, I realized Logan would be here any minute. A twist formed in my stomach and jitters made their way into my system. For the first time in days, my nerves didn't have to do with Logan (not entirely anyway). I was going to a business conference I knew nothing about. Even though I researched all day yesterday, I still didn't feel confident that I could walk into the building and look like I belonged. Quickly, I smoothed out my hair and changed into a pair of black heels. Just in time, the doorbell rang.

All ready to go, I ran to get the door and was greeted by the handsome image of my ex-boyfriend, co-worker and, for today, slash boss. If I thought our relationship was complicated, I couldn't even begin to understand the perplexity of the feelings boiling in me. After yesterday, I was more at ease with our situation. However, seeing him this stunning, standing there with a smile, any sane woman would have butterflies in her stomach.

"Hey, Logan."

"Hey, Ace." His dimple made an appearance as he smiled at me, not moving an inch to let me pass.

His stance was fine by me as I inspected his whole attire. We stood at my doorway, taking each other in. His hair was styled similarly as the night at the party. I couldn't pinpoint an exact reason, but the mature look made him even more alluring than usual. I didn't think it was even possible for any girl to be just friends with this man. He wore a grey suit and dress pants that were a shade lighter than mine. To my surprise, he was also wearing a black shirt under a black tie. We were basically matching.

"You look good, Ace." He finished and gave a conclusion.

"You're not too shabby yourself." I reported.

As I beamed at him, I noticed the slight crook to his tie and naturally reached out to adjust it. He thanked me with a frivolous smile. With our very serious and necessary examination complete, we headed, side by side, for the elevator.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

As we approached the venue, I realized more and more that, soon, I would be standing in a hall full of professional, accomplished people and I would have no appropriate understanding of their professions or accomplishments. The thought made me less responsive in terms of the conversation Logan and I were having. With nerves, I looked straight at the traffic.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

I smiled, remembering the many times he asked me that. "I'm thinking of when I would get those pennies you owe me."

"I've them saved up in a jar with your name on it. They aren't going anywhere." He looked at me briefly before his eyes went back on the road.

"I hope there's interest."

"You've got a fine business mind there, Ace." He snickered.

I frowned at the comment as I remembered my troubles. I did _not_ have a business mind. That was the problem. "Logan, I can't believe you made me your assistant and now I'm on my way to a conference that I've no adequate education on." I half pouted as I sank in my seat.

His head turned to me, baffled by my outburst.

I continued to sulk until he finally said with mock exasperation. "I'm sorry, Ace. If I'd known you were incapable of typing in the names of different people into search engines and generating a spreadsheet, I would have asked the next competent person. But, it seemed to me you were able to pick up the elaborate skills quite proficiently."

"It's not the work itself that I have a beef with." I frowned as panic rose. "It's the fact that I am attending a conference in a field I'm not conversant about."

"You did the research and read the company files. You know all about our objectives and platforms." He looked at me and then nodded to the coffee cup placed between our seats. "Drink more coffee, you'll feel better."

I picked up the cup and took a gulp. Tasting the ravishing bittersweet flavor only made me continue my rant. "_I _am a journalist who knows very little to nothing about the world of mergers and acquisitions. There was that economy class I took at Yale, but that's about the depth of my knowledge in that area. Everyone else there probably had years and _years_ of experience in the field and I'll be the only one who doesn't know the difference between one business jargon to another."

Logan was nodding along to my words methodically with a smile. I gestured my hands in the air. "I can't even name one right now. Not one. Ask me any word and I assure you I wouldn't know if it applied to some strategic marketing move or a lavish Ukrainian dessert made with mousse and poppy seeds." I slumped in my seat.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Beef. Mousse. Poppy seeds. Are you sure you're not just hungry, Ace?"

Ignoring his clear enjoyment, I went on. "I knew I was inexperienced going in, yet what did I do? I fell asleep at _nine_ like an eight year old child after a fruity bubble bath and failed to wake up on time. As your assistant, I represent you and El Palo Express. When you go off on your lengthy talks, I'll be left alone and there'll be people coming up to me, expecting me to discuss your work and company. This is a huge deal. Yet, I was so wrapped up in my own personal…" I shook my head. "Whatever, I just can't believe I did this." My hands fell into my lap when I was done.

He was quiet for a second, making me take a look at him. I realized he was parking the car and we were already outside the tall, blue tinted glass building.

When the car was parked, Logan turned off the ignition. Then, with his left arm placed on the steering wheel, he turned his body towards me and looked me in the eyes. He spoke with an assertive smile. "You look _incredible_, Ace. Knock 'em dead."

Goosebumps traveled along my arms as I stared back in shock. That was not what I was expecting. Eventually, I managed a small smile and murmured. "Thanks." My nerves had been temporarily subdued, replaced by a dizziness that rattled my brain.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The conference was not as terrifying as I imagined. I admit it was a great experience and not at all nerve-wracking. For most of the day, Logan and I sat in the lecture halls, listening to one presentation followed by another, only getting up for refreshments from time to time. I felt in control, knowing that I had time to learn more regarding the subjects. Though at some points, I felt like my brain would explode from all the new information. I took down twenty pages of notes by the end of the seminars, which Logan made fun of me about. By the time the cocktail party came around, I was more confident of myself and stood by Logan's side as he introduced me to various people. Every one of them projected the assured charm and poise of someone who made it through the tough business world. Logan, with his charismatic nature, seemed to fit right in. Watching him mingle and hold discussions within his circle made me proud. I was proud of everything he was and everything he did, just like I was years ago. Some things never change, no matter how long it had been.

To my surprise, I was able to carry out conversations regarding many elements of the presentations and answered questions when asked about Logan's work. Yesterday's ten hour research and the twenty pages of notes didn't failed me. The entire night, Logan stayed by my side and led me to different corners of the hall as he chatted with the targets on our list. I even contributed to some of the content. Every once in a while, Logan would sneak me encouraging looks or whisper by my ear telling me that I was doing a good job. I was completely at ease by his side. It felt just like the old times when we attended his work functions together or he accompanied me to the huge parties my grandma threw. We always had each other and we were inseparable.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Back in the car, as we drove into the night, there was a cheery air surrounding us. We were lively with excitement as we talked about the interesting things that happened.

"I can't believe we managed to catch a drunken Tom. Thomas Williams, a newcomer at El Palo back in Cali, had taken too much advantage of open bar night at his first work function. From then on, the nickname stuck and was generically applied to anyone of the same fate." Logan laughed while keeping his eyes on the road. "They usually make an appearance every once in a while. But, your first time at these conferences and you witnessed one at their best."

"Aw, poor Thomas Williams." I giggled.

"Well, he'll always be remembered for something." He chuckled. "They might even make one of those plaques with his name on it to put in the hall."

I laughed as I remembered the gentleman we saw gyrating to his own tune of "Sexyback" in the middle of the room. He clearly hadn't been keeping tabs on the amount of drinks going into his round beer belly. "Aw, it was so sad. Did you see his toupee sliding off his head inch by inch?" I watched his profile. "I cringed whenever he jerked in a way that threatened to fling it across the room." I added. "Luckily, no one got hurt."

Logan looked at me as he grinned. "Luckily, you had me there. Your shining, armored knight."

The smile on my face froze as my eyes were briefly drawn by his before he turned his attention back on the road. There was a sudden stillness in the car, which pierced through my eardrums. I looked straight ahead at the quiet road. Maybe it was his statement, which was undoubtedly flirtatious, or the moonlit highway that extended before us, but when we were sitting there without any words to fill the void, there was unmistakable electricity buzzing in the air. The currents lured my heart into an unsteady rhythm. I knew he felt it too. It was something so forceful that it was in plain sight.

Clearing my throat, I tried to start a conversation. "I had a good time tonight. It actually reminded me of those gigantic parties my grandma would throw for me back in the days. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I almost miss it." I smiled at him, hoping to return to the friendly atmosphere. "I can't remember the last time we went to one of those."

Keeping his eyes intent on the road, Logan said softly. "I remember."

My face burned a deep scarlet. Leave it to me to say the wrong things at the wrong times. The last party we attended together at my grandma's was the day Logan proposed. Now, because of my blunder, we were both thinking back to that day. I remembered everything so clearly. I remembered he saved me from a dreadful conversation with the ladies of the DAR. Then, he led me aside and told me I looked beautiful. In my mind, I saw his face in that moment and what he wore. He had on a black suit and blue shirt, looking handsome as always. I remembered how my heart skipped when he pulled me in for a kiss. Even after three years, he still had a complete control of my heartbeat. He was always by my side, looking out for me, just like today. He was my shining, armored knight.

Logan opened his mouth to speak just as I was going to say something.

We both gave an awkward laugh before he gestured towards me. "Ladies first."

I took a breath and let it out. "I'm sorry, Logan." My words rang in the air between us. At that moment, I felt the hurt I caused him on that day right in my heart.

His jaws twitched slightly as he stared straight. "Me too, Ace."

Those three little words could mean so much. They meant he was sorry for the way he handled things. He was sorry we couldn't find a solution together. He was sorry what was done was exactly that. Done.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

For the rest of the way, Logan was unusually quiet. After the several attempts to start a conversation failed, I stared out my window and watched the stars in the night sky. They were watching us, twinkling and motionless at the same time before disappearing from my view. I realized how quickly something can slip away. And nothing slips away faster, and without as much as a sound, than time. Logan was deep in thought. Though I feared not knowing what he was thinking, what I was more afraid of was the answer.

The familiar streets around my place came into view as we turned a corner. We rode in silence until we reached the road outside my apartment where he parked.

Logan sat there after turning off the engine. He seemed to be making up his mind about something. Something important. Something painful. Then, he turned to me. "Tell Sam I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult him the other day. He's a good guy. You two are good together." His mouth was pressed into a hard line as he looked me in the eyes.

A sinking feeling began in my chest, traveling all the way to my stomach. I didn't know what to make of his words and just nodded.

He breathed deeply, his chest lifting, while his mouth curled into a conflicting smile. "Thanks for your help. You did well."

"You don't need to thank me, Logan. I was just doing a job."

He gave another smile that didn't touch his eyes. "Well, your job's done. I won't be bothering you at work anymore."

My heart sank at his iron-clad words. I watched him intently, not wanting to look away. I wanted to look at him for as long as I could. As long as he would let me. I was looking at him as if my life depended on it. As if he was the only thing I could ever see. I said. "I've read so much about acquisitions anyway. If you need any help, I can always be of som-"

"Shannon called and said she'll be back tomorrow. So, I won't be needing your help in the future." His eyes were unflinching as they bored into mine.

His sudden need to draw a line between us floored me. Whatever had been going on in his head now surfaced on his face with determination. It occurred to me that I didn't know much about him. Not anymore. I didn't know what he was thinking or why he was saying this. I said. "I'll still see you around work though."

"Yeah, maybe." His lips curved into a smile.

I wished he would stop smiling at me like that. Like it was the last time he would see me. I didn't think he could hurt me more than the day at dinner, but now, it was his unresponsiveness that sank my heart. Who knew that indifference could hurt more than hatred? I realized he was waiting for me to leave. I told myself I should get out of there. I didn't want to look at his expression any longer. However, no matter how hard I willed my body to move, I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave.

My voice was sharp when I said. "Can we walk around for a bit?"

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

It was a beautiful, clear night. The stars draped above our heads like a mesh of twinkling Christmas lights, burning with their infinite charm. The mild city lights joined the spotlight, emitting a halo of warmth against the dark evening hue. It was one of those April nights in New York that reminded you just how lovely this place could be. If you had the right person to share it with, it could even be magical.

Logan and I walked down the sidewalk outside my apartment, taking in the serene air. Oak trees with newly sprouted leaves lined the street beside us, bringing a gentle rustle, accompanied by the rhythm of the spring breeze, into our awaiting ears. Everything about this night appeared perfect, yet with every click of my heels against the cement pavement, my heart shivered in anticipation of the words that would break this peace.

We remained at each other's sides as we turned a corner, entering solitude. Down the dimly lit pathway sat an empty little playground with a yellow colored slide and matching swing sets. The usually lively space stood still in the loneliness. What had been joy and laughter in the daylight was now uncovered to unveil a cold, bleak structure void of any warmth. There was something about the playground that made you want to stop for a little longer. We've all been that little kid running to the empty swing, heart pounding, hoping no one got there before us. We invented silly ways to twist the swing just a little tighter so that, upon release, the whole world flashed by before our eyes. We cried when we fell off the slide having gone a bit too fast and we fought over made-up games and string cheese snacks. Now, when we looked back at the place that brought us so many memories, what stood before us was only an empty infrastructure made of metal and paint. Sometimes, you can't help but squeeze into the cold, crammed seat and think back to those days. That was when everything was perfect and anything that sparkled was magic.

"You wanna sit for a bit?" I stopped before the bench.

"Sure."

We sat facing the playground, inches apart, leaving enough space so that our legs didn't touch. Logan was never one to leave room between us. Of course, that was when we were together.

"I come here by myself once in a while to clear my head." I looked at the gravel beneath my feet.

"Let me guess, you bring a book to read?"

I gave a faint smile. "Yeah. Usually _Jane Eyre_. Something about this place makes me want to go to 1847's London."

"You didn't develop a liking for Mr. Rochester, did you?" A small curve appeared on his lips.

I chuckled. "Although fantastically ugly, he's real."

Logan looked at me with a crooked eyebrow.

"I mean, I know he's not real. He's a character from _Jane Eyre_, yes. But, he's not some rich, stuck-up, gorgeous man who knows all the right things to say. He's just a man with emotions, baggage and a past."

"Hm, does that make me unreal?" Logan turned his head and smiled for the first time in what seemed like ages.

I let out a soft giggle.

As we settled into a routine silence, my mind began to wander. Maybe it was the fact that I was sitting in the spot I would come to whenever I thought of Logan, but I was finally not afraid. I wanted to be heard.

"Two years."

"What?" Logan watched me in the dim light.

"I didn't move on from us just like that you know." My voice was a bare whisper. "It took me two years to finally think about accepting Sam as more than a friend." I looked at him. His face was turned away and his jaws tightened as he stared down at the ground.

The silence gave me the courage to go on. "Because I couldn't give him the love he deserved. I couldn't give him my whole heart… when part of it was with you." I stopped breathing, not wanting to miss any hint of a reaction.

After a few seconds, Logan looked up. His eyes were dark and solid while they bored into mine. They shielded any emotions. "But you're with him now."

I swallowed. "Yes." My heart was picking up speed. Any word from him would set it crashing.

He let out a long breath as he lowered his head. Without looking me in the eyes, he turned towards me. "I did call you, you know."

My heart stopped in its track. I didn't allow myself to over-think this statement, in case I couldn't deal with the disappointment that might follow.

"I was so wrapped up in my anger and pride that I did consider leaving all this behind. I tried to move on, I really did. But, in the end, I realized I couldn't." Finally, he held my gaze. With soft, erratic breaths, he said. "I realized I still loved you."

I stared at him, his eyes sincere and his face folded into a small frown. His sudden confession was more than I hoped for. The chamber in my chest found its beat and picked up right where it left off. Loud thumps resounded in my head. I think I'm dreaming, the thought crossed my mind along with a million more. I opened my mouth. "When?" I paused. "When did you call?"

"A year after I left. But you changed your number."

"Oh." The sound escaped my lips. Damn that stupid, cheap phone plan my friend Elizabeth had coaxed me into joining. "All you need to sacrifice is your current number and you've got yourself the best deal you could ever find." She had said.

I quickly explained. "Ugh, I changed my number because my friend wanted us to try this new deal. Anyway, never mind that, I can't believe that…" My voice trailed off as I focused on Logan's face. It hit me. He said "loved". It was all in the past.

So many feelings and thoughts were going around in my mind. No matter what tense he used, I still couldn't believe he called. What if I didn't change my number? What if he reached me? Would we be in a different place now? What about Sam? I was deep in dilemma. But, no matter how many emotions were going through me, I couldn't help but feel the one, tiny speck that was clawing its way up. I was hopeful. Hoping to catch something in his eyes, I looked at Logan, praying to see a bit of what we could be, even if it was with a millionth chance.

In the next minute, we looked at each other, saying nothing. But it was the kind of nothing that told everything. In his eyes, I didn't see any trace of what I hoped for. Staring back at me was a stranger. He made a decision and was keeping to it. The coldness I saw in the car was back, with more edge and intensity. A lump formed in my throat before I swallowed it away. I thought back to everything we laid on the table. We poured our hearts out yet this was the conclusion he came to. In this moment, his eyes could have changed everything I had known for the past three years in a single second. My life stood in limbo as it awaited his response. It could go in either one of two directions and it was all helplessly left in his hands. I told myself ten seconds was all I would give him and started counting down. As the seconds ticked by, his expression was unwavering. In the final seconds, my heart let out a sad, weak heave. I felt my heart sink as I willed away the burn in my eyes. The truth was finally out. It was in the form of the man who broke my heart so many times. This time, it was final. No matter how much I hoped for it, how much I wanted it, we could never go back.

A buzzing noise came from Logan's suit pocket and startled us out of our deadly lock. I watched as Logan reached into his jacket and took out his phone. Before I could catch myself, my eyes scanned the lit screen. They say women have some sort of a sixth sense. In that second, I believed in it. My fingers gripped onto the edge of the bench until my knuckles were chalk white. I read the name that flashed across the screen.

Amelia.

* * *

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I'd like to thank everyone for being so supportive and sweet regarding the posting schedule. I will be posting the next few chapters once a week. Expect Ch 11 to be up next Monday (Sept 9th).

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	12. Chapter Eleven: Numbers

❤ Chapter Eleven ❤

**_Logan_**

**Two years ago**

Her head fell back, soft auburn curls falling below her waist, as she writhed under my touch. With one arm, I pushed against her back, silky underneath my fingertips, and pressed her warm body to me. She was small and fragile, all skin and bones. Quite a different one this time. Feeling her body against mine, straining for more, I slid my mouth alongside her neck, my kisses traveling down, eventually tracing the soft flesh around her collarbone. Her back quivered as a soft sound escaped her lips.

"Gavin…"

My lips twitched at the name. I could get used to this one. Gently, I brushed the nape of her neck, underneath her cascading locks that were cradling my face, knowing it would send her body into a frenzy, just like the rest of them. Her smell of peaches and tangerine accompanied her shivers in bursts, mixing with my faint breaths of alcohol. Definitely different – yet the same. The same as times before, I put my arms around the girl's waist and picked up her weight, moving towards the cold king-sized bed at the corner of the room, which I called home.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

San Francisco. Only thirty-seven minutes away. I stared down at the newspaper in my hands. That was where she was. Thirty-seven minutes away, yet so far. So far, in a place unreachable, proven by the still, monotonous voice that rang in my ear, the day I dialed that number. That number that I had memorized – etched into my brain. That was all it was now. Just numbers.

"Hey, sexy." A sharp, soft voice filled my ears as a pair of thin, pale arms wrapped around my shoulders. Then, a peck landed on my right cheek.

I turned my head, meeting dark auburn strands draping across my chest, and a pair of wide brown eyes. She was beautiful. Might even qualify in the top three. "Morning." My coarse voice answered.

"You know, Gavin, you could at least make your one-night-stand a coffee in the morning." She smirked. Her skinny face was frail, yet she exuded confidence in the way she talked. I remembered how her voice intoxicated me last night – right into her arms.

A smile touched my lips. This one was definitely something different. My hands briefly caressed her arms before prying them away from my body. I stood up and walked over to the kitchen island a few steps away. There, I poured a cup of coffee for the girl waiting at the dining table.

"Aren't you a solemn masterpiece?" Her voice pierced through the morning air.

I sauntered back to the table and placed the cup in front of where she was now sitting, cross-legged. "One cup and you may leave." I threw a smile while staring straight into her eyes.

She bit her bottom lip and frowned, her brown eyes even wider than before. "Wow, you're a true gentleman." Reaching for the cup, which looked gigantic between her thin fingers, she quipped. "Thanks for sparing a cup of this caffeinated goodness."

My heart pinged. Her words were a bit too close to home. There was a reason I hated coffee. "If you could hurry, I'd appreciate it."

Entering the bedroom, I opened my closet to grab a set of clothes. I was indeed in a hurry. I had an eight o'clock meeting to catch.

"Geesh, I knew I should have expected this." She raised her voice in my direction.

I scoffed under my breath. Damn, this girl just doesn't quit. I should have picked the blonde.

"Men are all the same. Compliments and kisses to get into your panties, then the morning comes and it's all 'If you could hurry, I'd appreciate it'."

A suppressed chuckle came out my mouth at her imitation of, what I could only assume to be, my voice. I called out into the living room. "Nina, it was really fabulous meeting you. I hope to see you around."

"It's Nia." An annoyed bellow came back.

Smiling, I used my most charming tone. "Yes, Nia. I'm sorry. I'll be sure to get your name right next time."

"Considering we don't even have each other's numbers, I assume you'll just guess it?" I pictured her hands on her waist, face folded at the brows.

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be." I yelled back, striping off my shirt.

Finally, I heard the chair squeak against the wood flooring and the sound of a cup landing in the sink. I shook my head and headed for the bathroom.

When I came out of the shower, Nia was gone. All that was left was the smell of soft peaches lingering in the air, and the print of her body against the white cotton sheets, scrunched on her side of the bed.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"Where the hell have you been?" The angry figure standing under my doorway had a matching voice, loud and hostile.

"What are you doing here?" I kept mine under control, despite my surprise.

"You turned off your cell, and your pager. You know you're not supposed to."

"Dad, I believe I don't work for you anymore."

"But, you're still my son!" He lost it. "You have responsibilities to carry for this family."

There it was again. I lost count of the times I'd heard the phrase. Losing my patience, I tried to push my way through the door.

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" My father's voice boomed in the hall.

I faced him, anger rising in me. "Are we really going to do this? In public?"

"We wouldn't need to do this if you showed up to any of the five dinners I told you to go to." He snarled, baring his teeth. "They expected you and you blew them off one by one. You embarrassed me and you embarrassed yourself."

"I told you, Dad. Leave it alone." The words seethed through my teeth. "It's my own life."

He snorted in response. "Your own life? And who gave you that life? You were born into this family, so you'll deal with the rules. Just like how you were perfectly fine dealing with all the luxuries you could afford." I watched the vein on his forehead throb. "I don't care what you do with your career as long as it's profitable and dignified. But, you'll settle down, marry and carry on the family name."

"Just stop, Dad." I tried again to push past him, but his hands, forced on my chest, blocked my way.

"Don't mess up the dinner tonight. They're a very important name in the business and possess much power. If you can make it work, the union'll be beneficial for you and me." He grabbed my arm as if he would personally pull me into whichever restaurant he and the family chose this time. "I'll make sure you get your ass there even if my life depended on it. I won't be left explaining to them, humiliated to my bones, why you wasted their Saturday night, not bothering to show up as their daughter sat there and waited."

I tore my arm out of his grip. "Dad…" My eyes narrowed as anger brimmed on the edge.

"The daughter's lovely. I've seen her myself. A real catch, although a bit small in frame. Her last name is what makes her six feet tall." He spoke as if he was comparing electronics at the counter. "No doubt she'll make a good wife. Educated, well-mannered and docil-"

"Stop!" My anger boiled over, my temper unleashed. "How many times do I have to tell you this? No matter how many of these damn dinners you set me up with, I won't be going to any one of them." I shoved past his body and out the door. I was going to get out of the building. I had to make the stinging pain disappear.

As I made my way out the lobby, sweat dampening my forehead, my footsteps halted at the sight of the two black sedans lined up by the sidewalk. Shit. My father was really going to do this. The doors opened and out walked two burly men, no doubt security guards from my dad's company. What the hell was he doing in California anyway?

The firm voice came from behind. "Come on, Logan. You'll like this one."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

She was five minutes late. What the hell? I could be working on the cases sitting in my office right now. Instead, I was stuffed into a chair, too small for any man of decent size to sit comfortably in, staring at the center piece in the middle of the table. What was with all the damn pink in this restaurant? I drummed my fingers against the wood as I glanced around the room. My eyes darted to the men blocking the entrance, standing with their arms behind their back. Jesus, my father needed to get a new hobby.

A middle-aged, well-dressed woman walked through the sliding doors, looking anxiously over her shoulder. She gestured, as lady-like as possible, until her target was right behind. I couldn't see the person's face as they stood by the door, limbs waving in the air. The older woman grabbed the smaller figure's arm, her beefy grip enveloping the thin stick, as they entered further into the restaurant. Eventually, when they were in the middle of the room, I saw the girl's face as she dragged her feet below her. She looked familiar with her dark curls, slim, small features and unmistakable beauty. I guessed her to be in her mid-twenties. I swore I'd seen her somewhere before. To my dismay, the two women walked towards my table. Table fifty-six. Specifically reserved by Mitchum Huntzberger.

"Gavin!" Her wide eyes rounded at the corners as her lips curled into a smile. Dimples formed on her cheeks.

Shit. The memory hit me. If it isn't Miss Troublesome. "Hey…" I stood from my seat and nodded towards her, a smile expertly plastered on my face. "Ni… Nina? Nia!"

Her eyes narrowed, and her face shifted into an annoyed frown. I took in her porcelain complexion and the defined contour of her face. She was, indeed, a gorgeous woman.

"What is he talking about?" The older woman spoke up, forcing her presence on me.

I turned to her and gave a smile, waiting for Nia to explain.

"Mother, this is Gavin. I met him the other day."

"Why is he calling you Nia?" The woman glared from her daughter to me, while still managing to look poised. She reminded me of the woman I called my mother.

I shrugged at her.

Nia, or whatever her name was, grinned. "Mother, excuse him, he has had terrible memory ever since his biking accident where he hit his head on a street pole."

I turned my head towards the voice in disbelief.

Her mother observed me with narrowed eyes, not knowing what to believe. I had a feeling this wasn't the only far-fetched lie "Nia" had told. Then, the older woman squinted at the white card placed on the table beside me, which read fifty-six. "What are you doing here? This table is reserved."

The girl gently pulled her mother away and stepped towards me. "Yeah, Gavin. You didn't happen to see a gentleman at this table before you came, did you? Probably with buck teeth and a balding head? I know my father's taste in men." She stated matter-of-factly with no trace of humor in her big, brown eyes. I felt my lips curl as I shook my head.

"Amelia!" Her mother did not like that. "That is very rude of you." She turned her daughter around so they were face to face. "Why don't you go freshen up before Mr. Huntzberger gets here? Go powder your nose." She gestured towards the end of the room.

Amelia, I assumed was the name, rolled her eyes and stepped away from her mother. Instead, she went to sit at the chair on the other side of the table, her slender frame folding gracefully into the small seat. I noticed her pale, long legs showing beneath her skirt. "Mother, if I powdered my nose any more, I would be a clown. With a white nose at that."

I watched her with amusement. We both used fake names. Interesting. So, she was the slim girl with a big last name. I spoke up, my eyes not leaving her face. "Actually, I'm the one you're looking for. Sorry to disappoint you."

I felt both women's heads snap towards me.

"Gavin?"

"Mr. Huntzberger?"

I chuckled and turned to Amelia's mom, working my charm at full notch. "Hi. You can call me Logan." Extending my hand, I gave a smile.

She took my hand in hers and shook it firmly. "It's my pleasure, Logan. I'm Grace, Grace Elswood."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Elswood."

"Woah, what's going on?" The sharp voice, like chimes, interrupted. "Am I the only one a little befuddled here?"

I grinned at the woman sitting down. "Befuddled?" My head tilted. "I don't see any reason to be befuddled. You and I are going to have dinner at this table. Table fifty-six." With the smile glued to my face, I looked into her eyes, silently reminding her of the type of non-committal guy I was, just like I told her the other night before spreading her body onto my bed.

Her unflinching gaze met mine, her eyes taking me on my challenge.

A cough broke our lock. "All right. I will be leaving now. Have a wonderful night." Amelia's mother took one last look between me and her daughter before smiling at me. Gigantic dollar signs reflected off her pupils as she turned to leave.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"Is this a joke, Gavin? Or is it Logan?" She folded her arms on the table, with her brown, questioning eyes on me.

"You're not the only one allowed to use a fake name." I replied wryly.

"Huh, I knew you were disturbed, but I had no idea you and I were in the same boat. Pawns in our parents' games of 'who can abuse their powers to the max'."

My eyes shot up to meet hers. "Interesting way of putting it."

She leaned back against her seat. "So, what do we do now?"

"I'm not marrying you, if that's what you mean."

A snort met my ears. "Puh-lease, after the cold way you treated a lady the morning right after?"

"You know you're a lot prettier when your mouth's shut." I smirked.

"You mean, when I'm sprawling naked on your bed." She retorted without missing a beat.

"That too."

I didn't like the way the girl bantered. It stirred something in my heart. _The number – how could she change it? Now, she was unreachable._

"So, why are you like this?"

"What?" Her question, more like an accusation, caught me off guard.

"Brooding, dark and clearly screwed up." She took a bite of her steak.

"I'm disappointed." I focused on my drink, pursing my lips as the liquid slid down my throat. "You're not as well-mannered or docile as given on the package description."

A saccharin grin came my way as a fork met the girl's mouth. "Like you boys, I use my charm when the time calls for it."

I remained silent and examined the person across from me. I expected someone a lot more demure from the families my father deemed of Huntzberger marriage material. Did he know his potential daughter-in-law went home with strangers she met at bars? I supposed to him all that mattered was the surname or, maybe, she did put up a very good show with the dress and dimples. At least this made my night slightly more bearable. Nothing ruined my day more than having to make conversations with fake, rich bimbos. Them being in my bed was a different case, but having to sit across from them and hear the words come out their mouths, I would rather screech nails against a chalkboard. At least Amelia was an entertainment. And her body, if I remembered correctly, was divine. Though, no one's was the same as _hers_. An agonizing pang hit my chest.

The girl took a sip of champagne before continuing. "Something must have happened. Got dumped by the love of your life, perhaps? Never saw it coming? A rich, handsome guy like you, you must have been blindsided."

My brows furrowed. "What does it take for you to shut up?"

"Okay, you're clearly in a bad mood."

"No kidding."

"I was spot-on, wasn't I? If not, you wouldn't be so pissed."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Tell me about her. What's her name?"

Ignoring the annoying voice, I glanced at the clock. Just one more hour. My eyes fled to the entrance, and drooped when they saw the same men standing there. Without a doubt, they were getting paid a heavenly amount.

"How old are you anyway? I'm twenty four, going to be twenty-five in a month." Her mouth just kept moving.

She was a lot less talkative and a lot more alluring the other night, when there was alcohol running through both of our bodies. The smell of peaches and tangerine came to me. Maybe, I could shut her up when she was tucked in my bed. My eyes bored into hers as I asked. "What do you say we finish up here and hang at my place, _Amelia_?"

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

It was too hot. Warm wind blew against my face as burning dust landed on my skin. I forced my eyes open against the bright rays. The sun blazed down as I stood on a cliff, high up in the sky, watching the edge many feet away. The yellow, dry earth rumbled underneath my feet as the wind blew balls of soil across the plains. Anxiety washed over me as I squinted into the horizon. A figure stood at the very edge, facing the sky. It was a girl, with long brown hair fluttering in the air, and pale limbs by her side. Her fists were clenched, and her shoulders tense. She looked familiar – close in my memory, yet so far away. My heart started throbbing, a slow, dull ache. Without knowing, my feet moved across the ground. I edged closer and closer towards the girl. Closer and closer towards the edge. She turned around and I stopped in my track. Brown locks flew around her heart-shaped face, cradling her porcelain skin. Her electric blue eyes pierced into mine, pummeling my heart to the ground. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I couldn't believe it, but I felt close to her somehow. Like I knew her. The name came to me – a name special in my heart. It rolled off my tongue, and I knew it was where it belonged.

"Ace…"

My vision was met with darkness as I blinked a couple of times. It was too hot. I wiped at my clammy neck and ripped the sheets off of my body. I turned around and froze. There was a body on the other side of the bed. Her dark hair, spilling on the pillows and pale complexion, glittering under the moonlight from the floor-length window, came into view. Images of the dream started to haunt me as a sigh racked through my breath. Shit. It was going to be another sleepless night. I got up from the bed and walked to the window. After twisting the metal piece on the lock, the glass door slid open noiselessly. There, on the balcony, the cool night breeze hit my sweat-covered skin. Taking a seat in one of the patio chairs, I faced the night view.

She was here in the same state, thirty-seven minutes away. Looking towards the northwest, I wondered what she was doing now. Whether her lids were closed against those pale blue eyes, or if she was restless just as I was. I wished she was happy - happier than back then. Though we were happy, so happy, I wanted even more for her. I wanted her to wake up everyday with so much to look forward to. I wanted her to see the world, explore every corner, every option. Just like she had wanted - without me.

I shut my eyes as a weight sank into my chest. I pictured her carefree laugh, clever voice, and the love held in her eyes whenever they looked into mine. A creak to my left startled my eyes open. I looked towards the sound and saw an arm extended towards me, holding a beer. I blinked, looking up at the hand's owner, and saw the familiar girl from my dream. No, except her eyes were dark and deep, her cheekbones were sharp on her tiny face, and her frame was small and fragile.

After taking the beer without a word, we sat beside each other in silence and drank. I leaned back in my seat and felt a sense of familiarity grow in me towards the stranger on my left. I knew her no more than two days, but something about her made me _know_ her.

I watched her silhouette as she sat with a beer in one hand, wearing my T-shirt, which draped at her hips. I studied her body, her arms wrapped around her knees, and legs translucent under the soft hue from the stars above us.

Seeing the familiar glow of her skin and waves along her dark hair, a pair of piercing blue eyes drifted into my view. Turning my head to look straight, I spoke up into the night air.

"Her name is Rory."

* * *

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	13. Chapter Twelve: Possibilities

❤ Chapter Twelve ❤

Amelia. The name flashed once more on Logan's phone.

I continued to stare at it while a cold breeze hit me and traveled down my spine. I suppressed a shudder, my focus determined on the man beside me. I watched with a knot in my chest as he looked at his phone and stiffened ever so slightly. His shoulders hunched until the screen was no longer in view. I examined his tense posture as he read the message. His stance didn't allow me any glimpse of his face and, for that, I was grateful. I couldn't bear seeing any trace of warmth begin in his eyes at someone else's name. I didn't dare fathom how different it would be from the blank looks he had given my way. I was a coward, for that I was certain. However, in that moment, I wanted to be nothing else. With each passing second, possibilities increased. For once, I didn't think about them. Every joule of energy seeped out of my body. My heart was wholly spent. I looked away from Logan and faced straight. It was completely dark now. Even with the lone street lamp illuminating the playground, all I saw was its soft silhouette. Realizing I was still gripping the bench, I slowly relaxed my fingers.

From my peripheral, I saw Logan text a reply. It was quick.

"It's getting late. Do you want to walk back?" He straightened himself, ready to end the night. In a way, it had already ended.

"Sure." I stood up and lifted my face into a courteous smile. Bowing my head to brush off the dust on my dress pants, I took in gulps of air under my breath before eventually looking up. "Ready?"

Logan was already standing. We didn't make eye contact, and didn't need to. The look I had seen was enough. It told more than an Eiffel tower, sitting on a dark wood shelf in a sterile office. It was stronger than exchanging heated words, over dinner in a busy restaurant. A look can be the start of something, and also the end of everything.

We walked back along the same route but it felt shorter. Soon, we were standing face to face in front of my apartment with a large distance between our feet.

"Thanks again for your help."

"You're welcome." My cheeks felt heavy as I continued to smile.

"I guess I'll see you around." He nodded gently, looking into my eyes.

"Yeah. See you around." I waved as if we were old friends coming back from a group dinner.

Before I left, I stole a chance to take him in. I didn't know why, but this moment felt crucial somehow. I noticed his blonde hair, now somewhat disheveled from the breeze, and cheeks a soft pink from the chilly night air. His hands were stuffed into his pants pockets as he stood, feet a shoulder-width apart. His stance was familiar, but the subtle slump of his shoulders stood out. My eyes traveled to the pale skin beneath his neck, translucent above the dark fabric and the tie I fixed this morning, now crooked against his shirt. I brought my gaze up, landing on his eyes. Dark and deep. They held steady, but wilted at the corners. They were an eerie resemblance to what I had seen years ago, the day we said goodbye.

Before I lost my composure, my feet moved to turn my body around. I concentrated on walking towards the glass doors a few feet away and scrutinized the dim lobby inside, with its aged leather sofa and faded coffee table. They were a welcomed sight. They felt like home, like the only familiar thing I saw all night. As I approached the doors, my ears tuned in to the soft buzz of the light bulb above the entrance, and the sharp clicks of my heels echoing around me. If he left, he left without a sound. I didn't hear any footstep.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

In the living room, I sat down with my heart thudding against my chest. Staring at the clock above the TV, I breathed in and out every three seconds. Each tick resonated in my ears, mocking me with its unfazed rhythm. My heart was frantic, my hopes were shattered, but the world went on. The warmth of the room cradled my cold face and feelings in my fingers slowly returned. I placed them on the fabric, feeling the fibers rough against my skin, and relished the sense of something concrete.

I made it through today. It was over. It was funny that I experienced so many emotions in the past few days when I spent years trying to feel the exact opposite. As soon as Logan was back, I was powerless against my own self. Against the part of me that just couldn't let go of something of the past. Like ashes from flames, it no longer existed in tangible forms. Yet it trickled into my lungs, scorching every surface. Marking its history. I couldn't handle much more and wasn't going to think, at least not today. Once I started, I knew it would only be a dark, bottomless hole.

I walked into the bathroom and peeled off my clothes. Shrug out of the blazer, unbutton the blouse, I instructed along in my head. As my arms moved independent of my mind nevertheless, my eyes fell upon the silver earring on the white counter. My lips curved, remembering how Sam was supposed to help me retrieve the other. Placing the earring into the wooden jewelry box sitting by the corner, my eyes were caught by the sparkling symbol cradled in the velvet blue slot. I reached for it and held it in my palm. Every color radiated off the tiny crystals, vivid against the white gold. The colors started on one end and continued onto the other, weaving into a solid infinity. I stood there, staring at it, appreciating every characteristic of its beauty. It was light in my hand and heavy at the same time.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"So, I told Amanda she can shove her convoluted, uninteresting story up her tiny ass and I won't be as considerate next time if I hear any more rumors regarding you and lover boy." Candice waved her forkful of pasta above her plate like karate chops. "Rory!" She jabbed her weapon across the table.

"Yeah, I'm listening." I looked up and forced a smile.

"No, you're not. You're not listening. You're not _eating_. What are you doing?" She putted the pasta into her mouth and proceeded to steal a piece of chicken from my plate. Her dangling silver bracelet contrasted the glowing tan on her skin.

I looked down and realized she was right. I barely touched my food. This was the most obvious sign of a distressed Gilmore. How could I have been so careless to give it away? As if to prove her wrong, I ate a large mouthful without tasting a thing and chewed with difficulty. Ow, my tongue didn't appreciate the move.

"Come on, girl. You have to give me _something_. I could be back in Florida right now, in my new bikini, evening out my tan lines. I came back early just so I can hear about your conference face to face. So far, I've got nothing." Candice gave her most serious don't-you-dare-test-my-patience squint.

I chortled on the food in my mouth. Taking a gulp of coffee, I focused on swallowing. "I believe Peter was the reason you came back early, Candice. Him and the pile of unfinished articles on your desk. Speaking of Florida, how did the bikini treat you? Any causalities on the white sands of Naples?"

I spent all day yesterday sulking around. I tried everything to not think of Logan. I even went to the gym. Therefore, I wasn't going to give in to Candice until she was dragging me by the collar and holding me above the dark, bottomless hole also known as my impending fall.

"Let's just say I packed in as many eye candies into two days as possible. Being the sweet older sister I am, I let Abby have some too." She grinned. "I've forgotten how relaxing it was back home. Being in the Big Apple really accelerates your life. You age twice as fast, constantly being on the go. I almost forgot the healing powers of a sunbath. And the guys there. Boy, they-" Uh oh. Her eyes narrowed. "Did you really think you can ask me enough questions that I forget about your conference?"

"My mom has won medals for it. I thought I'd give it a try." I shrugged, but couldn't help a tiny smile.

"I'll make it easy for you, just one ques-" Candice froze mid-sentence as her eyes fixated on something behind me. I sat up straighter, panicked at her sudden stillness. Could it be Logan? The first thought popped into my head, resounding like a church bell in an empty hallway. It couldn't be him. We were in a neighborhood far from work. I made sure of it when Candice asked where I wanted to eat.

"What is it?" I whispered. Beads of sweat were breaking out on my forehead.

"Nothing." She muttered as her eyes traveled slowly to my right. Then, she looked down and dug at her food.

Relief washed over me at her response. I knew I was in safe territory, for now, anyway. However, there was definitely something strange about her reaction. Candice was never one to be anywhere near distraught.

I turned my head to where she had been looking. I scanned the crammed tables scattered across the restaurant. There was a couple in their forties enjoying their meals and a skinny man, no older than thirty, with red curls around his ears, working on his laptop. The booth to his right sat four formally dressed individuals. They were in the middle of, what looked like, a work gathering. I couldn't spot anything alarming that might have elicited her behavior. Just as I was turning back, I spotted the tall, lean man, with short dark hair and a distinguished jawline that carved a classic look of handsomeness on his chiseled face. I recognized him immediately. He was a friend of mine who I met through Sam. Now, I knew the reason behind Candice's nerves although she would never admit to it. I tried hard to suppress the smile spreading on my lips until I noticed the man was conversing with a woman across from him. She had short, dirty blonde hair and wore a fitting hot pink dress that hugged her curvy body. Her feet were clad in stiletto heels to make up for her petite frame. My amusement subsided as sympathy for my friend took over.

"Candice, are you okay?" She was eating silently. Unlike me, she was much better at appearing unaffected.

She put down her utensils with a bit more force than necessary and looked at me, eyes hard. "Of course, why shouldn't I be?"

"It's just, well, you just saw Jeremy last week." My brows furrowed. I knew she was upset seeing him with someone else, although they both weren't the monogamous types. I understood because I was once in her position. Hastily, I pushed the memory into the bottom of my mind.

Candice bit her bottom lip, deep in thought. Then, to my surprise, she gave a mischievous grin. Certainly, nothing she did should surprise me anymore. "You're right. I can't just sit back and not do anything."

"Okay…those weren't my exact words, Mister. But what genius plan have you come up with now and should I be alarmed enough to stop eating all together?"

"Oh, you should eat and enjoy." She turned around and flashed a winning smile to get the server's attention. The youngster came bouncing at her beck and call, eyes glistening at the beautiful view he was rewarded with.

I was intrigued.

"Hi, can I buy a drink for that gentleman over there in the white dress shirt and black pants?" Candice cooed as she aimed at her target.

The guy, who looked to be in his sophomore year, nodded without a sound as he gazed at Candice's face, most likely generating pictures of Candice and him, running off into the sunset together hand in hand. Either that or something less PG-13. He unwillingly turned to walk away, looking back twice at our table while almost bumping into a customer.

"You think he'll make it to the bar or should we have 9-1-1 dialed on our phones as a preliminary precaution?" I joked as Candice fussed over her hair and white blouse. She came to a satisfaction and looked over at Jeremy's table. He was concentrated on the small blonde in front of him and wouldn't have noticed even if Candice started doing back flips in the center of the room.

We watched as the server walked over to Jeremy, carrying a single drink on his tray. He bent down to place the drink in front of our target. Jeremy and the blonde looked up, baffled. The server's hands danced around as he explained and turned to point to Candice. Jeremy's eyes traveled along the direction and widened at the sight of us. He licked his lips as he stared, something like embarrassment plastered on his face. The blonde was staring back and forth between Candice and her date. Finally, she settled on glaring at the man at her table, who was now awkwardly smiling back.

I chuckled and took a sip of my coffee.

Candice turned her body their way and broke into her most bedazzling smile. She waved at Jeremy, mouthing. "Hi, call me!"

I almost snorted liquid up my nose.

Blondie's head snapped in our direction, steam shooting out of her ears. She looked at Candice up and down and straightened herself. A scorn so deep appeared on her face that I was afraid her false eyelashes might pop off. She tugged at her dress, revealing more cleavage, an almost impossible mission. To her dismay, Jeremy couldn't have cared less as he continued to look at Candice, eventually composing himself to give her his own charming smile. Whirls of smoke diffused out of Blondie's head. She could combust any minute. It was safe to say their date was more or less ruined.

"You could have at least warned me to grab a fire extinguisher." I laughed.

"Baby, you fight fire with fire." Candice grinned as she crossed her arms.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes. Staring at the computer screen all day created a headache even seven cups of coffee couldn't cure, and today being the first day of the week only made things worse. However, there was no other choice. Because of the time I spent helping Logan with his conference, I now had an extra pile of inventory on my desk beside the usual "To do" and "Complete" files, labelled "Late". Peter gave me a two days extension on the deadline, which was uncharacteristically generous of him. I had no doubt that a certain big shot from California had something to do with it. I bit my lip at the thought of Logan as images of last night appeared before me. The way he sat, with his squared shoulders caging me in and unflinching eyes seeping into mine, stuck in my mind like a barnacle clinging on to rocks at low tide. It was firm and tenacious in its grip. It knew no other way, because it was where it belonged. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't wake up in the morning or walk through the halls without him on my mind. He made his decision, a secret that taunted me. I was haunted and I wondered whether he was doing just fine.

At five, I finished the article I was working on all day and organized the notes into the "Complete" pile. Satisfaction danced across my stomach. Despite the long hours I spent at the office, I loved writing. Nothing felt as good as uncovering a story and exposing every gritty bit of truth and dirt for the readers to see. I could start on another article, I thought. I turned and looked around me, noticing how empty the place was. The sight brought a small yawn to my lips. Maybe, it could wait 'till tomorrow, coaxed the sleepy cells in my brain. However, I scanned the thick pile of folders on my desk and knew I had no choice but to stay behind. Before I got to them, I pulled out my phone to give Sam a call. I wondered how his exam went. Also, I could do with a comforting voice to chase away the fatigue.

My boyfriend's deep baritone came through. "Hello?"

"Hey, how was your exam? Let me know if I should be saying 'fantastic job on a huge accomplishment that'll impact your career even years down the road' or 'that's okay, nobody looks at transcripts anymore, all that matters is what you take away from the experience.'"

"How about 'though you did a great job, babe, let's forget about it and go celebrate'" Sam's happy voice rang in my ear.

"That's great, Sammy." I smiled, knowing he would do well. "But, I won't be done 'till nine, want to meet then?"

"Actually, Vince and the others are hosting a party and I agreed to go. I thought you could come too."

"Aw, but you know I have to finish a gazillion assignments before Wednesday and really need to stay behind."

Sam sighed. "I know, babe, but can't you spare just one night for your adorable boyfriend?"

"You know I'm fully aware of how adorable you are, but I just don't think I can concentrate on anything else if I didn't do this. The 'Late' pile's glaring at me. I swear it's growing bulkier by the minute." I pouted at the folders on my desk. "I promise I'll make it up to you. Go have fun while you have the chance, because past Wednesday you're all mine." I added as I remembered what I had in mind. I had been so wrapped up with the Logan affair that I forgot about the plans I had for Friday. This Friday, the decision regarding the scholarship Sam applied for months ago would be released. I knew it was really critical for his move to Australia and would relieve some financial burdens, although he always masked his anxieties around me.

He chuckled. "I'll be holding you to it."

"Yes, Sir."

"Don't work too late, Ror. I 'll call you after the party."

"Have fun. Say 'hi' to Vince for me."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The faint wood of the elevator doors emitted spots before my eyes. I stood there like a zombie, watching the patterns swim around. I needed to get food into my system and fast. The greasier, the better. Blame my unhealthy regime on my mother who recognized potato chips as the only item in the vegetable category. After the doors opened on the first floor, I stepped out without noticing my surroundings. My mind was in a land far away with houses made of apple pie and lakes of caramel latte. I indulged in my fantasy as I walked towards the door.

Before I passed the couches, a familiar sight in the distance dragged me out of my reverie. Although familiar, it was an image that catapulted my heart down a cliff. Everything else faded away as my vision zoomed in on the figure standing to the left of the glass doors. He was talking on the phone with his back to me. I could recognize the build and tousled blonde hair anywhere. My head buzzed with anticipation, and tingles crawled under my skin. Even after last night, I couldn't stop my wonder-struck teenage self from making an appearance. The memory of the intensity I had seen in his caramel eyes drove my mind into a frenzy as the name Amelia popped into my head. Cold sweat formed behind my neck. What should I do? My instinct was to bolt for the doors with my tail tucked between my legs. Then, there was the other part of me that did cartwheels at the sight of him. Say hi! Say hi! It screamed before I cursed it away. My movement was no longer connected to my brain as I continued towards the door, edging closer to the figure. When I was close enough to hear his words, my ears perked up.

"All right, I'll see you Friday. Have a nice night." My heart froze. That sounded like a closing line. Does that mean he was hanging up? Does that mean he was going to turn around and look at me with those dazzling eyes until I was a puddle at his feet? I gulped.

Sure enough, he clicked off his phone and headed for the entrance. Just as he was reaching for the door, he turned around to the sound of my footsteps. I was now close behind.

Surprise flashed across Logan's face when he saw me. He composed himself easily and nodded. "Hey."

I supposed he was going with the friendly route today. "Hi, Logan."

He held the door for me as I exited the building. My flushed cheeks greeted the night air. He followed and stopped by the parking lot to face me. At least he wasn't making his way as fast as he could in the other direction. He wanted to talk to me. Jitters formed in my stomach at the thought.

"You're here late." He sounded worried. His concern sent my pulse scrambling for a steady beat.

"So are you." I smiled. I was getting better at hiding my nerves around him, I thought proudly, patting myself on the back.

He looked me up and down, the concern not leaving his face. The colors on my cheeks deepened a shade as I remembered I probably had highlighter ink on my nose and looked like a mess after the long day. He, on the other hand, looked like a page ripped out of GQ magazine. Instinctively, I wet my lips as I watched the breeze blow gently across his hair.

"Did you even eat yet? It's not like you to skip meals." He inspected my face. He did know me very well after all.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and shrugged. "Um, I just had a lot of work to do. I have a few papers due on Wednesday. They were due today, but Peter gave me an extension." I realized I wasn't answering his question. "I had a big lunch, though. I was just going to grab a bite." I gestured to a vague direction. I was clearly only slightly better at hiding my nerves.

My eyes were fixed on his as I saw him struggle with some incomprehensible emotions. "I'm sorry you have so much to do because of me, Ace." His lips were in a firm line. After a pause, he added. "How 'bout I treat you to dinner to make it up?"

After last night, his suggestion caught me off guard. Nevertheless, my heart twirled as the voice in my head shouted. Say yes! I refused to let it show. "You know I'm really picky about the junk food that goes into my system."

"I have a great place in mind." Logan's lips curled into a smile that lit his eyes. It was the first real smile I'd seen since the conference. I admitted to myself how much I missed it as my face couldn't help but lift to match his.

* * *

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	14. Chapter Thirteen: Kiss me

❤ Chapter Thirteen ❤

Together, we left the parking lot and walked down the nearest street, weaving amongst the crowd. Logan's smile proved to be a rare sight as he kept his distance the entire way. Though the busy atmosphere made it difficult for conversations, we attempted at some chitchat.

"How was your day?" Logan asked.

"It was okay. How about yours?"

"Just the usual."

"Hm."

Small talk. That was what it came to. I supposed I shouldn't expect anything else after meeting an ex after three years, attending a conference as his assistant, and watching him read a message from a possible girlfriend. I reminded myself what Logan said about his relationship status just days ago, but from the way he responded to the name, it was obvious. From that sight on, I was expelled from my dream world where every rose possessed vivid colors of a setting sun. Instead, thorns around every stem pierced my view, with a sharpness that brought gushing pain from a simple look.

Logan and I walked down a few blocks. To our right, rows of trees wearing twinkling blue lights on their outreached arms stood in a line. As we passed numerous couples holding hands and groups of friends laughing amongst themselves, uneasiness washed over me in waves. Though my heart was thrilled to be next to him, I hated it for being fickle and weak. I hated him for showing any sign of concern back at the parking lot. Though he was detached just as two days ago, the tiny glimmer of care I saw in his eyes was enough to wake the beast inside me who hoped for something more. What I hoped for, I wasn't sure. But I hated that I hoped for anything at all. Part of me was happy for our time together while part of me was spiteful he couldn't stick to his decision. On Saturday, he was counting down the minutes 'till he left and never saw me again, yet today he was leading me to a restaurant to talk over drinks and dessert? With each step, my conflicting feelings disturbed me, along with the mysterious name. He wasn't playing fair, tugging at the corners of my heart with his every move. Though I admit I was a puddle of nerves whenever I was around him, I was never one to be led by the nose. It just wasn't in my blood. Frustration rumbled in my stomach just as Logan asked.

"How are the articles coming along?"

"Fine enough." My tone was curt without meaning to be.

It caught Logan's attention. He was attuned to my emotions like many years ago. From my peripheral, I saw his head turn to me while I focused on the road. "Something sure doesn't sound fine."

"What makes you think you know me so well?" I tried to hide my discontent.

"Wow, okay, so something's really wrong." He dodged the bench by the sidewalk, slightly leaning into me.

My shoulders tensed. "Actually, I wanted to thank you for asking Peter to extend my deadline." I tried for politeness to sway the direction where this was going. "So, thank you very much."

"You're extremely cordial tonight." He stared at my profile.

Frowning, I picked up my pace. "You're extremely observant as always."

Easily matching my speed, he said. "And I observe something's wrong."

"No, Logan. It's just…"

"It's just?"

My brows tightened. Why did he have to care? Pulling together all the courage in me, I blurted out. "I don't know what this is or what you're thinking. I can't figure you out. I dislike not knowing. I like to know things no matter how mundane they are. The Big Dipper consists of seven stars. Green folders equal interviews. A JooJoo's entrée comes with exactly twenty-eight fries."

"I'm impressed at your ability to count salted, fried vegetables."

"You're not taking me seriously." Scowling, my footsteps halted at the light.

Logan stopped beside me and sighed as he lowered his head. "Look, Ace, I don't know what this is neither."

"On Saturday, I thought you wanted to draw a line between us." I gestured between us and finally looked at him, wanting to catch his expression. "So, as you can imagine, I'm a bit confused about this."

More people piled behind us, waiting for the light to change color. A sea of bodies surrounded me, but my vision was solely on Logan.

"I realized something that day." My heart flopped at his tone. He lowered his voice until it was barely audible above the street noise. "I think it's best for there to be a line between us."

At his words, sharp razors slit through my chest as I used every ounce of control to remain expressionless. "Okay, so why did you offer to treat me to dinner?"

"It doesn't mean we can't hang out as friends." He forced a smile while everyone around us starting crossing the street. We followed suit with the crowd pushing us closer together. My arm brushed against his and my heart rate peaked.

I wet my lips uncomfortably and looked up at him. "Friends?"

"Yeah, people do that you know. Make friends."

"Right." I couldn't stand his nonchalance but my eyes remained glued to him as I kept my pace.

A big, sturdy block of flesh hit me. Misfortunely, its owner's musky scent wafted into my nose just as Logan put his arm around my back. I was a pesky fly to the tower that was the man as he continued in his path without even a grunt.

"Thanks." I muttered and steadied myself as Logan withdrew his arm. A burn scorched down my back where he touched me.

"He didn't even apologize." Logan scorned at the direction the man disappeared off to.

"It's okay, it was my fault." My cheeks ignited into flames.

"Are you okay?"

There it was again, the concern. How I despised it. I shoved the butterflies in my stomach against the walls. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Trying hard to ignore my abnormal heartbeat, I followed Logan down the sidewalk with a row of windows to our left. The frown permanently resided on Logan's face until we stopped by a small place a block away. Basking in the warm lights, he instantly looked to be in a better mood.

"This is it, Ace." Logan waved with a smile.

I examined the pub in front of us. Wood frames stuck out from the store front to create a canopy over the metal tables and chairs on the patio. The seats were filled with people roaring slurred words and hoarse laughter. My eyes automatically landed on the plates of burgers in front of them as my stomach churned. I looked at the entrance and saw a dark, metal archway with a wooden plaque that dangled with metal chains from the top. On it were the words "The Lion's Den" in black, rickety writing. Behind the doorway, red lights showered down from the ceiling, creating an atmosphere of carnal vivacity. Music came from inside, the beat bringing my pulse up a notch. As my spirit embodied the dynamic ambiance, cravings and adrenaline took over my body.

"Come on." Logan led me towards the doorway with a grin. Feeling excited under the music's influence, I smiled back and followed his lead, my stomach getting ready for some grease and carbs.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

An enthusiastic hostess dressed in a skin-tight leather dress bounded towards us as Logan and I walked through the door.

"For two?" She batted her glittery lashes at the man beside me.

"Yes, we would like a booth in the back please." Logan gave her a charming smile.

Consequently, the girl's limbs melted into a pool at her feet. The menus previously clenched in her hands were now dangling for dear life. I was honestly thankful for her obvious display as it assured me I wasn't imagining the powers of Logan's smile. I sympathized with the girl.

She led us through the busy pub, with bars and tables in dark black and mahogany oriented around a small stage. A band with a male singer in a plain T-shirt and pair of jeans was riling up the crowd on the dance floor. As we moved towards the back, entering a separate space, the music grew softer and conversational noise filled the air. The pub was a lot bigger than the store front let on. Finally, we arrived at our booth with black leather seats and a dark wood table. Logan and I slid into the opposite sides.

The girl passed us our menus and asked. "Would you like something to drink?" She looked towards me.

"A club soda, please." My answer came out automatically. So, I wasn't exactly a risk-taker when it came to drinks.

The girl gave me a smile and turned to Logan. "And for you, sir?" Her voice was a baby's coo.

Logan threw at her his signature smile. "Macallan neat for me, please. And a martini with a twist for the lady."

Oh, I should have expected it, I thought as the girl walked away with a final look flashed Logan's way.

"Thanks for the drink. You didn't have to."

"You're welcome." Logan nodded. "You look like you needed one."

I grimaced. Great, I was definitely right about me looking like a mess. Reaching for the menu placed in the middle of the table, I asked. "How did you find this place?"

"Finn, Colin and I came here a few times when we visited a year ago."

"You were here a year ago?"

"Yeah. We came here for a week. Sort of missed the old streets of New York. Sirens blaring, brakes grinding on the concrete, seas of yellow taxis in traffic and all that jazz." A smile split his face

"Very understandable. What's not to love?" I snickered as I thought of when I just moved here. I remembered the intrigue of feeling the subway trembling underneath my feet and the pool of faces all around me no matter which corner I looked. It was sensory overload, a welcomed distraction that went well with the fast paced life.

"I assume you moved here a year ago?" Logan cocked his head slightly.

"How did you know?" I didn't remember telling him that fact.

"My brilliant mind of deduction." The too-familiar smirk touched his lips. "I saw your article for the Obama campaign, which lasted two years."

"I see you've put your Yale degree to good use." My lips rounded as I couldn't help but feel my heart lift knowing he read my articles.

A server placed our drinks on our table, interrupting our gaze. After murmuring a soft "thank you", I didn't waste any time reaching for the glass. Sitting across from Logan with his caramel eyes fixed on mine made me beg for a sip. He was right about me needing a drink after all, albeit for a different reason.

"Any recommendations from the menu?" I asked as I opened the laminated red and black pamphlet before me.

Instead of looking at his menu, Logan set it aside. "Are you feeling adventurous?"

"Are we talking about Mr. Life and Death Brigade jumping out of a moving plane adventurous?"

He chuckled. "More like the time you tried Sri Lankan food adventurous. But, hey, we can do the jumping stunt right after too. The night view will be amazing."

Sri Lankan food. Memories of our dinner years ago came to my mind. I remembered how I tried to make him stay the night, despite his early meeting the next day. I found his glimmering eyes irresistible under the dim moonlight as he sat beside me in the car. My teeth tucked at my bottom lip. "I think some greasy pub food would do for today. Not sure I would be able to keep the food down free-falling at a hundred miles per hour."

"That's what I thought." He gave a boyish grin. "I was thinking we can try the Chef's Special."

"Which includes?" I glanced at the title on the menu. It didn't offer any information beyond the name.

"Well, for the lack of a better explanation, it's basically whatever the chef feels like cooking that day. The few times I've dined here, I've had escargot to Pad Thai."

"That's an impressive cultural range."

"So, you up for some questionable, mystery meat, Ace?" Logan leaned into the table and grinned.

Just then, a server came over asking if we were ready to order. I gave Logan a nod, letting him know my answer. He looked up at the young man and ordered two Chef's Specials. Before the server left, I quickly added. "With extra fries on the side, please." Logan gave a knowing smirk.

After our menus were collected, Logan teased. "Wow, extra fries. It must have been a really long day."

I grimaced. "You have no idea how long it takes to research the regulation and violation of pets on leashes in New York parks."

"Ah, somebody has to speak up for our canine friends."

"Well, yes. Though it's not a presidential campaign, I do like covering a wide range of topics for the City Gazette."

Logan leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. He examined me. I felt self-conscious of the wayward strands of hair that were probably sticking out of my ponytail. "Peter only gave you an extension until Wednesday? I told him I would appreciate it if he could let you decide on the pace."

"No, Logan. It's fine. I'll be done by Wednesday. It's already a huge step for him to give an extension at all." Certainly, no other figure at the City Gazette could have convinced Peter of such a generous act.

"Are you sure? I could ask him again." The space between his brows wrinkled.

An warmth filled my chest at his display of concern. I inwardly cringed. "Yes, I'm sure. Thanks again for asking for the extension."

He watched me for a second, his lips pursed. Then, he gave a tight smile. "That's what friends are for." He raised his scotch and drank with his eyes on me.

The intensity of his gaze ignited a fire in my body as the word "friends" hung in the air between us. I quickly grabbed my drink and took a gulp. The burn traveled down my throat, joining the fire pit in my stomach. A question lingered in my mind, struggling to break loose on my lips. I knew I had to ask even if it meant changing the direction of this dinner. An undeniable tension sat in the air as the other night was fresh in my mind. It wasn't broken by any of our conversations, no matter how easy they were. I couldn't just pretend we were old friends, with nothing heavy from our past. Feeling the burn of gin in my stomach, I mustered a light tone. "Logan, shouldn't we address the fat elephant in the room before we claim to be best buds?"

"What are you talking about, Ace?" His eyes were hooded. He was going to avoid the conversation at all cost. I had a feeling it was so he didn't lose his temper.

My throat contracted, swallowing my nerves. "What happened at my graduation?"

"What's there to talk about?" I watched as another gulp of scotch went down his throat. "I proposed to you and you turned it down." His body was stiff.

"Logan… I'm sorry about how it happened. I should have explained further, better. There was just so much left unsaid." He continued to drink silently. I added in a bare whisper. "You know I loved you."

For a slight second, Logan stopped in the middle of his sip. Then, he lowered his arm. "Just not enough." He pursed his lips and shook his head a little while placing the glass on the table.

My brows furrowed. "It's not that. It was the timing, the place you chose to propose. It was horrifying. You know how much I disliked those parties and being the center of attention, especially in front of all my grandparents' friends who I didn't even know."

I held my breath, afraid another fight would break out, but my throat relaxed as I saw the fire slowly die in Logan's eyes. He murmured. "I know I screwed up, I'm sorry. It took me a while to realize it, but once I got past the humiliation and hurt, I realized I was at fault for springing it on you in front of a crowd."

His apology deepened the ache in my heart. "I feel like there wasn't any closure between us…then, you just left. I couldn't even reach you."

"I'm so sorry, Rory." Logan's face softened as he leaned towards me. "Believe me, I realized how big of an idiot I was. I thought you didn't love me enough and didn't want to marry me. I was caught up in my pride and anger. I thought you would move on and find a great guy." He paused. "And, well, you did."

I stared at him, words failing to come to me.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you." He quickly added with a smile.

I muttered the first words I could think of. "I just don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, although I know that's a ridiculous thing to ask for after everything."

His expression was pained as he spoke. "Rory, I blamed myself for everything. I was never truly mad at you. It was all to not hate myself more than I already did. I made the biggest mistake and I know that." He pursed his lips. "I can't tell you how many times I regretted what I did and how I handled things." He stopped, his eyes darkening before mine. "But, like I said earlier, I realized yesterday that there's no going back. Too much has happened. I'm not the same person anymore and couldn't give you anything even if you were single."

My breath hitched in my throat. His words sucked all the air out of my lungs, but with time, I managed to sound unfazed. "What do you mean? That last part. Care to elaborate?"

"A lot happened over the past years. Initially, I was so mad and tried everything I knew to get over you. I'm not proud of some of the things I did, but they happened." His face didn't carry any clues to elucidate his explanation.

I found myself nervously downing my drink. Why would he say that? Did it have to do with Amelia? Should I press on? I chickened out and played it safe, relatively. "So, you suggest we be friends?" I deadpanned.

"Well, it's either we be friends or strangers and I would rather be able to see you and talk to you once in a while." His previously serious expression shifted. His charm was in full display as a small curve kissed his lips. "So, it's either best buds or not seeing each other at all." He leaned back into his seat with an easy smile flashed my way.

"But, so much has happened between us and-"

"Are you saying you rather not see me?" He quipped, raising an eyebrow.

I shifted in my seat, knowing he was a pro at this sort of debate from past experiences. "No."

"Okay, so it's settled then, we're friends." He cocked his head to a side.

The way he was playing with my words was all too familiar. I wasn't giving in without a fight. "It's that easy, huh?" I chortled.

"It's that easy." He nodded with an amused smirk and crossed his arms. "So, give me your number and enjoy your meal as my friend."

I scoffed. "You're a bossy friend, I see."

He broke into a grin, his eyes glimmering in the light. Reaching into the inside of his suit, Logan pulled out a card and pen. He wrote down something on the back and slid it across the table.

I picked it up and saw, what I assumed to be, his number and address scrawled on the white card. I looked up and was met with his expectant face. I sighed, knowing he had beaten me in his game of twisted words once again. I didn't know how I felt about his insistence of being friends, but I couldn't possibly explain to him that I was unsure of his suggestion because my heart jumped out of my chest whenever I saw him. That, I was certain, was not in the definition of "just friends". If I wanted to keep any shred of sanity, I had to stay away, but against my better judgement, my hand extended for his pen. "I have to warn you, I don't have a fancy card like yours."

Logan's smile spread further across his face, lighting his eyes. He handed me another card and I scribbled down my information. Once I was done, he took it from me and tucked it safely into his pocket, his eyes watching me.

I held his card in my fingers and stared down at it. His writing was the same, messy in a professional way. However, the number and address were as alien as the idea of being just friends with the man sitting across from me, after everything we had been through.

Probably sensing my doubt, Logan persuaded again, more gently. "Ace, I wasn't lying when I said it was good seeing u again. I want to be part of your life even if it's on the side, watching someone else give you happiness." Then, he added in a lighter tone. "Ergo, I want us to be friends." I lifted my head and saw a light dimple kiss his cheek as his lips curled into a closed mouth smile.

Allowing happiness from someone else. I couldn't help but feel that he was willing me to do the same for him. Maybe a certain Amelia was giving him happiness, the thought flicked through my mind. I wasn't in any position to be jealous even if he was in a relationship. I was in a relationship myself. Stable and loving, nevertheless. I had Sam and I loved him, my conscious reminded me. Holding onto Logan's gaze, I carefully arranged the muscles on my cheeks into a smile, matching his.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"Thank you." I nodded as the waitress removed my empty plate. With a burger holding some chewy, mystery meat and plateful of fries in my stomach, I sat back with content and looked at the gorgeous view in front of me. Logan, my ex turned "friend", smiled back. The buzz in my head from the three martinis I had relaxed me.

With curvy lips, he watched me from across the table

"What?" I raised my voice above the music that now ringed in my ears louder than pre-martinis.

"Since we are such good friends and all, what do you say we play a game?"

"Depends if it involves prizes with glittery stickers and chocolate pudding dessert."

His eyes twinkled under the soft lighting as he smiled with his lips pressed together. "Considering Finn was the one who invented it, I can't make any guarantees, but maybe he'll agree to the stickers."

"Finn invented it?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"Yup, he was drinking while playing it, so he calls it 'the drinking game'."

"Creativity at its best." I nodded. "So, does this drinking game have rules, or do you just drink, as presumed by the name?"

"You'd think it's that simple, but it's got complex rules, where the complete mastery of the game requires tact and audacity." He leaned into the table.

Drawn to him by an invisible force, I placed my elbows on the table and sat closer. "You can't judge a game by its title, they say." I grinned.

"We take turns asking each other questions-"

"Like twenty-one questions."

He raised both eyebrows and nodded. "Yes, but the other person has to answer the truth-"

"Oh, so like truth-or-dare."

"Yes, but if one refuses to answer, the person who asked the question has to drink."

"That doesn't make sense for the questioner to drink just because the questionee won't answer." I mused, certain the alcohol hadn't clouded my thought process just yet. "Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Ah, that's the beauty of the game. It's psychological. You have to think about your questions."

"Why can't we just play the normal way where the questionee drinks if he or she can't answer?" I challenged.

"Because we're better than that, Ace. Normal's boring. Normal's overrated." Logan grinned as his eyes locked with mine.

I struggled not to gasp as I remembered the rest of his sentence. _Normal's not why you love me._We were both thinking it. It was evident in the silence between us, filled by the music coming from the stage. I was pretty sure the tension between us bordered on the fine lines enclosing the concept of "just friends".

Nervously, I cleared my throat. "Are you going to explain the tact and audacity part? Because it's a bit hazy."

Logan sat up and shifted his weight to the back of the seat. "Basically, you have to calculate the question you ask and the way you phrase it, such that you get a response that's informative to you, but is also considered safe to answer by the questionee."

"Hm." I could think of a hundred questions right off the bat. Though, I wasn't confident they were questions one would ask a platonic friend. "So, if you get the other to chug more shots, do you win or lose?"

"There are no winners or losers in Finn's 'the drinking game'."

I snickered. "Well, there certainly aren't any winners."

Logan gave a flippant grin. "You in or out, Ace?"

When gin circling through my bloodstream, I looked at him with my chin raised high. "Bring it on, Mister."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I counted the glasses in front of us. Six. One for every year Logan and I had known each other. I never considered my alcohol tolerance to be that great and worried about what I had gotten myself into. I licked my lips nervously.

"Don't worry, Ace. I'm an open book." Logan offered.

"And I'm a frigging encyclopedia." I frowned. "What do you, Colin and Finn have to ask each other about anyway?"

"Sorry, can't disclose that without their permissions." He grinned with mirth.

I was now suspicious of his motives. He eyed me expectantly, a smile never leaving his face. I rolled my eyes and picked up the shot glass. Holding my breath, I downed the liquid and felt the burn journey through my throat and into my stomach. My eyes glared into his, letting him know I meant business. "Your turn, Mister."

He thought for a while and asked. "How did you find the conference on Saturday?"

"I enjoyed it a lot, if you mean the day portion of it." He did say we had to tell the complete truth. Besides, the drinks I consumed might have loosened my lips a tad. I noted he was starting with easy questions and followed suit. "What's the best part about New York since you moved here?" There, a generic question.

Logan looked me in the eyes as his smile faded. "Sorry, Ace. Strike two."

"What?" I pouted. "Why can't you answer tha-" I stopped my protest as I stared into his eyes. Something told me he was serious. Bells went off in my head, echoing off my skull. Could it be me? My heartbeat loudened against my ears as I reached for another glass. This time, it didn't burn. My body was already scorching.

Logan leaned forward in his seat, eyes boring into mine. A faint frown tainted his features. I swallowed, preparing for his question. "Since we are such good friends and all, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Are you going to keep throwing that phrase around?"

"Maybe."

"How personal is personal?"

"Very."

Feeling the effect of the two shots I downed hit my brain cells, I said. "Let's hear it."

"On a scale of one to ten, how happy are you with Sam?" Each word slipped off his tongue with care.

A dizzying force plummeted through me. I guess I should have drunk more before challenging him to his question. I tried to think about the answer, but my brain was swimming around in alcohol mixed with cerebral fluids. I stuttered. "Uh."

What was I suppose to say? Sam was sweet and considerate. We loved each other. He always made my day a bit brighter, no matter how horrible of a time I was having. He made me happy. Would that make the score a ten? But, the question was how happy was I _with_ him. Where was the threshold for a satisfied relationship and what was the maximum for how happy you could be? I said. "How happy one would rate oneself in a relationship on a scale is very subjective, don't you think?"

"True, but I want to hear your answer."

I bit my lip as I looked into his eyes. Suddenly, I didn't want to tell him my answer, nor did I want to know it for myself. "No, I don't believe I want to answer your question." My breathing was ragged as I saw his eyes twitch the slightest bit.

Logan grabbed a shot in front of him, and drank with his eyes never leaving mine. His jaws were tightened and his gaze hard. I continued to sit there with uneven breaths as my eyes were locked with his. No, just because I didn't answer him didn't mean anything. I wasn't able to contemplate such a deep question in my alcohol-induced state. It wouldn't be fair to Sam. It wouldn't be fair to me. It didn't mean anything about what my answer would have been. His eyes told me otherwise.

The sudden seriousness in his question threw me off and irritated me. Two can play at that game, I scowled. With a flame sparking in me, I asked my next question. "I was wondering who the _Amelia _who texted you the other night and made you all tense and jumpy could be." My words were acidic, but I had enough shots in me to not care.

Logan's eyes widened briefly, before he composed himself. He propped his elbows on the table and appeared unfazed. However, I knew him better than that. I saw the way his shoulders tensed. He said. "A good friend from Cali. We talk once in a while."

Goosebumps broke through my skin as my pulse quickened. Crap. Even with the martinis and shots, I couldn't control the nerves his intensity brought me. "Okay. It's nice to have friends." I muttered awkwardly. I didn't know if I trusted that he told the full story.

A ringtone filled the air, marking an end to our glares. Logan reached into his pocket and took a look at his phone. I watched as his jaws clenched slightly. His eyes darted to me before he answered.

"Hey." His tone was soft, while masked by a hardness at the same time. "Is everything okay?"

I looked down at my knotted fingers placed on the table, feeling like I was eavesdropping on an intimate conversation.

"Yeah, I'm sort of in the middle of something."

What were the chances that that was Amelia? Heat crept up my neck as I felt foolish for asking my previous question.

"Okay, I'll call you later, all right?" I heard Logan click off his phone.

An incomprehensible emotion took over me as I felt the need to have Logan's fullest attention. To drag his mind away from my question, and from whoever it was on the phone. I raised my head and looked him straight in the eyes. Head swinging, adrenaline and alcohol pulsed through me. I heard my voice in the air, above the music playing in the next room. "Do you want to dance?"

_Holy crap_. The words registered in my brain. My heart clenched as I stared at Logan, feeling my blush deepen. For the second time that night, I caught him by surprise as his eyes widened. He didn't say a single word. Instead, he straightened his suit and stood up. I was frozen in my seat as I watched him walk to my side and extend a hand. A small curve sat on his lips as his eyes shone.

_Oh my god._What have I done?! What was wrong with me?! Seriously, I shouldn't be allowed within feet of this man, yet now, I was about to _dance_ with him. I might just strangle myself for my stupidity. There was no backing out now. I inhaled and nervously reached out to place my hand in his. I braced myself for the contact, but it was no use. The firm touch of his warm, strong fingers wrapped around mine brought chills down my spine. My heart imploded into effervescent waves as the air whooshed right out of my lungs. I got up and walked with his arm around my back in a daze. All I could do was pray that my knees wouldn't give in. His warm proximity melted every cell of my body. The heat radiating off my face could have burned me to ashes right there and then. To make matters worse, I felt unsteady on my feet as the room swirled across my view. My body leaned into his firm grip as he led me towards the music.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After what felt like a tortuous infinity, we arrived on the crowded dance floor. A sweet, slow melody was playing, as couples swayed to the steady beat of the drums. Logan pulled me towards him, until we were inches apart. I let him take full control of the situation as spots danced across the room. Note to self, do not _ever_ play Finn's "The Drinking Game" _ever_ again. As I faced Logan and let him guide our bodies to a slow swing, gradually, my vision somewhat recovered. I saw his mussed blonde hair glowing underneath the lights. His eyes, the color of clear honey, sparkled my way. His lips were curled upwards, exuding a warmth that matched his gaze. We swayed to the music, looking into each other's eyes. With effort, my ears tuned in to the singer's voice surrounding us, smooth and soft.

And your heart's against my chest,

Your lips pressed to my neck.

I'm falling for your eyes,

But they don't know me yet.

And with a feeling I'll forget,

I'm in love now.

My eyes savored the view in front of me that was my first true love. This was the closest I'd been to him since our years apart. Every characteristic of his face was exactly as I remembered. The curve of his cheekbones, the tip of his nose, I could remember them all. I had traced them with my fingertips as we lay in his apartment, on many Saturday nights. I had kissed the stubble on his chin, indent on the corner of his lips, and nuzzled the crevice on his neck, cradling his scent. Images, so vivid and dangerous, flooded my dizzy mind. Logan Huntzberger and alcohol. The most lethal combination of all.

This feels like falling in love.

Falling in love.

We're falling in love.

The melody boomed against my eardrums, the voice silky with affection. I knew I was leaning heavily against Logan's arms, but my feet just wouldn't stand firm. This was dangerous. But I couldn't stop studying him, couldn't stop relishing the feel of his hand on the small of my back, his chest inches from my body, and my arms around his neck. We didn't say a thing, not wanting to break the trance. Any word could startle us out of our gaze, and back to reality, where we kept our distance, hid secrets and remembered pain. Though the room was spinning, I focused, with all my might, on Logan's eyes and the gentle music swaying us around the floor.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved.

You wanna be loved.

You wanna be loved.

This feels like falling in love.

Falling in love.

We're falling in love.

My brain throbbed furiously against my skull as I noticed Logan's eyes crinkle and lips part slightly at the lyrics. There were moves so subtle that I thought I must have imagined them. Feeling his grip gently tighten against my body, I inhaled as my breathing sped up. Watching his face, my unsteady gaze couldn't help but lower to his mouth. Suddenly noticing the dryness of my lips, I licked them swiftly. The thought came to me, abrupt and unwavering. _I just want to know what it would be like._The voice clung on to my eardrums, resounding against every surface. My heart pounded in my head, my blood infused with alcohol running rapidly through my veins. _I just want to know what it would be like._

Kiss me like you wanna be loved.

You wanna be loved.

You wanna be loved.

My head tilted back to look up at Logan. The gentle care in his eyes was my undoing. Boiling blood rushed to my brain, clouding my view. I felt my face lean in, closer and closer, edging towards my goal. His arms stiffened and his body froze, but his lips, those lips, remained inches away. I couldn't hear anymore. I couldn't even think. _Don't think. Just do. _Demons escaped their confinement as my conscious was won over by the expanding, burning veins in my body. My eyes were solely on those lips. Soft and pink. When I was so close that I could smell the familiar scent of his breath, my eyelids closed.

My heart stopped beating, in anticipation of the soft contact.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and please leave a review.**

Because school started, I can't write as often as I use to. Though, I definitely want to continue the story and share it with everyone. Your reviews inspire me and I'm thankful for all the readers! :)

The song is Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. The scene came to me when I was listening to it. Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics.


	15. Chapter Fourteen: I didn't mean it

❤ Chapter Fourteen ❤

**_Logan_**

I told myself to stay away. Yet, it had only been two days and here we danced, Rory's waist in my arms and warmth against my body.

When I saw her in the lobby earlier, the exhaustion on her face and the deep blue wilting in her eyes, all I'd planned went to hell. There she stood, in sweater and jeans, with her hair pulled back and bloodshot eyes. Without a doubt, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. For that second, I didn't control my voice, and now I stood, with her in my arms.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

My life was measured in terms of her - before, during and after. I was a stubborn, lonely case before her, wasting my life away and never knowing real love. Then, she came along, her eyes wide with frustration in that hallway. I loved her when I didn't think I could love anyone. I was happy when I used to think life was a dark, malicious joke. But, I never felt I deserved her. It was a true, hard reality. She was good, pure and beautiful to the bones, while I was a mess, crumbling under my family's control. I tried, with everything I had, to be good for her. But, in the end, I hurt her anyway.

Now, I lived after her. For years, I was an empty shell, returning to a cold, hard bed night after night, while my conscious jabbed at my heart. _If you hadn't screwed up and acted like a damn idiot, she could be next to you._ Loneliness does things to you. It makes you do things others laughed at. It slowly kills any shred of light behind your eyes. This was the joke. It was my fate - to obtain love, touch it, feel it, and then have it brutally ripped away. All that was left was the stinging pain where it once adhered.

Seeing her again, my body came alive. I ached everywhere with regret and anger. Seeing her sad, seeing her happy, seeing her with him, all brought stabs to my heart. I hid it well. I wouldn't be a Huntzberger if I didn't. We excelled at appearing like we've got it all - like we were happy. However, the pain was there every night as I lay in bed, knowing she was in the arms of someone else - someone who wasn't messed up, who didn't live to his father's every demand or bring home a different girl every night, and who could give her the life and love she deserved. Awakened and alive, I was drowning, but it was impossible to go back to that empty shell. Pain, once surfaced, is a permanent ink on your soul, a slab showcasing your past mistakes.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

As I continued to hold Rory so close, my lips curled while I watched the blush creep up her cheeks. She was leaning heavily into my arms such that I worried if I eased my hold, she would crumble to the ground. My lower arm ached faintly under her weight, but I wasn't letting go. Rory Gilmore, the girl of my dreams was in my arms. No way was I letting go. As the music continued, her breathing sped up, the warmth washing over my face. Every bit of control went to ignoring the pulse through my body. Damn, I could drag her off, press her body against my own, and taste her skin quiver against my lips. But the image of Sam putting his arm around her flashed across my mind. She was someone else's. I didn't deserve her.

Her eyes darkened before mine, and my muscles tensed. The flush in her cheeks was gone as she started leaning forward. I stopped breathing, knowing what was to come. I must move away, though the electricity through me forced me in place. Her lips hovered before mine as she closed her eyes. Instead of the hot blood running under my skin, I forced my entire focus on her weight in my arms. It was heavy. Too heavy. The faint smell of vodka, mixed with her unique scent came to me. Though my body throbbed, my focus on her weight and the touch of alcohol across her lips broke the spell. My head turned slightly.

"Rory..."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

**_Rory_**

"Rory…" A voice stopped me as my lips were greeted with cold air.

My eyes fluttered open. Logan's face was turned away as he held me at a length. Flames scorched along my neck and face as I realized what was happening. In that instant, my head was clear. I wanted to die right there and not live another day.

"Rory, I can't." Logan steadied me and lowered his head to look me in the eyes. His jaws were tight, and his eyes a solid brown. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret in the morning."

I blinked twice while my vision blurred. This can't be happening.

"You're not thinking straight. You've had too many." He held onto my arms as he spoke.

At the sight of concern in his eyes, anger rose in me. Why did he always do this? Lure me in, and then push me away? "Just stop, Logan." I broke his grip with a sharp movement. My release brought my body swinging around on my feet. I felt his arm reach for my shoulders to save me from a fall.

"I'm sorry, Rory. Believe me, I'd die to kiss you, but not like this."

Running my hands along my throbbing temple, I hoped to stop the pain. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out his voice. _Please, let this be a nightmare._

Unfortunately, the voice continued to harass my ears. "I can't do this to you. I can't take advantage of you like th-."

"Logan, just stop." I begged. "Please, can we just _go_?" I pushed him away with frail arms and tried to squeeze my way off the dance floor. Sweaty bodies, like waves, pushed against me.

He quickly caught up and grabbed onto my shoulders. Head spinning, I gave into his hold. As angry tears threatened to hit my eyes, I turned my head towards the crowd, looking anywhere but at the man supporting me. I desperately willed the moisture away, wishing to disappear into the ground.

"Let me take you home. I'll get a cab."

"No, just let me go by myself." He ignored my plea and, instead, guided me towards the door.

"No, Rory. That was a statement, not a suggestion. I'm not leaving you until you're safe and sound in your apartment." His voice was firm, almost angry. What did he have to be angry about?! I knew I couldn't argue my case, but pushed uselessly against his grip nevertheless.

We stepped outside as a unit as the freezing air hit my face. Through my blurry view, I noticed numerous cabs lined up by the road, waiting for their drunken victims. We moved towards a yellow vehicle while I tried to shove Logan off of me until he opened a door and folded me into the seat. "Logan…"

"Wait here, I'll be back with your purse." He instructed, with no room for protests in his tone.

Feeling completely pathetic, I shut my eyes and leaned back into the seat, hoping the world would stop spinning. My thoughts were frantic as fears so deep trembled through my body. Lips quivering, I thought of anything comforting to ease my panic. _Please, please let this be a nightmare._ I'll wake up any second, and be in my bed with Sam's arms wrapped around me.

_Sam._ _Oh my god._What have I done? A sob choked me, causing me to swallow to suppress the nauseous waves rolling through my stomach. No, no, no. This was a dream. I'll wake up and I'll call Sam. Maybe he even stayed the night and I'll be in his arms. My stomach turned at the thought that this could be real. _Please don't let this be happening_, each plea escaped through the thumps of my heart. Sam was my rock, the one person I could always look to for comfort. How could I have gotten myself into this? How was I going to face Sam now? How was I going to face myself?

I felt a body squish in beside mine, breaking me from my thoughts. It was warm and solid and, for once, didn't send chills down my spine. I couldn't face either of them ever again. Everything I'd worked for in the past three years was gone. I didn't open my eyes and just sat there. After a voice gave an address, the vehicle moved as my body pressed into the seat. During the entire ride, I sat with my eyes tightly shut. This was a nightmare. I would wake up and it would be over.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"Where are your keys, Rory?" Logan and I stood in front of a dark, wooden door that looked a lot like the one at my place. "Ace?"

My head snapped up at the figure talking to me. The proximity caught me by surprise as I had forgotten I was in his arms. All my energy was expended downstairs at the lobby where I pushed and croaked, pleading Logan to let me go home alone. But, I lost at his insistence of making sure I arrived safely inside. I didn't have the energy to think straight, let alone care, anymore. I just wanted my bed.

"Ace, do you remember where you left your keys?" Logan grabbed my shoulders and held me at arm's length to look me in the eyes. He sounded like he was talking to an errant child. I giggled at the thought while pointing to my front jean pocket.

His brows furrowed as he looked down my legs while I stood, swaying, in his grip. Hearing a sigh leave his lips, my body swung until it was firmly pressed against his side. All the doors in the hallway danced across my view. Before I recovered, the door was opened and I was led inside on wobbly knees. I stared up at Logan's face as he stopped us in the living room. I might as well look at him all I want now, since I was certainly never seeing him ever again. Any morsel of dignity I had was far gone. Therefore, I looked at him with nothing to lose.

Logan looked around the room, and started to shuffle me into the bedroom. With his movement, I realized his body was hard as stone against my limp muscles. Though I swore he seemed mad, I had no idea why. I was the one embarrassed enough to migrate to a cave. He had no reasons.

"What are you doing?" My words slurred into his chest, which tensed under my breath.

"Getting you into bed." A terse response pounded in my brain before I felt my body lower onto a soft landing.

Mm. Pillows. So soft. My eyelids naturally closed while I tucked my hands underneath the pillow as I lay on my side. Fatigue washed over me and my head went blank, absorbing the thumps against my skull. I stayed in that position, coaxing the room to stop spinning, before realizing that Logan was quiet. Too quiet. Did he leave?

"Hm?" Sounds came out my mouth as I tried to lift my head.

"I'm here, Ace." A familiar, silky voice came from behind.

My lips curved as I sank back into the pillow, breathing heavily into the fabric. The voice was a magical sleeping pill, I thought as I listened to my own breaths play a hypnotic melody to the beat of my pounding heart and felt myself relax in the darkness. Slowly, my conscious was drifting away.

Just as I allowed myself to give in to my weariness, a phrase filled the room, and into my ears, triggering my heart to stir in its crate. My eyes refused to open, but my ears perked, soaking in his every word.

"I didn't mean it, Ace."

At his voice, my insides spontaneously tied into knots. No sound came from my lips as my thoughts were muffled by the exhaustion settling into my body. I willed my conscious to stay awake, awaiting his next words. It felt like it was never going to come. I couldn't hold on any longer.

Before my mind sank into a deep sleep, a whisper pulled it back. The sound was smooth, yet pained. "I didn't mean it when I said it was all or nothing. I'd rather have you any way I could. I didn't mean it. I didn't want to lose you."

The words bounced off the walls in my head, stirring a jumble of emotions inside my heart. I needed to get up and write them down. I needed to study them for hours and decipher every syllable. But, no matter how hard I tried, my body was locked in sleep mode. I couldn't open my eyes, or move any parts of my body. Darkness evaded every cell as all thoughts slowly ceased.

Please remember this in the morning. Please do not forget.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Moments are fragile and fleeting. When lost, they are never obtained again. No matter how hard you try to go back to a time and place, to taste the emotions that progressed through your body, the moment can never come back. It's just gone forever, impossible to replicate.

* * *

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	16. Chapter Fifteen: Guilt

❤ Chapter Fifteen ❤

_**Logan**_

After Rory fell asleep, I left her apartment and got in a cab while rampant thoughts ran across my mind.

I shouldn't have made her drink. Though I remembered her having a better tolerance, she looked exhausted and hardly ate today. Damn, how could I not realize it? Seeing her as a lump of flesh on the bed, her chest rising and falling in staccatos, and not being able to do anything about it killed me. I couldn't hold her or run my fingers through her hair and tell her that everything will be okay. All I did was walk out the door, vowing to never bother her again.

I was making the right choice – the safe choice. It was the first time I was resolving to such an option, but, for her, it was neccessary. I couldn't bear hurting her. The first time was different. The first time, I tried so hard to make things work and it was a blinding pain that hit me when I realized I failed. Now, I _knew _she was better off without me. I knew, so, I couldn't risk it. If I did and it came crashing down again, I wouldn't be able to stand it.

So here I was, leaving her. The view went by in blurs through the window until a red and white neon sign caught my eyes at the stop light. TooToo Convenient Store. I thought of how she would chuckle at the name. Knowing her, she would need ten cups of coffee for the headache in the morning.

"Sir, could you stop here?"

Water was what she needed, but, of course, I would throw in some coffee as well.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I guessed all the coffee this place sold would be cheap and old, but it was the only store open at this hour. I grabbed every brand my eyes fell upon and made my way to the check-out counter where I added three two-liter bottles of water to the pile. She most likely wouldn't touch them, but it was worth a shot.

"Duude, that's a lot of coffee," said the man with unkempt hair sitting behind the counter. No doubt, she would think he was related to Shaggy.

I pulled out my wallet and waited as he dragged himself off the stool and slumped towards the cash register.

"Your total comes to twenty-one, eighty-two." He leaned over the counter and added while nodding towards a pile of mugs. "Would you like to add a TooToo Convenient mug for two dollars?"

I looked at the cartoon bear in a skirt on the white mug while an image of Rory drinking coffee from it crossed my mind. "Sure."

He flicked his hair out of his eyes. "Duude, that's dope."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Staring down the hall, I stood outside her door with the paper bag in my arms. There were no security features in the building. What the hell was Sam thinking letting her live here by herself? Wait, what the hell was _I _thinking? I'd said I would stay away, yet, less than an hour later, I came bearing gifts.

Debating between whether I should leave or place the purchases by the door, I continued to stand there gripping the bag. It dawned on me. I was a pathetic loser outside a girl's door at twelve in the morning, with a bag holding a mug of a dancing bear in my arms. If the twenty-year-old me saw myself now, he would shove my head in the toilet and beat the shit out of me. This girl really had unimaginable powers, but, then, that was something I already knew since the day we met.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

When I got home that night, I dialed Amelia's number as I stepped into my apartment. After several rings, her sharp voice entered my ear.

"It's a miracle you called like you said you would."

"Quit exaggerating." Loosening my tie, I walked into the kitchen to grab a beer.

"Who knows how much of your attention I get, now that you've reunited with the love of your life."

My arm stopped mid-air, raising the bottle in front of my chest. Only she was bold enough to jab at my ego. Instead of a comeback, I let it slip. "How was the appointment?"

"The doctor says his condition is stable for now." I relaxed and sat down at the table. She added. "I'd hope so since he's been in the hospital for a week."

"Nia… It'll be alright." I said. "How's Grace holding up?"

A sigh came through. "After that trip to the hospital, Mother is back to worrying about whether or not the hot yoga instructor would be at a given session and which rich suitor she shall marry me off to."

I chuckled. "Sounds like she's dealing with it well."

"Seriously, Logan." Irritation ran deep in her voice. "My father just had a heart attack and she's there picking out perfume bottles as her summer scent. I don't know how he lived with her for years."

I knew the feeling too well. "Trust me, there are greater mysteries." I pictured Amelia pouting into the phone, her brown eyes frustrated and wide.

"Being the bigger person I am, I'll be gracefully ignoring her."

"It never came to my mind to use the word 'big' to describe you." I thought of the shirts that would hang off her thin frame.

"Digging at a lady's weight is the number one sin." She reminded me as many times before. "Anyway, I'm planning to visit tomorrow with some home-cooked food that wasn't made by maids."

"I don't know if anyone in a hospital should be eating your food."

"Hey, you liked my omelets."

"Yes…Aside from the egg shells I had to keenly pick out, I did, in fact, enjoy them."

"See, he'll be fine. I remembered how awful the hospital food was when I was there."

My chest constricted. Before me, I saw Amelia sitting in bed with tears in her eyes, looking like a ghost, so pale and broken - like she lost everything. The guilt crippled me.

"Logan… I didn't mean to bring it up."

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Amelia." No matter how many times I said it, I couldn't say it enough.

"Please stop apologizing. It was a long time ago and what happened wasn't your fault."

There was silence, because we both knew it was. It was my fault.

"You know I already forgave you. In fact, there was nothing to forgive. You made it clear from day one and I was the one who crossed the line."

"Don't say that." I couldn't take back what happened, but I would make it up to her. I couldn't love her, I had known all along, but I did care for her. It wasn't enough to prevent the outcome, but, in a way, it was love. "I still feel like shit about it."

"I know that, Logan…" Her voice was soft. "But, you shouldn't. You're not a bad person because of it. We all have regrets. "

She understood me. She forgave me, when any other woman wouldn't have, but, hell, I never forgave myself. I killed what meant the most to her. But, more than anything, it hurt me that, from when I held onto Amelia's hand by the bed with her pleading cries in my ears, I knew I could never deserve Rory again. I didn't trust myself to give someone else happiness, even if it was the one person I loved.

"Please, tell me you made some progress with Rory..."

"Nia…" Only she could be so selfless. It made me hate myself even more.

"Logan, no matter what happened between us, we're friends." She said. "As a friend, I'm telling you that you need to put it behind you and not be afraid."

My head lowered into my hand as I rubbed at the stinging pain. It was damn laughable that I was being comforted by a girl almost half my size. I had played life and love like it was a game. And from the day of my failed proposal, I'd lost.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Beep. Beep. Beep. Shutting off the alarm, I sat up. It was a routine. Everyday, I got up at six and went for a run to clear my head. It allowed me to think and helped me with the cases at work. But, these past weeks, my thoughts became focused on one person. It was just one of the changes she caused in my life - a change I'd accepted.

Entering the bathroom, the lights flicked on. I performed my morning routine of shaving and moved on to brushing my teeth. Rummaging through the top drawer for a new toothpaste, my eyes stopped at the silver jewelry peaking through the junk.

I needed to get rid of it, but it didn't feel right.

It belonged with the person it was meant for, though that was never going to happen. My eyes stayed on the object for a few more seconds, remembering Rory's hand in mine as we sat at the green velvet table on countless Thursday nights. Then, my time was up. As before, I grabbed what I needed and shut the drawer.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The track by the school was where I ran. It was better than running past people, buildings and cars. On a track, everything was still. No matter how much you ran, you came back to the same spot – just like the thoughts racing through my mind, pointless.

After living in Palo Alto for years, the rare sight of trees in New York felt strange. I almost missed the hikes and weekend trips to the beach. Running on the beach was calming. Instead of my thoughts, I ran to the beat of the waves washing ashore. It was something easier for me to handle. Here, with concrete beneath my feet, I was alone with my thoughts with no accompaniments of any sort. Loneliness was a scary thing.

When I past the broken wires on the fence a third time, my mind drifted to last night. Instead of the anger that flashed in her eyes when I pulled away from the kiss, my focus was on something else. I remembered the photo I'd seen in her apartment last night. I saw her carefree smile and the sun rays highlighting her hair. The blue in her eyes matched the water in the background far away. He was beside her, with his cheek against hers, wearing a matching grin. I wanted to punch the damn smile off his face. The picture infuriated me. It flaunted everything I didn't have. Everything I could have had, but given up. It stood in the corner of her living room, in a place so easy to spot. It had caught my eyes, right when I walked into her apartment, and continued to taunt me as I was leaving. I had walked over to the table and examined it. _This would have been yours._

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket causing me to slow down to a stop. On the screen was Finn's name.

"Hey man, what's up?"

"Logan! How are you?" The mixed British and Australian accent weaved through his words.

"Still kicking."

"How's the big gig treating you? Scuttlebutt is you've met someone."

I let out a slight chuckle. "And where did you hear that?"

"That girl of yours back home's got a thin face and a gigantic mouth - Ow." A muffled voice was in the background.

"Ah, that one." He was no doubt referring to Amelia. "You okay, man?"

"Brilliant, my friend." He said. "Oh, well, if you've met someone new, I can take care of the old." More sounds erupted on the other end.

"Be my guest." A grin crossed my face as I moved towards the bleachers. Amelia's auburn curls suited Finn's taste, though since I'd introduced her to Colin and Finn, all she did with them was bicker.

He cleared his throat. "In all seriousness, how are things with you and Rory?"

I cocked an eyebrow. It wasn't like Finn to pry. "Not so great."

"I can get on the next plane and convince her myself."

Grabbing my water bottle, I took a slow gulp. "When it comes to that, Finn, I promise to give you a call."

"Okay, cool – What?!" Chaos ensued at the end of the line. I heard a sharp voice amongst the grumbles. Eventually, Finn said with a dry tone. "Logan, you should give yourself another chance with Rory. Love is grand. Love is magical. Like a fart after you've had too many beans, you seek reliev – Ow. Will you stop doing that?!"

"Finn, I hear you're busy." It was now obvious what was going on. Over the years, Amelia became good friends with Colin and Finn as we would all get together whenever they visited California. This weekend, Colin and Finn were there for a party. I wasn't surprised that Amelia and them met up, though I couldn't believe she was trying to get Finn to intervene regarding my progress with Rory.

"I'm going to hang up now because I bruise like a peach." He said wryly, no doubt, to the girl harassing him. "They aren't genes I'm proud of."

I chuckled and shook my head. She could be a fierce one regardless of her looks. "It was nice talking to you, buddy."

"You coming to the party, right?" Colin's voice boomed in my ear.

"Yes, of course. How could I forget?" Shit, I had forgotten about the party next weekend. I reminded myself to tell Shannon to pen it down.

"Awesom-" Before Colin finished, a beep came through.

"Hey, man. I have a call waiting. Hold on."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

When the call transfered, my boss' voice came through, strong and confident. The tone of a business man was all too familiar.

"Hey, Logan. How are you?"

As always, I put up my own show. "Great. How's it going, Fred?"

"Things are definitely looking up."

"That's good to hear." A smile plastered on my face. It helped with emulating his tone.

"I'm calling with some great news." He was casting the line and waiting for the fish to get hooked. When you were in the business for long enough, things became predictable, and quick.

"Ah, and what might that be?"

"That position you wanted with the online marketing department?" He threw extra baits into the water.

"Yes, I remember that one."

It was months ago when I interviewed for the head position of the team at El Palo Express. It was the biggest fish in the water. For someone like me, I just had to have it. After some undecisiveness from their end, I accepted the collaboration in New York instead. It just might have been the best and worst decision of my life.

"Logan." Fred paused for effect, like he was almost tasting the fish on his tongue. "You did it. They want you to start next Monday."

"They're relocating to the East?" I was genuinely bemused.

"No, it's still in Silicon Valley." His tone let me know it was a shitty question. "Pack your bags, you're entering the big leagues." A hearty laugh roared in my ear.

Shit. The big leagues - it was true. People with decades of experience slaved for this position and it was now being handed to me on a silver platter. Hell, I'd be a fool to turn it down. Silicon Valley, back in California - where she didn't exist in my life. Back where I didn't run into her in elevators, or danced with her in my arms.

My heart was torn. Remembering the hurt in her eyes as we sat by the playground, her waist in Sam's arms from across the table and, finally, that photograph in a spotless, silver frame, I made my decision. It was the same one as the day at the hospital where I clung to Amelia's pale, cold hands, and the same one as last night. This was my chance to make it final - I had to let her go.

Staring at the school ground across the track field, I watched as kids held onto their parents' hands and crossed the road. My heartbeat dulled. _If I chose this, there was no going back. _This phone call was what I needed - a tell-tale sign. All my worst fears were confirmed by this one phone call.

I didn't deserve her. I shouldn't be near her. We just weren't meant to be.

* * *

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Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites. I really, truly appreciate them!


	17. Chapter Sixteen: My Good Luck Charm

❤ Chapter Sixteen ❤

Four days. It had been four days since Monday night. That night, when I danced with Logan. That night, when he said those words. I had wanted them memorized, yet I was now too afraid to recall them. Because it was also that night, when we almost kissed.

The morning after, I had woken in my room as if it was any other day. Nothing was moved. Nothing was different. It was as if he was never in my apartment, as if the whole thing was a dream. With my head pounding, I had rummaged through my cabinets for any sign of caffeine. When I couldn't find any, I decided to grab some on the way to work.

I didn't see or hear from him that day. Or any of the days afterwards.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

On Tuesday, Candice could tell something happened right away and got it out of me with much prodding. I also had long rants about it with my mom, freaking out about whether I should tell Sam. I wanted to tell him. I did. I couldn't bear the guilt.

However, when he had called on Wednesday, so excitedly, to tell me that he got the scholarship, I just couldn't do it. Then, he had come over to look up apartment listings online. Where we would live, where we would grocery shop, where would be "our spot". The place we would always remember, long after we left.

Watching him type away at the computer and planning our lives together, I had felt so blessed. I didn't deserve to feel it. But, I felt it anyway. I looked at him and felt like breaking down. When I was with him, I just wanted to forget everything that happened and be in his arms. Where it was so safe, so comforting. So much like where I belonged.

At night, I had stared at the ceiling while Sam softly snored with his arm around my waist. I thought of him and everything we'd been through.

I remembered our first date, our first kiss, and every firsts in between. I remembered our six months anniversary, alone at night at the winter theme park, and how traces of snow fell around us as we danced by the carousel, to the song playing on his phone. I remembered his voice and my laughter in the air.

_"I call youu when I need youu. My heart's on firee" Sam had sang with a goofy smile on his face._

_I laughed as he danced around. "You're joking right? Tina Turner?" _

_Hooking his finger, he gestured me to come closer. "You come to me, come to me, wild and wilddd."_

_Tilting my head back, laughing, I leaned into his arms. Beaming up at him, I said. "Sam Hayes, you're the biggest dork I've ever met." _

_He laughed. "See what you would've missed if you didn't give me a chance?"_

_"Yeah, that incredible voice and those awesome dance moves."_

_Lowering his head, he whispered. "C'mere, my mouth can show you some other moves."_

_I gaped at him, narrowing my eyes teasingly. "You did _not_ just say that."_

That night, our footprints were the only ones in the soft, white sheet that was the first snow of the year. That night, I was completely happy.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Now, on a Friday, I was driving with Sam beside me to the restaurant I reserved. I had no doubt that he would get the scholarship and planned the celebratory dinner a month ago. No matter how ashamed and guilty I felt whenever I remembered the incident with Logan, I vowed to put everything aside for today. Tonight was all about Sam.

"You know you're not only terrible with surprises, you're also not great with keeping a surprise a surprise." Sam said while looking at all the little cactus, straw hat and taco décors I placed in the car.

I smiled while pulling into a spot in the parking lot. After I switched off the engine, I turned to Sam and waved towards the restaurant that was across from us. "Ta-da! We're having Mexican tonight." I said.

"No kidding, I really thought we were going for Chinese." He shook his head with mock seriousness and reached for his seatbelt buckle.

"Nah uh." I grabbed his hand. "You're the man of the hour. You have to wait for me to get the door."

He looked up at me in disbelief.

I threw him a look to say I was serious.

He gave up and slumped back into the seat.

Biting my lip in amusement, I got out of the car and walked over to open his door. We looked at each other through the glass. "Here you go, Mr. Hayes."

"You're too good to me, Ms. Gilmore." He stepped out.

"Where do you get that idea?" I reached for his hand.

He took my hand and pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around my waist. I tilted my head back to look into his eyes. They were filled with a love that I didn't deserve. I quickly pushed the thought away.

Sam leaned down and kissed me. "Thanks, babe." He murmured.

A smile spread on my face. "You're welcome."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

As Sam and I entered the restaurant, I immediately spotted our table where Candice, Jeremy and Vince sat. Candice looked up from her drink and our eyes met. She waved at me.

"Rory!" Candice grinned when we reached the table. I let go of Sam's hand as she gave him a hug.

"Hayes, congratulations." She beamed at him.

"Thanks, Candice."

"Sam, my man!" Vince stood up and pulled him into a bear hug. "Congratulations, bro."

"Thanks, where's your date?" We all knew Vince didn't go anywhere without a girl at his side.

"She's around. You'll see. This one is the finest yet." Vince gave a throaty laugh and slapped Sam's back.

Candice and I shared a look. We had a love-hate relationship with Vince since he blatantly objectified women, but was often good for laughs. He was in his usual attire of dirty jeans and a T-shirt that looked like he found in the back of his closet. His dark, blonde hair was disheveled behind his ears and his chin was marked with stubbles. In embarrassingly immature girl talks, Candice and I had pondered about Vince's appeal. For now, we had come to the conclusion that he must be exceptional in the bedroom.

I remembered the first time I went over to Sam's apartment and saw Vince sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning against the couch with a guitar in his lap. A pencil was dangling from his mouth as he strummed away. He had looked up and acknowledged us before reaching for a slice of stale pizza. When I got closer, I saw scribbles on the pizza box, mixed with oil stains. I had found out it was where he wrote many of his songs. That and the different girls he brought home every night were the reasons Sam and I mostly stayed at my place.

Jeremy was the last to congratulate Sam before we all sat down. After Vince's playmate of the day came back to our table, we settled into easy chitchat. As Sam and I naturally pulled our chairs closer together while we began to look at the menus, I eyed Candice from across the table. She was sitting near Jeremy, who had his arm over the back of her chair. She shot a warning look as I smiled down at the pages.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Halfway through dinner, Jeremy stood up, clearing his throat as he raised his glass. He said. "I would like to make a toast." The conversations around the table halted. "We all know I've known Sam for years, well, except you." He added with a sheepish smile at Adrianne, or was it Adrianna. Her introduction earlier had been cut off by Vince's tongue down her throat.

"So, back to my toast." Small chuckles surrounded the table as Jeremy looked at Sam. "We're all proud of you, man. I hate to be the one to admit it, but I'm sure everyone here-" He paused. "Sorry, most of us here, were secretly hoping you had some shitty grades hidden in that transcript and blew this scholarship."

"To shitty grades." Candice and Vince raised their glasses with huge grins.

Sam snickered at them but drank anyway. "I can't say I'm touched."

I laughed and took a sip of my champagne.

"Rory, are you sure you're going? I hear they don't have pop-tarts" Candice raised an eyebrow.

"Or hot dogs." Vince chimed in.

"Oh my gosh, no hot dogs or pop-tarts, I wasn't informed of this." I mock glared at Sam.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, lamingtons and chiko rolls will have to do."

"You did your research." I couldn't help but smile.

"Of course, babe." He grinned.

"Okay, enough of this." Candice cut in and rolled her eyes. "Sam, are you sure you've thought this through? Think of her first thing in the morning without coffee."

"Hey, I fight anyone who comes between me and my coffee." My tone was adamant.

"I attest to that." Jeremy shook his head, probably remembering when he came over on a Saturday morning with Knicks tickets for him and Sam, but was met with my rants when I found out we were out of caffeine.

Sam put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. "I've had years of exposure. I'm almost immune now." His eyes twinkled into mine.

I grinned. "Almost."

"Think on the bright side, at least we wouldn't have to witness this mushy shit anymore." Vince put a hand through his date's hair.

"Right, just yours." Candice chortled.

"Shut up, Harrison."

"Okay, you two." Jeremy was the usual pacifier.

While I enjoyed their bickers, something across the room caught my eye. Someone was walking past the tables and had stopped. I got a feeling that the person was watching us. When I drew my attention away from my friends and looked in the direction, my body froze under Sam's hold. A man with his arm around a girl was staring at me.

"What's wrong?" Sam whispered near my ear.

My eyes lingered for one more second before I cleared my throat and looked down. "Nothing." _What was he doing here? Who is that girl?_

Through my peripheral, I saw Sam look straight and felt his arm tense around me.

As blood left my face, I licked my lips, careful to not alarm the rest of the table with my behavior. I straightened myself and watched Candice and Jeremy chat with her arms gesturing in the air. Sam shifted in his seat until we were almost glued to each other and began a conversation with Vince. His arm remained firmly wrapped around my back.

No matter how hard I tried to tune in to Candice's words, pictures of that night flashed across my mind. I could feel the embarrassment boil in me as guilt threatened to suffocate my uneven breaths. I told myself to focus. I had promised to put everything aside tonight. I had vowed to only think of Sam. _H__e was on a date. What did you think he was? A monk? Just stop. _

After what felt like an era, I was finally thinking clearly and could engage in distracted chats. Towards the end of the dinner, I scooted out of my chair and Sam's arm after letting him know I would be back. When I stood up, Candice's gaze locked with mine. She placed her napkin on the table and got up. I waited for her to reach me before we headed for the restroom together.

"What's going on?" She hissed at me as we weaved through the tables.

I swallowed my nerves. "He's here."

"Who?"

"Who else?" I looked down at my feet.

She turned as she walked and looked around the restaurant. I grabbed her arm. "Stop looking."

"I don't see him."

"Just keep walking." I ordered.

When we reached the narrow hallway outside the restrooms with Candice walking in the front, she leaned her shoulder into the door to open it and turned back to me.

"Tell me when we're-" Her sentence was cut off as she stared behind me.

As if hit by a cold front, my whole body instantly cooled.

Candice nodded towards my right. "Logan."

The name sent shudders down my back. Crap.

"Hey, Candice." The smooth, confident voice came from behind. "I was hoping to talk to Rory for a minute."

"I'll leave you two alone." She gave me a look that told the obvious. I was doomed. I watched helplessly as she entered the room. _No. Come back._

Bracing myself, I turned around, only to meet a pair of hard, brown eyes.

"Hey." I avoided his gaze and backed up into the wall beside us.

"Hey." He faced me. I realized I was now stuck. "I saw you just now and thought I should come say hi."

At his voice, unexpected feelings hit me. I felt anger, hurt and joy all at once, but the anger surfaced higher as bile rose in my throat. _It wouldn't have happened if he didn't make me drink._ "Well, you're done then." I shrugged. "Don't keep the girl waiting." The sentence left my mouth before I could stop it. My face started to burn.

"Ace." I heard him sigh as I stared at the wall behind him. I was so humiliated. I just wanted to run out of there. He said. "She's a family friend who my parents wanted me to show around New York for a while now. Today was the only day I was free to do so."

I realized how immature I must have sounded. "I'm sorry. My previous blunder was uncalled for. You shouldn't have to explain." I looked up at him and gave a smile.

"If you say so." He pursed his lips.

"Candice is probably really torn in there about how long she has to hide for, so I should go." I pointed towards the door and made an advancement towards it.

"Ace." He came forward and blocked my way. Then, he backed up quickly, giving me space. "Actually, there's something else."

"What is it?" My heartbeat quickened.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" He added. "I need to tell you something. It's important."

"Logan, I don't think-"

"Just twenty minutes and I'll go." For the first time, I could tell he was nervous.

"Why don't you tell me now?"

He glanced to his left. "It's not really a stand-outside-the-washroom-while-your-boyfriend-gl ares kind of subject."

I straightened myself knowing Sam was watching us. "I can't tomorrow. I'm going to Stars Hollows."

"I just need a few minutes. I'll stop by in the morning."

At his foreign tone as he tried to convince me, I looked into his eyes. They held a desperation that caught me off guard. I tore my gaze away and said. "Fine."

"Okay." He stepped away and was almost leaning against the wall. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I felt him watch me as he stayed there. Feeling a blush creep up my cheeks under his intense gaze, I moved towards the restroom door.

"Well, I should let you get back to your boyfriend." I stopped when I heard his low voice from behind.

I looked over my shoulder. "And you should get back to your date." My eyes locked with his. I expected the usual challenge, but was instead met with something I'd never seen from those caramel eyes. They were so sad and lost.

A knot formed in my chest while I diverted my gaze. I cleared my throat and turned, practically running into the bathroom with my heart thumping against my chest.

For the rest of the night, I couldn't think of anything but Logan. I knew I was suppose to focus on Sam, but whenever I saw Logan, it was as if I lost control of all my senses. He became all I could think about, feel and see. I saw the look in his eyes and felt it crush my heart. I felt it was a glimpse into his true feelings, like it was a secret I walked into. A secret I should've never seen.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The next morning, as soon as the clock turned six, I got up. I had been tossing and turning since four, while thoughts swam around in my head. Logan was coming and I was driving to Stars Hollows. I needed more sleep, I had told myself. Yet, the more I fretted over today's agenda, the faster my anxieties grew. What could Logan have to tell me? A hundred possibilities crossed my mind and each only enlarged the ball in my stomach. So, I lay in bed waiting for the dim rays of light to squeeze through the blinds and when the clock read six, my heart gave a dance of relief. I was released from my own merciless torture, though only for a while.

After a shower, I went in search of my known solution for everything bad in life. Coffee. For today, I especially added extra spoonfuls to increase the caffeine dosage. I most certainly needed it for the long drive later. And maybe to get through a certain visit, the small voice clawed into my thoughts.

A few minutes went by before I heard the comforting click of the coffee maker. My cold fingers stretched out near the pot, taking in the warmth. With weaning patience, I poured myself a large cup of the steaming goodness.

The doorbell rang, causing my hand to jerk while almost spilling hot liquid onto the counter. I put down the mug as my head turned towards the sound.

It must be him.

A weight sank down my throat, eventually stirring in my stomach. My previously acquired comfort from the idea of coffee instantly vanished.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After quickly washing and wiping my hands, I went to get the door. There was a dreadful rhythm in my chest with every step I took. I couldn't place the feeling, but the look in Logan's eyes last night came to me. It also didn't help that the last time he was here, I was in his arms. My cheeks warmed at the sudden recollection.

Before I could contemplate any further, I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Logan stood before me sporting a casual attire with dark jeans that hung at his hips. He looked years younger without a suit and tie. However, when I looked closer, I saw his sunken, bloodshot eyes. The sight made my chest constrict. It reminded me of the expression his eyes held last night.

Backing up, I waved him in with a small smile.

He gave a nod before stepping inside.

Following him into the middle of the room, I said. "Do you want some coffee? I just made some."

He turned and shook his head. "No, thanks. I'm fine." His lips remained in a tight line. My nerves surfaced higher at the observation.

"I was just pouring myself a cup." I gestured towards the kitchen. "I'll just get one for you too. You know me without coffee in the morning." An empty chuckle came out.

His mouth gave a quick curl in response.

Forcing my attention away from him, I turned into the kitchen and poured the cups of coffee, careful to avoid spilling. There was an eerie silence in the apartment. The air was cold and stale, a suffocating mixture hanging around us like ghosts.

Taking another deep breath, I carried the mugs into the living room, finding Logan in the same spot. He was looking at the corner of the room, at the picture frame sitting on the table. My heart dropped. What seemed like a natural, sweet display of Sam and I's trip to Florida, now, cut through the air sharper than any blade.

Clearing my throat, I nodded towards the couch. "You can have a seat." A smile weighed on my cheeks.

Logan shook his head. "It's really fine. I'm not planning on staying long."

"Oh."

With shaky hands, I placed the cups on the coffee table beside him.

"So..." Rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans, I straightened myself. "What was it that you needed to tell me?"

With a slight frown marring his face, he looked into my eyes.

He took a breath before he said. "Rory..."

My heart stopped. This couldn't be good.

"I came to say goodbye."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

All thoughts failed me as I stood there while my mind tried to put together the words that left his mouth. Without a sound, I stared at his paling face. At the man I had known so well.

He pursed his lips and lowered his head. "I got a call from the department in Cali. They're offering me a position I'd wanted. So, I'll be moving back. Depending on the case, it could be permanent or just for a few months." He stopped and shrugged with an apologetic smile. "Well, either way, you'll be in Australia by then."

Still digesting his words, I examined him while almost forgetting how to breathe. Slowly, what he was saying came to me. The thought of Logan leaving and never seeing him again made something inside of me break. I didn't expect this.

"It's a good opportunity. Quite a big deal."

Seeing the small smile remain on his lips, my senses came back and I choked out. "Congratulations."

For a brief second, Logan closed his eyes. "Well, it was really nice seeing you again, Rory."

"Yeah, you too." I was nodding.

"I just-" He paused. "I just hope that everything's okay with us. I mean, all I want is you to be happy."

I swallowed and said. "Of course, me too." _How could everything be okay?_

"Sam's a good guy. I hope you have a great time in Australia. There's lots to see there."

I forced a smile until my muscles hurt. "Thanks. I hope Cali treats you well."

He nodded. "So, I just came to tell you that I'm leaving tomorrow. And, well, I probably won't be seeing you again."

"I-"

"Unless we meet after you come back, but there's not much of a chance for that."

"Right." I stared at him, coherent thoughts gradually forming in my head.

He was leaving. So suddenly. Just like before.

The finality of his words sank into me. I couldn't think of anything else except him. He was right. This time when he leaves, it was final. Even if we met again, there would be mountains between us. I had made my choice and so had he. My heart clung to the realization. This was not a dream.

Logan and I.

We were finally, truly over.

Any hope that had hung between us was ripped away.

Looking at Logan, at that moment, with his hands in his pockets and standing a foot away, I suddenly remembered this feeling. I remembered the way he kept his distance at my graduation, the way he extended his hand to retrieve the ring, the way he turned in the exact posture and walked away.

Now that it was final, I felt we could be honest. I felt the next few minutes would just be about Logan and me. And our last goodbye.

Finding my voice, I said. "Logan... It was really, really nice seeing you again. I really do treasure these weeks. I-" I wished to be strong, but my throat felt so tight. _I'll miss you. _I couldn't finish.

"These weeks were memorable for me, too." The ghost of a smile crossed his face. Then, he shook his head slightly. I heard him breathe before he said. "This is it then. Funny, how life works. Three years later, and we're at the same spot."

Though my heart broke at his words, my feet stayed rooted to the ground. The determination in his eyes made sure of it. "Can't we stay in touch?" The sentence hung in the air before I added. "As friends?"

"Rory..." He sighed. "I told you from day one that you and I, if we got together, it would be something right away and that haven't changed." He pursed his lips and stopped. "I was fooling myself, but I see it now. We're not friends and we could never be just friends."

Until now, I had never realized how right he was. First when he said it would be something special right away, and then that it was all or nothing. We were never purely friends, not from the day we met in the hallway, or the day at the party a few weeks back.

"So you're saying we should be together?" The tentative question left my lips.

"No."

The syllable resounded between us, jabbing clean, sharp stabs into my heart.

"You have something great going on. I'm not going to be that guy to break your heart and make you cry. Not anymore. I don't want that. So I'm going to stay away now." He looked over my shoulder at the corner of the room. "Your life was much easier and happier before I came along, both times."

"Logan, I loved being with you, you know that."

He turned back to me. "Sometimes, it's about the ending, and not the journey."

And this was the end, the inevitable thought came. We were standing here with unshed tears behind our eyes and so much hurt between us, saying goodbye. Finally, I understood.

Logan started to come closer and my heartbeat stopped. He pulled out something silver from his pocket and held it to me. When I didn't make a move for it, he took my hand and put the jewelry into my palm. I saw that it was a silver bracelet, with small hoops linked onto each other and a delicate four-leaf clover hanging on an end. I looked up at him.

"I bought it when I saw it in Cali because it reminded me of you. My good luck charm." He shrugged as if that could lessen the impact of his words.

My throat closed as memories of the times I sat by his side during the poker nights rushed to me. I remembered what it was like to be so close, with my fingers interlaced with his and head on his shoulder.

Automatically, I reached out to hand the bracelet back to him. I couldn't keep it.

"No, just have it." He backed away. "I don't even know why I kept it all this time, but I can't anymore. It belongs with you. You were the intended owner."

"Logan... I-" Tears stung my eyes as I felt the light weight of the bracelet in my hand. I didn't know what to do with it.

"You can throw it away, but I just wanted to give it to you. Nothing else felt right."

Swallowing the pain in my chest, I retracted my hand and folded the bracelet tightly in my palm.

Logan took a step back, increasing the space between us. His voice cracked faintly as he looked down and said. "Ace..."

Hearing him call my name, my heart broke into bits. I watched, with the bracelet gouging into my flesh, as he faced me. "Before I go, I want to tell you something. I don't know if I should, but I'm saying it anyway." His eyes were fierce as his jaws tightened. Then, they softened in front of mine as he said. "I just want you to know that no matter what happened between us, loving you was the best surprise of my life. I never thought I could, but it was so easy, so natural - and I'm thankful for that." He paused. "For me, being with you was worth any hurt."

I bit my lip 'til the pain distracted me from the burn behind my eyes. 'Til I could contain the moisture building up. Never had I heard such a confession from him. Never. Composing myself, I said. "Me too. You'll always be special to me."

I wanted to say more. That he was my first, real love. That I could never love anyone the same way again. That even when I'm ninety and looked back on my life, I would always remember him, and that love. But I held the words back. With Logan, if I started, I could never stop.

His face shifted into a heartbreaking smile as he gave a subtle nod, as if he felt it was time to go. "Take care, Rory."

He backed away and was about to turn around. It took everything in me to keep from going to him. I couldn't help it. I wanted to reach out and touch him, his chest, his face.

Before he went any further, he stopped in his track and looked back at me, into my eyes.

He said. "Ace, everything I've done, every mistake I've made, I would like it if you could just forget them all. I don't want you to hurt anymore because of me." He held my gaze, his expression firm. As if that was all he wanted. "Just be happy."

_How could I forget?_ His words, in that instant, only elucidated them. I saw the times he came home late and cuddled up behind me under the covers. When I had a morning class and we clung onto each other, willing the alarm to stop beeping. The times he surprised me from London and I counted down the minutes we had left before he got on the plane. When we stayed on the phone at night, knowing I fell asleep better as long as he was on the line. We didn't need words. Just his breaths told me more than anyone could in a thousand ways.

All these memories had never been clearer in my mind. Struggling to keep my tears at bay, I said. "I want you to be happy too."

He cleared his throat and nodded. I knew he had said everything he needed to say. I knew him well enough.

In the final moment, I tried to memorize everything. I didn't want to be part of the many, who looked back at their lives and saw their first, great love the way they wanted it remembered. On a pedestal and tainted with bias. I wanted Logan memorized with flaws and all, because it was every bit of him that I had loved. From all the good to all the bad. Despite what he asked for, I wasn't going to forget.

I watched him in the instant like a fly on the wall. I remembered him exactly as he was. How his hair was an unruly gold and a little spiky in the front, his shirt an off-white, clinging to his chest, and his pale arms, contrasting the color of his jeans. Even his eyes, sad and lifeless.

Before I realized, Logan was moving towards me, only stopping inches away. I looked up at him with my heart in my throat. He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead, so gently that it tingled in the very spot. Tears gathered in my eyes as I closed them.

I heard him say.

"Bye, Ace."

Readying myself to watch him leave, I opened my eyes.

There he was, walking towards the door. This time, I remembered every detail of the way he walked away. I told myself not to cry, to hold it just a bit longer, until he was out of sight. Like a silent movie, I watched as Logan opened the door and disappeared behind it.

He was gone.

In that moment, the thought of never seeing him again felt worse than a million deaths. I would do anything to get him back. Anything and nothing at the same time as I stood in my spot. In my hand was the bracelet clenched fiercely against my palm, the pain from the metal matching that behind my eyes. _Just a bit longer._ My jaws tightened.

When I was certain he was gone, certain he wasn't coming back, I finally let my tears fall as I sank down into the couch behind me. I cried while I stared at the door, soaking in the last of his presence that would be gone too soon. I didn't think I could ever get up again.

This time. The last time. It was final.

He let me go.

I had been so torn. Now, he made the decision for me. For us. Except there was no more us. After all these years, I think I have finally accepted it. All along, I only needed this very moment, those very words, to see it.

Losing him was so foreign. Yet, so familiar.

_Goodbye, Rory._

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please leave a review.**

I'm nervous to ask for many reasons...but what did you think? Please let me know!

Thanks for everyone's reviews and follows!

The song mentioned is The Best by Tina Turner. No, I don't own the lyrics.


	18. Chapter Seventeen: Our Vow

❤ Chapter Seventeen ❤

_**Logan**_

Back in Palo Alto, I sat in my office with the monitor light illuminating my desk. It was well past midnight. Reclining in my seat and crossing my arms over my chest, I tried to get some sleep.

It had been three months since I saw Rory at her apartment.

In the darkness, her face came to me. Even though she didn't speak, I felt her words through the way she stood there. Her bottom lip was tucked in with the blood draining from the edges. The blue in her eyes was almost purple as it reflected her unshed tears. But, the most daunting image of all was her hand. Her hand clenched the bracelet until her knuckles were white. I knew she wouldn't ever wear it. I knew when I left that it would be abandoned once again.

Letting her go had felt like the right choice. But, on restless nights, it felt like the biggest mistake.

This afternoon, I was told I could see her again.

I just didn't know if I should.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After an unsettling sleep, I woke up at five. Knowing I couldn't get much more rest, I went home to take a shower. I needed to get out of the clothes I had on for the past two days.

As I stepped out of the shower and threw on a shirt and shorts, the doorbell rang. Tossing my wet hair between my fingers, I went to answer the door.

In the hallway was Amelia, holding a grocery bag and glaring at me. This was becoming a usual sight.

"Morning." I said before heading back to the bedroom to change. The sooner I got back to the office, the sooner I got back to work. Work was something bearable- it occupied me.

Pots clanged in the kitchen, joining Amelia's frustrated voice. "Really, Logan? When was the last proper meal you've had?"

"When you ransacked my kitchen with an attempt at making spaghetti?" I called out while pulling on a pair of pants. "Was that last month?'

"Notice I said _proper_."

While buttoning my shirt, I entered the kitchen. "It wasn't so bad."

"Wow, you're exceptionally nice today."

"I have my moments." I took a seat at the counter across from her. "What brings you here?"

She stopped what she was doing, placing the knife that was in her hand on the counter, and looked up. Her chin looked even sharper with the frown she wore. "To make sure you haven't died from malnutrition."

"Ah, so you rather I die from choking." I pointed to the bits of egg shells suspended in the bowl of omelet mixture.

Narrowing her eyes, she shoved my hand away. "Shut up and I might supply utensils for you to pick them out."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"I've got to say, Nia. This isn't so bad."

She smirked while checking her watch. "An hour and a half."

"Hm?"

"I'm timing to see when I get a smile. It's becoming even rarer than when we first met."

"You've got too much time on your hands."

"Just compared to you." She brushed an auburn curl out of her face. "Anything new at work?"

Shit. At her question, I remembered the meeting yesterday. I hesitated before answering. "Fred said there's a business partner to meet next week."

"Ew, don't you get bored of them? Where is it this time?"

My shoulders tensed. Telling her would mean unwanted questions. Without meeting her gaze, I replied. "New York."

The table under my arms shifted as she leaned into it. "You're going back to the City Gazette?"

"No."

"But, you're going to New York?"

"For four days."

"Are you going to see Rory then?" Her voice rose in anticipation.

I didn't answer.

"Logan, you've been sulking around like a sissy for the past three months." She began another lecture. "I think it's time to screw your pride and just tell her how you feel."

"Damn. You're right, Dr. Phil." I got up with my plate and turned around.

"Seriously, as a friend, I'm tired of seeing you unhappy. It's getting pretty boring." She stood up and followed me into the kitchen.

Why the hell did she care? It only made me despise her and myself. "I don't exactly recall inviting you here." My voice was low as I slowly placed the plate in the sink and turned on the faucet.

Cold, thin fingers gripped my arm causing my body to tense further. "Will you stop being a stubborn asshole?"

God damnit, she just doesn't quit. Closing my eyes and steadying my breaths, I turned and leaned against the counter.

After a few seconds of nothing but the sound of the running water hitting the metal sink, I opened my eyes.

Amelia sighed. "I knew it would come to this."

She looked down and bit her lip. Then, she pulled out a small, worn-out piece of paper with small prints on the front from her jean pocket and examined it. The thing was old and wrinkled - somehow familiar.

Looking at me with large brown eyes and strands of hair tugged behind her ears, she said. "Since my nagging for the past few months clearly hasn't gone past your thick skull, I'll say something more. But, just this once."

She pushed the paper into my chest, nudging once before I snatched it from her. The paper was soft with lines and creases on the surface. It had been folded so many times that it was curled on the edges. Shit, I recognized what it was - the receipt. A large weight ripped through my chest.

She said. "I'm all about moving forward and not looking back. But, sometimes, in order to move on, you have to. You realize some things just weren't meant to be." Her hand briefly moved to her stomach before she looked into my eyes. "Stop being a damn coward and face the past, Logan."

I looked at the receipt in my hand. It was proof of our history - our start.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

**Two years ago**

Weeks after our blind date, Amelia and I met again by chance. I was at the bar I went to once in a while after work, drinking the stress away.

Near the end of the night, I looked up to find a tall blonde smiling at me from the end of the bar. Another easy target. My eyes dropped to her body, studying it through the snug black dress. Downing the glass of scotch in front of me, I got up as my eyes returned to hers. Even from a distance, I saw how they widened as I approached further. When I was a few feet from my goal, a tap on my shoulder made me turn around.

A small figure with a thin, pale face framed by rich, dark curls stood before me. Her brown eyes were enormous. If they were any bigger, she'd look like a lemur. Yet, they were the perfect proportion to make her attractive.

"Hey, Logan. Fancy seeing you here." She smirked, looking past me at what had been my target for the night.

"Shouldn't a girl like you be home at this hour?"

She shrugged. "I could be, but what would be the fun in that?"

"So, what do you do? Just roam around for the next unsuspecting victim to marry?"

"What I do is none of your business." She placed her hands on her hips. I noticed the tight shirt hugging her body. "It's better than what you do."

"And what do I do?" I lowered my body until her gaze locked with mine.

She scoffed and ran a hand through her hair. "Let's see. You drink 'till you temporarily forget the pain. Then, you dupe the next bombshell into dropping her panties at just a look. And lastly, like the razor blades in your bathroom drawer, you dispose of her in the morning after a single to several use."

"Intricate description." I nodded with a slight curl of my lips.

"Really, Logan. I don't get it. The other night you seemed all sentimental and almost human, talking about that love of your life. Yet, instead of doing anything about it besides collecting her articles every morning, you're sleeping with all moving creatures with big boobs and long legs?"

My jaws tensed. "That's not true. You aren't exactly generous in the chest department."

She glared at me. The girl was feistier than she looked. "Why do men do that?"

I shrugged. "I can't speak for all men, but everyone needs something to fill the void." Looking into her eyes, a pain stabbed me.

"That's what cuddly kittens are for."

I let out a chuckle. "I'll remember that."

She gestured to something behind me and nodded. "Well, your void filler's here. Just remember all those razor blades might cut your feet someday."

I grabbed her arm as she was leaving. Her frailness still shocked me with every touch. "Wait."

She turned around.

"I'm thinking some beers will do for tonight."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After a few months since I met Amelia, she became more tolerable - likable even. As she spent more time at my place, my family and even Colin and Finn started getting on my case about it. I could brush it off with a few jokes when it came to my friends. But, with my father, it was now damn impossible to get him off my back about marriage. It didn't help that Honor was on his side, saying she was worried about me. Despite the chaos, I kept Amelia close. I had gotten used to having a warm body in my bed. It helped with the pain.

In the mornings, we fell into a routine where I made coffee while she showered. Then, I looked through the papers for any news on the campaign.

"Hey, sexy."

A pair of arms wrapped around my shoulders as wet strands of hair fell onto my chest. The familiar citrus scent surrounded me. "The coffee's ready." I nodded towards my left.

She bounced towards the door and disappeared into the kitchen, reappearing later with a mug in one hand and newspapers in the other. She walked over and sat down beside me.

The phone buzzed on the table for the fifth time today before I clicked it off.

"Mitchum's still bugging you?"

"Eighteen." I pursed my lips. "That's the record so far. Let's bet how many times he calls today."

"I see where you get your strong-headedness from."

I smirked. "And what about your parents?"

"Oh, I can handle them. Have been doing it my whole life." She grinned while raising the mug to her lips. As she took a sip, her hand reached for the newspapers on her right. "Here, check this one. I think there's something about the stop in Seattle."

I took the paper and flipped through it. The headlines on the second page caught my eyes, which then drifted to the picture on the bottom. A small group of people were gathered under a banner, posing for the camera. Right away, I saw the girl on the far right. Though her hair was cut short, her eyes and smile were the same as I remembered. She had on the smile I saw after she finished an article late at night - proud and delighted.

The insides of my stomach clenched as I noticed a hand on her shoulder. Shit. My focus landed on the guy to her left. He towered over the surrounding people and looked just as ecstatic. What the hell was his hand doing there?

"What's wrong?" Amelia leaned into me to take a look.

I tucked the paper away.

She narrowed her eyes and snatched the paper off the table.

Getting up, I turned towards the bedroom.

"Men." I heard her mutter.

Heading for the shower and locking the bathroom door in the process, I remembered the girl from the picture - how she used to be in my arms and smiled at me that way. Now, some damn guy's arm was around her.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

When I got out of the shower, Amelia was sitting cross-legged on the bed while stuffing items into a large bag in front of her.

"Packing for the apocalypse?" My tone was wry as I walked over while towel-drying my hair.

She jumped off the bed and ran to me. "Guess where we're going today."

"_I'm_ going to work." Scowling, I got closer to the bed and glanced into the bag. All sorts of products were inside. "This isn't going to help when the meteorite strikes."

"You're not going to work today. It's a Saturday." She grabbed the bag and slung it across her shoulder.

"I work on Saturdays." I moved to the closet to grab the usual shirt and tie.

"Not this Saturday." She gripped my arm.

I faced her, but before I could say anything, my phone started buzzing from the other room. "Christ, how the hell does he have all this time?!" I sighed heavily, trying to collect myself while waiting for the sound to stop.

"You seriously need to relax, Logan. Take the day off and come with me. I wanna show you this place." She stepped into the closet and came out with some clothes, which she shoved into my chest. "Wear these. Give your neck a breather for the day."

Exhaling deeply, I grabbed the clothes from her and muttered. "I should have picked the blonde."

"There are no regrets, just lessons learned." She grinned and elbowed my arm. "Hurry up and change. I wanna beat the crowd."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After a half an hour's drive, Amelia and I arrived at her destination. From the car, I studied the white waves rolling amongst an endless blue and sun rays hitting the smooth sand.

"I can't believe you've been here for a year and haven't visited the beach." She got out of the car and adjusted her sunglasses.

I stepped out and walked over to her. "Is it always this empty in the morning?"

"Yup, as long as it's before eight." She reached into her bag and pulled out one of the products. "I like to jog here in the morning."

"I never knew."

"There are lots to learn about me." She winked. "Here, put on some sunscreen." The bottle flew at me.

I caught it and stared at her. She was rubbing white goo all over her arms and legs. "Think I'll pass."

She rolled her eyes and muttered. "Men."

After she finished slapping on the sunscreen, Amelia kicked off her shoes and ran off, heading for the sand while shouting over her shoulders. "Suit yourself!"

I chuckled as I sauntered after her. Getting closer to the water, I stopped to take in the view. The wind roared into my ears, beating my hair against my scalp. Every sense was dominated by my surroundings with my shirt slapping against my chest and the thunderous sounds filling my head. It was a relief to not think and only feel.

Walking towards the shoreline with the warm sand beneath my feet, I looked into the horizon. Amelia was dancing around the water and waving her arms wildly in my direction. She cupped her hands around her mouth and leaned forward.

"Run!" She yelled as hair caught on her lips and she struggled to keep it out of her face.

A smile broke out as I watched her. She looked like a little kid from the distance. I picked up my pace and jogged towards the sea.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After a long run, we sat on the sand near where the waves pushed onto the shore. For the first time in a year, I felt relaxed.

Amelia sighed contently as she looked straight. "I've been coming here by myself since I was fifteen."

My lips curled. "I'm surprised your parents let their only child wander around."

"I'm a pro at bypassing the numerous security features they installed." Her brown eyes twinkled under the sun.

"I'll bet."

She let out a faint chuckle as she looked down at her legs that were stretched on the white sand. Softly, she said. "They were too busy fighting to notice me anyway."

I examined her profile and how her round eyes hung at the corners. "Is that why you don't do relationships?"

"I've had two long term relationships, you know." She smiled at me with a proud face.

"Really?" My eyebrow shot up. "How come you never told me?"

She shrugged. "They didn't last so why bother?"

"They got annoyed by your constant yapping?"

She slapped my shoulder and brought her knees up to her chest. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she said. "They ended because they wanted something more." She scooped some sand into her hand and spread her fingers, letting the grains slip through. "I didn't love them. Actually, I don't think I can ever love anyone." She examined the pile of sand underneath her hand. "I really thought there was something wrong with me."

Looking away, I remembered my days at Yale. "That's what I use to think."

"Then, you met her?"

I was silent.

"Well, I don't ever want to become like my parents. Holding onto something manifested by hate and resentment." She let out a light, dry laugh. "You know, I found Mother crying once after they had a fight. She told me how they met and everything. That's when I realized they were actually in love once."

I cringed at her words. Hell, I knew how easily a good relationship could end.

"That's when I saw how fickle love is." She gave an ironic smile. "That's why it's nice hanging out with you." Her shoulder nudged mine. "You don't expect anything emotional."

I snickered. "You don't have to worry about that with me." This was the first girl I'd met who didn't expect any emotional involvement from someone she was sleeping with.

"Exactly, I'm glad your heart belongs to someone else. In fact, I'll be thrilled if you got back together."

A knot formed in my chest as I remembered the picture. "She's moved on."

"How would you know? You never even contacted her."

All my muscles tensed.

"Oh right, except that time you tried to call. But, there are plenty of other ways you can reach her. It's the twenty-first century."

I sighed and looked at the water, noticing the bright lines of white and gold rippling in the distance. "She's a great girl. I'm sure she's found someone better."

"Better than you? A bad-tempered workaholic? No way!"

Sand splattered onto my shorts, making me turn to Amelia. "Remind me how old you are again?" I scowled while dusting off my clothes.

Before she could retort, a ringtone filled the air.

While Amelia answered her phone, I continued to watch the ripples on the water.

"Hi, Mother."

"Just out."

"Yeah... I'm with him."

"Yes, that's right. That Huntzberger." I cocked an eyebrow at her as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh no. He's being snagged away by a gigantic seagull. Can't have him die on me before I marry for his money and status! Gotta go. I'll call you later!" _Click._ She dumped her phone back into the bag and grinned.

"Real mature." I nodded with amusement.

"Nine now." She smirked, pulling her curls onto one shoulder as the strands flapped in the wind. "Let's see how many times she brings up marriage at the mention of your name."

"What the hell is with our parents' fascination with marriage?" I hated it. There was a time I lost sleep over it, whether it was because of the excitement before the proposal or the anger afterwards. Now, I hated just the word. I hated the word coming from my father more than anything - more than the concept itself.

"You think they would leave us alone if we did get married?"

My head lowered as I exhaled. Then, I turned to look at Amelia. I saw her pink cheeks against her pale skin and brown eyes squinting in the sun. Without any expression, I said. "Why don't we?"

Her brows furrowed. "What?"

"Get married." My mind was blank as I said the words. A pair of blue eyes drifted into my thoughts, causing anger to pulse through my veins. If I couldn't marry the girl I loved, I didn't care who I married. Hell, I had nothing to lose.

"Ha-ha." Amelia looked away with a tight smile.

I grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards me. "I'm going insane from the damn pestering. That's what our parents want. Give 'em that and they'll leave us alone."

"Wow, now that is the most romantic proposal I've ever heard." Her nose wrinkled.

Damn, was it that hard to propose to a girl? Whether I was in love or not? "Shit, Amelia. You know I won't love you. You don't have to worry about that. I can't love anyone else besides-" I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Nothing will change. We can be a team - companions."

"So, no love. Just marriage." She stated.

I pursed my lips and nodded slightly.

"You know that's crazy, right?"

Seeing a genuine smile reach her eyes, my lips curved. "That hasn't stopped me before."

"Hm." She turned to look straight. "I may be wrong, but this isn't a very normal proposal."

I thought of my last proposal. How I put everything I had into it. How she turned it down. Scorning, I said. "You imagined hearts and flowers?"

She shook her head with a smile. "Now, that's the Logan I know." Then, she turned to her right and pointed. "Oh! The concession stand's open." She grabbed my arm with a childish grin. "Treat me to an ice-cream and I'll consider it."

Snickering, I stood while pulling her up by the arms. She was back to her giddy self. This girl was really something.

Side by side, we walked towards the food truck far away, our steps leaving footprints on the vast stretch of sand behind us.

Amelia looked up at me, her hair a light mahogany under the sun. "I expect a fancy ring, by the way."

"Sure." I smirked and put my arm around her shoulders. "I'll make one out of the receipt."

I couldn't love her. I knew. But I needed someone by my side - we both did. We gave each other what we wanted, and nothing more. That was our vow. We just didn't plan on the unexpected circumstances that would instantly break it.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and please leave a review. I would love to hear your feedback!**

Thanks for the reviews, fav and follows!


	19. Chapter Eighteen: I'll always be true

❤ Chapter Eighteen ❤

Once in every girl's life, she meets someone who turns her world upside down. When the person leaves, she's left hanging. Left to make sense of a world without him in it. She tells herself she can get through. She tries to get back to her life before him. But, she can never forget his name. His hand that once held hers. And the look in his eyes, before he walked away.

After Logan left three months ago, I lived in a world I no longer knew. Everything around me was foreign. Such as my office, knowing he was no longer a floor away. Or even my apartment, where he stood before me, but was now nowhere in sight. I was at a loss. What was I suppose to do now? It was a strange question when he was merely back for a few weeks while we spent years apart. I knew how to be without him. I had much experience. But once he was gone, I also knew that I didn't want to. I wanted him in my life.

However, Logan wasn't in my life. Sam was. Before, just this thought would have toughened my spirit and braced myself to put on a smile. To focus on Sam and the warmth he brought whenever he was near. But, not anymore. Since Logan left, my world was different. I was different.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

It was the end of July, with only two weeks left before Sam and I's flight to Australia. My days were filled with endless tasks to get ready for the big move. At work, Peter piled projects my way, milking the most out of my remaining week. In my minimal spare time, I browsed the web for jobs, sent out resumes, and met up with old friends to listen to the usual "we'll miss you" speech. I didn't even know why I did those things. In fact, I didn't know what I was doing anymore. I just did them without thinking. Whenever Sam was around, I felt a bit better like I was temporarily numb to the pain. But, other times, only one name occupied my mind.

After surviving another day at work, I welcomed the flickering lights in my apartment lobby and the faint buzz coming from the ceiling. With books clamped under my arm and a cup of coffee in my hand, I scrambled to reach the button by the elevator.

While I was shifting the books to my other arm as I stepped into the elevator, my phone rang.

"Shoots." I muttered, looking for ways to free a hand.

Almost spilling my coffee, I held the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

Static came through the line before a low male voice answered. "Hey, Rory."

"Hey…" I dragged out the syllable, stalling for time while trying to place the voice. It was familiar.

"Sorry to call out of the blue, but you promised we'll meet up before you leave." The tone was husky.

Racking my brain for who it could be, I thought back to my trip to Stars Hollows and the people I caught up with. It came to me. "Jess?" Squeezing the books tight under my arms, I pressed the phone closer.

"Yeah, hey." His reply was soft and quick.

"Jess, oh my gosh, hi. It's been..."

"'bout three months." He finished my sentence.

My face felt flustered from the surprise. It was good to hear from him. Over the years, Jess sneaked up on me, every now and then, with visits or calls. We would hang out, grab a bite to eat and talk about our lives. Every time, we easily caught up with each other, no matter how long it had been. We came a long way, from high school sweethearts to friends.

"So, how've you been?" I asked as I got out of the elevator on the third floor. "Well, since I last saw you at the fabulous and a tad crazy brunch my mom threw."

"Yeah, it was just a tad crazy." He teased. "With your faces on the wallpaper and own Rory room at the Dragon Fly Inn. But, I've been good. How 'bout you?"

"It's been, well, exhausting." It was the best answer I could come up with. When it came to Jess, I couldn't say the generic "I'm fine". He would see right through me, even over electronic devices.

"Ouch, sounds bad. You can tell me 'bout it at dinner."

"You're in New York?" My keys clanged against each other as I pulled them out of my purse.

"Yeah, don't laugh, but it's for a book signing." His voice was a bit scratchy at the end, meaning he was slightly shy. It was a quirk I noticed since we first met.

"A book signing?" My eyebrows shot up as I reached my unit.

"It's no big deal." He tried to brush it off.

"A book signing?" I asked again, my voice growing louder.

"Just a couple people here and there."

"Oh my gosh, Jess." With a huge grin spreading on my face, I shook my head. "That's so cool. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I wanna go." Caught up in the excitement, I opened the door and stepped in without noticing my surroundings.

"Nah, you don't have to. You'll be bored."

I rolled my eyes. "Jess, I want to. That's amazing."

"Okay, yeah, it's kinda hard to believe."

I smiled. Remembering he asked to meet up, I asked. "So, you wanted to grab a bite?"

"Yeah, you free tomorrow?"

"I should be asking you, Mr. Big Published Author." I teased as the books under my arms flopped onto the couch.

"Stop it, it's really nothing. You'll laugh if you saw the turn out."

"You stop it. There'll be women holding their precious copy of Mr. Jess Mariano's work, yearning to get to the front of the line just to look into those dreamy, dark eyes." The picture brought a grin to my face. I loved teasing Jess just like how my mom teased Luke. Jess, being Luke's nephew, shared many similarities with him than either of them cared to admit.

A short, soft chuckle came through before he said. "So, tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow night's cool." I nodded while sinking into the couch.

"A'ight, I'll see you then."

"See you then."

Hanging up, I leaned back into the soft cushions, and kicked up my feet. Thanks to Jess' surprise phone call, I was in a lighter mood. As I rubbed my eyes and looked in the direction of the door, flower petals that were spread on the floor caught my attention. I stared at it before walking to it. When I was hovering right above the fresh rose petals, I heard clatters come from another room. Following the pink and red trail, I arrived at the arch leading to the kitchen.

Looking up, I bit my lip to suppress a laugh. Sam was at the counter, with his back to me, chopping away while wearing a pink apron, complete with red polka dots and white, lace fringes.

Clearing my throat, I said. "I believe that's mine."

Putting down the knife, Sam swung around and gave a huge grin. "And I believe you've never actually worn it"

Moving towards him, I tapped my lip. "Hm, then, I guess you're officially the first person to flaunt that adorable piece."

"Am I doing it justice?"

Examining the pink lace bow on the front pocket, I nodded. "I would say so."

He threw a smile and turned my body around, nudging me towards the dining table at the corner of the room.

"Whatchu doing there?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Getting you to sit down and wait for dinner to be served."

"Fancy, I feel like a princess." I smiled up at him.

In response, he leaned down to give me a kiss.

His kiss sat on my lips with a familiar, warm aftertaste. It would have been fine, a sweet, chaste kiss, if it wasn't for the memory of Logan's lips against my forehead. How my skin tingled beneath them. How my heart stopped beating at the contact.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Halfway through dinner, my phone buzzed on the table. Thinking it might be an email from work, I reached for it. Candice's name appeared on the screen above a text message.

_You'll never guess what Amanda told me today._

I let out a chuckle. Candice was always exercising her gossip skills and never failed to share them with me.

"What is it?" Sam asked from across the table.

"Just Candice and her gossip." I put the phone down.

"What did she learn this time?" He shook his head in amusement.

Just then, another text came through.

_Sheena told Amanda what she overheard Christine say on the phone_

Knowing there was more to come, I told Sam. "Still waiting. You know her preamble before getting to the point."

Shortly, another message lit the screen. Sam watched as I grabbed my phone. Expecting another gossip about so and so's surgical enhancement, I read the message.

_Christine was talking to Peter's assistant, _

_that new girl with blonde highlights gone terribly wrong? _

_Anyway, apparently your lover boy's in town till Thurs! You HAVE to meet up ;)_

Every bit of blood drained from my face as I stared at the words. _What?!_ Logan's here? In New York? Reading the message several times before I remembered Sam's presence, my heartbeat quickened at every letter. _Rory_, breathe and calm down, my conscious scolded. Sam's watching you. Do something. Something normal.

I lifted my head and stared straight, my vision swimming before my eyes. Clearing my throat, I placed the phone with the screen down on the table.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, uh. Nothing." Swallowing my nerves, I looked down at my food.

Sam didn't press on and, instead, ate in silence. My body seemed to be in shock as my hands trembled over my plate. I focused hard on steadying them, afraid he would notice.

After several minutes, a cough broke the stillness, startling me. My body shot up as I looked at my boyfriend, noticing his tense features with his lips in a hard line. Oh my god, he knows. I don't know how, but he must know that it was Candice telling me about Logan. Irrational thoughts rang in my ears while we looked at each other without saying a word. Slowly, Sam relaxed his shoulders and gave a tight smile.

"So, is there anywhere you want to visit before we leave?"

His question, which took me by surprise, failed to register in my brain. However, the last few words stuck with a deafening force. Before we leave. We. Leave.

I was leaving for Australia in just two weeks, the reality of it hit me. I'll be thousands of miles from my family and friends. From my mom and Connie. _I'll never see Logan again._ Terror filled me as my chest constricted. I felt like I couldn't breathe. _But, he's back._ Logan's back.

Unable to form coherent thoughts, I licked my lips and continued to stare at the man across the table. His posture was just as still. His face was just as pale. Splinters pierced through my heart as I watched Sam. Sam, who always comforted and smiled at me, in that moment, was a motionless statue. I knew that he must know it. That I was getting scared. That I had doubts about our move. About us.

Slowly, I drew in my breath and then let it out. "Sam..."

His face tensed the slightest bit.

I had to ask. I had to know. "Are you sure about our move to Australia?"

After a brief silence, he collected himself. "Of course, I knew I wanted to be with you since the campaign. I wouldn't want to be away from you now."

"I just-"

"It'll be great." He leaned towards me. "We can sail under Sydney Harbor Bridge, walk through the Central Market. They have a ton of food that you'll love."

"That all sounds so wonderful, Sam." My sight was drowned in his sweet brown eyes. "But..."

His face was almost hopeful, before it fell. "But what?"

I didn't know. Trying to reason my fears into words, I said. "I just... I fear, maybe, we're moving too fast..."

A slow, long heave escaped his lips as he shook his head. When he faced me, his brows were scrunched over his eyes. "Three years, and you think we're moving too fast?"

I couldn't reply.

Hearing my silence, his face collapsed. He looked away and said. "I don't know what to say, Rory." When he turned back, the pain in his expression ripped through me. "I've done nothing for the past years, but try to make you happy. I don't know what else to do."

"Sam-" My hand reached for his that were on the table. He stiffened but didn't pull away. "It's not you. I love you. I really do." His expression didn't soften as I continued. "You're such an amazing boyfriend and, really, you're a lot better than I deserve. I know that." I looked down. "It's probably just some form of cold feet or something."

I heard him exhale as his arm slightly relaxed under my touch. He said. "If it's not me, then what is it?"

Hearing his voice so cold, hurt me more than I could have imagined.

"Rory, tell me." At his order, my head snapped up, my eyes locking with his so I couldn't escape. His jaws twitched as he asked. "Is it him?"

The simple question was a deadly sound, hanging in the air. Those three words floored me and everything in me crumbled. That was when everything I worked for in the past three years was instantly destroyed. Because in the silence, we both knew the answer. I failed, even after three years, to put Logan in the past. Here he was now, coming between Sam and me. And the worst part was, I didn't need to say a thing for Sam to know the truth.

Sam was the one to break our gaze. He sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair and, finally, stood up. He looked at me, all the light gone from his eyes, and said. "I'm not an idiot, Rory. I see it in your eyes, the way you look at him. I know you better than you realize." The chair screeched on the floor as he backed up. "But, I'll tell you this. I'll always be there for you. I wouldn't leave you or ever hurt you like he did."

Desperate to reach for him, I got up. "I know that, Sam." I tried to go to him, but he held his hand up, telling me to stay.

"Rory." He said the name softly. "Only come to me, come with me to Australia, if I'm really the person you love. If you truly see your life with me."

"Sam, I-" Unable to bear the pain in his eyes, I advanced further.

He backed away. "Think about it, Rory. As much as I love you, it's not fair to me if your heart's not completely in it." His head shook as he gestured to the phone sitting on the table. "If you're there thinking about someone else."

"I'm sorry..." A lump rose in my throat as I said those words. They were the only ones that came to mind. I couldn't tell him anything else, which broke me inside. I didn't know myself anymore. What I wanted, let alone, who I loved.

Sam's eyes softened before he clenched his jaws. He turned towards the door as he said. "Let me know when you've thought about it." In that moment, his expression was firm, but his eyes looked into mine with the faintest glint of hope.

I desperately wanted to grab him and tell him to stay. But, before I could reply, before I could reach out for his arm, he walked out the door.

It was the first time I could remember where he left me behind.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

The time ticked by as I stood there in the kitchen, looking down at the meal Sam spent hours preparing, just sitting there unfinished. Never in my life have I felt like a bigger failure. Not even when I was sitting in jail, waiting for my mom to bail me out. Three years ago, I failed to keep Logan. Three years later, even the one person who was always there for me, who I could always depend on, left.

After standing there until my legs went numb, I moved into the bedroom, wanting to crawl under the covers and disappear. When I got to my room, I opened the door only to freeze in my track.

Everywhere, from the floors to the tables surrounding my bed, were bundles of blue violets contouring the room. Their velvet, green leaves embraced the delicate petals, that were shades of pastel to deep blue. They were specks of vibrant colors spread over the dark wood flooring, painting the image of a clear, night sky. They were stars that would never fade.

_I'll always be true._

It was Sam and I's vow.

For the first time since April, I finally lived up to it. I let him see the truth.

I couldn't be with Sam. I couldn't get over Logan.

Realizing, and admitting it was the worst feeling in the world.

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

I feel that this was an important chapter where Rory finally comes to terms with her feelings. Also, Sam and her address the problems between them. (Poor Sam) How will Rory be able to officially tell him she can't be with him? The dinner with Jess tomorrow night will also be pivotal. Something big's coming up I promise :P

Please let me know what you think!

I apologize to those of you who were really confused/frustrated by the previous chapters. I'm learning how to use flashbacks and POV switches more effectively/less confusingly so, I can only use those knowledge for future stories. :)

Thanks for all your reviews and feedback. I really appreciate them and they help me in my writing, knowing what works and what doesn't. That way I can try to improve!


	20. Chapter Nineteen: Epiphany

❤ Chapter Nineteen ❤

Armies of raindrops fell from above, increasing their speed until they hit the cement, spilling their insides onto the ground. Explosions after explosions merged together, drowning the road around me in undistinguishable splatters. The rare summer shower quenched the city, cooling down the sun's heat. I stood outside my apartment, with my red umbrella over my head, searching for a sign of Jess' navy pickup truck. At least that was what he drove when I visited Philadelphia a year back.

The sound of moving tires across a stale pool of water assaulted my ears. Instinctively, I stepped away from the curb to avoid possible splashes. Safe from the small tidal wave, I looked up from the ground to see rolled down windows to the vehicle I was waiting for. In the driver's seat, a man with short dark hair, distinct sideburns contouring his face, and deep-set eyes waved to me. He nodded at me with a subtle, one-sided smile. Waving back, I rushed to the truck's door.

Closing my umbrella and giving it a firm shake, I climbed into the passenger seat.

"Hey, Jess!" Once I was seated comfortably, tucking my umbrella between my feet, I turn to him with a grin. "I'm so glad you're here." In my eyes, he looked the same as years ago in a casual button-down shirt and khaki shorts.

"Hey, Rory." He nodded, his face hiding a small smile. "Hope you didn't wait long."

"Nope, just very long." I teased and was met with a smirk. My smile grew wider. "So, where to now?"

"It's your neighborhood." He shrugged and looked past me at the window.

"Hm." I looked straight at the heavy rain pelting on the metal hood. "How 'bout some pizza? It's just around the corner."

"Sounds good." He nodded as he reached to turn the ignition. With the engine revving to life, we drove into the sheet of pouring rain.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

"Holy shit. Who raided this place?" Jess scowled at the packed pizzeria as we stood in line in front of the glass display. I knew what he meant, with the paper plates spilling over the garbage bins and bits of cheese dirtying the few empty tables along the walls.

"We could get it to go and eat at my place." I suggested.

In disgust, he shook his head at the packs of men sitting around the tables, their loud howls mingling with the noisy atmosphere. He frowned. "That might be a wiser option."

Almost smelling the sweat stains on the back of the men's shirts, I complained. "It's like a hundred degrees in here." Encouraging my neck to catch some air, I gathered my hair to one side. The tiny floor fans at the corners weren't exactly sufficient for a New York summer, especially if the place was this crowded. Many people were piling through the door, just to hide out from the rain.

"Why did we come here again?" Jess asked, keeping his eyes on the customers. I knew he had always been uncomfortable with crowds.

Trying to calm him down, I looked up at him with a grin. "Their pizza is the king of all pizzas. It's like Michael Jackson is to pop."

"Yeah, the image totally helps with my appetite." Sarcasm dripped from his voice as his lips curled slightly.

"You'll see." I patted his shoulder, confident in my taste buds.

He rolled his eyes and changed the topic. "So, you packed for the move? I'm still shocked you're going to Australia. That's a lot of distance between you and your mom."

At his question, my easy mood instantly vanished, replaced by flames rising up my neck. "Um, no, I haven't really packed yet."

He mocked a gasp. "Rory Gilmore is not on top of things?!"

I turned away from him and towards counter, pretending to busy myself with the four selections on display while forcing a chuckle through my throat.

"You're still going, aren't you?"

Moving forward to catch up with the line, I fanned my scorching face with a hand and let out an exaggerated breath. "Wow, it's really hot in here. Somebody should do something about those fans."

"Rory…" The deep, husky voice from behind warned me that I couldn't escape. "What happened?"

Oh god, I'm going to have to actually _talk _about it. Bracing myself, I looked back at Jess and mumbled. "Sam and I might have, kind of, sort of had a fight last night."

He pursed his lips and nodded slowly, his deep eye-sockets casting a shadow on his cheekbones. "Go on."

I frowned, thinking back to the things Sam said. "He…He…thinks there's something going on with me and Logan. Well, not going on with _him_, but mostly going on with myself… about my feelings for him." I didn't dare to breathe, afraid that Jess' response would only solidify what I realized last night. Admitting my feelings for Logan, even to myself, was still a scary task.

"I thought you said Logan left." He replied simply.

"He did. But, last night, Candice texted me in the middle of my dinner with Sam about how Logan's back 'til tomorrow. I obviously was caught off guard by the information and might have frozen in my seat, which alerted him." I finished weakly, not wanting to recall the details. "And, well… the rest was history." Even though I tried hard to not remember, Sam's paled expression came to me. It felt like a punch in the stomach.

Peeking through my lashes, I saw Jess continue to nod. "Sounds like he's right."

"What?" I looked up at him. How could he tell? Was I that obvious? Horror crossed my face as I realized he could probably see right through me. I felt exposed of every dirty secret, naked and on display. He probably knew that I was still hung up on Logan. My face felt even warmer than the heat radiating off the glass that's labeled "Caution: very hot".

"Your order, Miss?" A curt voice brought my attention to the lady behind the counter. Spilling your troubles to an ex could really speed up a line.

Praying my face wasn't a deep scarlet, I stuttered. "Um, I'll have two slices of Deluxe and a slice of Hawaiian. To go." Good thing I had a usual order since my brain was reeling with Jess' statement. The lady looked at my body up and down before typing the order into the cash register. I heard Jess chortle beside me before covering it up with a cough.

He came closer. "I'll have the same and add hers to my tab."

"Jess, you don't have to." I tried to object.

"It's fine. My going away present, though it sounds like you're not going away anymore." He sniggered.

I scowled at him. How dare he find my dilemma entertaining?

"Here you go." A pizza box slid across the counter. "That'll be twelve-ninety."

Jess pulled out some bills and placed it on the surface. After he received the change, he grabbed the pizza box and turned towards me with a smile of relief. "Now, let's get out of here."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

My body temperature somewhat returned to normal as Jess and I raced through the parking lot under my umbrella in the pouring rain. In the car, he continued to interrogate me. All my attempts at reversing the attention of the conversation to him failed. Therefore, by the time we parked by my apartment, I had confessed every detail of what happened between Logan and me in the past few months.

"Three months ago, you said even though Logan left, you're head over heels in love with Sam and you'll focus on him. What happened to that?" He searched my eyes, his sharp features jumping out at me under the early evening light. His face could easily be sculpted.

I sank into my seat, exasperated. "I do love Sam, but I also can't get over Logan." Frowning, I pouted. "There, happy?"

He shrugged. "Why would your relationship problems make me happy? Remind you that I've moved on since those high school days and no longer pine after the amazing Rory Gilmore."

My body shot up. I've found an opening. "Ohh, so, you've found yourself a girlfriend?"

"Nope, back to you." A wise smirk twitched his lips. "The question is 'are _you_ happy?'"

Scowling, I leaned back into the seat again. "Can we go upstairs now? My pizza's going stale."

"Nope, I'm not done thinking."

"Thinking about _what_?" I groaned. Clearly, I dealt with issues in really mature manners.

"You didn't answer my question, Rory."

My head turned against the headrest to face him. He asked, his eyes serious. "Are you happy?"

Biting my lip, I replied. "I use to be, before I saw Logan again. I was really happy with Sam. He's so great and loving. It's the most stable and healthy relationship I've had in my life. No offense to you-" Jess shook his head with a mocking scorn. "But, I can't stop thinking about Logan. I'm seriously messed up. There's probably fried wires tangling my brain." Frustration took over as I rambled on. "I mean, here's Sam wanting to spend his life with me and take me to an exotic and gorgeous country, while Logan left for California and says he can't be with me, yet all I do every day is sulk around and mope over Logan. Ughhhhh" I flung my arms in the air and crossed them in front of my chest.

Jess was contrastingly calm as he shrugged. "Don't they say you can't fight love? Like if it's meant to be, it should be natural?"

A laugh made its way through my gritted teeth. I turned to him. "_Wow_, those are very wise and cheesy words I never thought I'd hear you say."

"I'm a changed man." He smirks. "I'm just thinking. It's like us."

"What about us?"

He scrunched his face as if it was a torture to continue on this sentimental subject. "Well, I did love you, Rory. A lot. But, it was just never the right timing or place. It just never worked out." Puffing out his cheeks to let out a breath, he said quickly. "Maybe it's up to fate."

"Wow." I was speechless by his discourse. "I never, never, ever expected those words from you." With a slow smile spreading on my face, I looked at him. "You know I'm going to forever mock you about that?"

"Shut up." He muttered with a deep scorn, but the corners of his lips were lifted.

I let out a light laugh, and then sighed. "But, what you said would actually suggest Logan still has feelings for me or want to be with me."

"Doesn't he?"

"He sends all sorts of mixed signals. Like after the conference, or when we danced…" I blushed at the recollection, especially at the words he said that night by my bed.

Jess turned in his seat until he faced me squarely. "Don't you wonder why he's pulling away? If he doesn't love you why did he give you that bracelet, or hire you as his assistant just to steal time?"

"Okay, who are you?" I had to tease. This was so unlike Jess. "Now, you're just scaring me."

He frowned, his expression almost impatient. "Okay, fine, screw that. Just answer this. Are you happier when you're with Logan or with Sam?"

The answer that instantly popped into my thoughts hurt me. I felt like a terrible girlfriend towards Sam. I felt like a horrible human being.

Jess must have seen my answer because he said. "Look, I'm not his biggest fan." His eyes hardened along with his voice. "But, you do what makes _you_ happy."

"It's complicated…" I tried to explain the ache in my heart.

"Screw what other people think, Rory." Jess leaned towards me, his tone urgent. "Screw the right thing. It's your life. Do what you want."

"But-"

"What do you want?" His voice was raising, frustration now clear on the surface.

"I don't _know_." Agitated, I replied. Wasn't that my problem? I didn't know what I wanted.

"What do you want?!" He pressed on.

"I don't know!"

"Stop saying you don't know, and just tell me what you want." He demanded, his face folded into a firm scowl.

"I…I-" I shut my eyes before braving myself to say the words coursing through my blood, pounding to get out. Opening my eyes, I whispered. "I want to see him again." A knot formed in my throat when I heard my own words, realizing how true they were. There, I said it. I wanted to see Logan. I wanted to see what we could have. I wanted to know if he still loved me.

My confession didn't lighten the frown on Jess' face. He continued with annoyance in his voice. "Then, what the hell are you still doing here?"

"What?" My mouth was open as I gaped at him. What the heck was he so worked up for?

Rolling his eyes, he asked. "He leaves tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Then, go." His palm jabbed towards the truck door.

I stared at him, into his blazing eyes.

"Go see him, Rory." His slow words came through his teeth. "Don't be those damn idiots alone and miserable in their forties, thinking about what ifs."

What ifs. What if Logan's call reached me years ago? What if he still loved me? What if we did have a chance? I realized that I had to know. Those answers were critical. They would change the direction of my life in a heartbeat. With my heart pounding against my ribcage, I looked at Jess. My mouth opened, but my voice was drowned within the thumps. "You're right." I paused, and then repeated more softly. "You're right." I needed to see Logan. I needed to find out.

He bowed his head, the deep lines finally fading from his face, and nodded towards the door. "Now, go get him."

I sucked in the air around me, and nodded back. Turning to leave, I stopped and leaned towards him to give him a hug. His hand patted my back as I whispered by his ear. "Thanks, Jess."

When we broke apart, Jess gave a small, one-sided smile with his dark eyes boring into mine, as if telling me I was making the right choice. His voice was raspy as he said. "I'll see you around, Rory."

I smiled back, my stomach rumbling with anticipation for what I knew I needed to do. "See you around."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Jess' words were seeds planted into my head. With each passing second, it flourished into a giant tree, occupying my entire thoughts. I must talk to Logan. It was the only thought going through me when I reached my apartment unit. Throwing my keys on the couch, I ran to the desk by my living room window and rummaged frantically through the drawer for the tiny, rectangular card containing Logan's number. It has to be here. I know it's here. Please let it be here. Chanting the mantra in my head, I dug out the contents and dumped them onto the desk surface. While flipping through stationeries after stationeries, my eyes landed on the white card sticking out between a bundle of pens. _Aha._ My heartbeat quickened at just the sight. There it was. It contains the life altering information. Once I had that number and dialed it…I could find out… Reaching for the card, I told myself to be brave. That I could do it.

Sitting on my couch with my back straight, I held the number in front of me and breathed. To calm my nerves and avoid bailing, I forced the memories of Logan over the past few months into my head. I thought of when he asked me if I was seeing anyone the night at the party. When he draped a blanket over my chest as I slept in his office and felt his hand graze my hair. And, lastly, when he sat by my bed and whispered those words that I would never forget. _I didn't mean it when I said it was all or nothing. I'd rather have you any way I could._ He cared about me. He must care. With ragged breaths leaving my mouth, I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and held it by the card. Steadying my shaky fingers, I pressed the numbers.

The rings resounded against my ears while I used every bit of self-control to resist the urge to hang up. My heart was pounding so loud that it was almost impossible to hear, but I focused on counting the rings to occupy my flailing mind. Four. Five. _Beeep._ Logan's voicemail greeting came through. Panicked, I hung up before I could leave a ridiculously embarrassing message. Okay, okay. He's not answering. Should I call again? What if he sees that I'd been bombarding his phone? With my head roaring different suggestions at me, I was almost losing it. Shutting out all the voices, I got up and grabbed my keys. Without thinking about what I was going to do, I headed out the door with the card scrunched in my sweat-covered palm.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

It took twenty minutes to get to the tall, beige building in front of me. I stood there, my hand gripping the handle of my umbrella, and stared at the glass doors. The rain was slowing down with soft splatters on the ground, bouncing onto my bare legs that were exposed under my knee-length skirt. I gulped, realizing that this was what I was doing. I was putting myself right in Logan's territory. I was going to see him. Just like how I'd wanted.

_Oh my god._ What the heck was I doing here?! It's too late now, a firm voice pierced through the jumble of panic in my head. _You have to find out._ _Find out if he still loves you. _Determined, I squared my shoulders and stood up taller.

If everyone had to do something crazy, put themselves out there, once in their lives, then I choose this. I choose Logan.

Pushing my fears aside, I focused on the excited and anxious balls growing in my stomach. Walking towards the entrance, I thought of what I was going to say. I was going to face Logan, look him in the eyes and tell him that I came because I had to see him. I was going to ask him if he ever thought about me in the past years, if he thinks there's any chance between us now. I was going to ask if he still loves me. Butterflies spawned at the thought of his eyes. How his face would break into a smile if he gave me the answer I wished to hear. I couldn't help the feeling of hope rising in my chest. It was filled with warmth, which heated my heart.

When I stepped into the lobby, I was met with a doorman at the front desk. It was only fitting for the fancy decors around the walls and the chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. With sweat forming down my back, I walked up to him.

"Hi, I'm looking for Logan Huntzberger?" My voice was sharp in the empty space.

The man, sporting a thick, black moustache, gave a courteous smile. "Is Mr. Huntzberger expecting you?"

I bit my lips. "Um, no. I tried calling but he wasn't answering his phone."

"I can give his unit a call for you. Hold on, please."

I nodded as he picked up the receiver. If my heart thumped any harder, it might just fling out of my body and smash against the wall behind the desk. Through my nerves, I vaguely remembered hearing the entrance doors open and heels click on the marble floor.

The man hung up the phone and said. "I'm afraid he's not home. Maybe he just left."

"Oh. Okay, thanks." I stared at him. _Just left_ as in he might appear at the lobby in an instant? I swallowed hard at the possibility. Oh my god, I was going to see Logan and confess to him right in this lobby. His eyes and his smile flashed across my mind, making me yearn to see them in person.

"You can wait here for Mr. Huntzberger if you wish." The man smiled and waved to the couches on his right.

Before I could reply, a female voice chimed in. "Ohmigosh, you're waiting for Logan Huntzberger?"

As if caught red-handed in a despicable act, my body jerked around. In front of me was a tall woman who looked to be in her mid twenties with platinum blonde hair and an impressive set of breasts bulging through her dress. "Um, yes." I narrowed my eyes, trying to remember if I knew her. If she knew Logan, maybe I'd seen her before.

Her eyes lit up. "Oh cool! I'm waiting for him too." She grinned like that fact alone made us best friends.

"Okay…and you are?" I tried to fake a smile.

"Oh! Silly me, I forgot to introduce myself." She giggled and held out a hand.

I reached out and was caught in a never-ending, excited handshake. Without letting go, she beamed. "I'm Denise. I'm Logan's new fiancée."

_What?!_ My hand, along with my smile, froze at the last word. Staring at her with stings all over my face, I tried to move my mouth. "Uh, sorry, I might have heard that wrong. You're his what?"

Finally, she let go of my hand. "Fi-an-cée." The syllables rolled off her tongue slowly as if she thought I was challenged.

Seeing the overjoyed grin spread on her face, I forced my head to nod. No, no. This can't be. This girl was obviously delusional. Logan said he wasn't seeing anyone. How could he have a fiancée?

I quickly asked. "And we're talking about Logan Huntzberger? About this tall-" I placed my hand above my head. "With dark blonde hair, always wearing a suit...?" My voice trailed off as I saw her nod.

"Yeah, yeah." Her head bobbed up and down as her voice rang in my ears, along with a faint ping in the distance.

Suddenly finding it hard to breathe as the situation hit me, Logan's words filled my head and resounded off every corner.

_I think it's best for there to be a line between us._

_Too much has happened._

_I'm not the same person anymore and couldn't give you anything even if you were single_.

My legs were quaking as a million thoughts ran through me. Was this what he meant? Did he let me assume he was single? Was he lying to me the whole time?

Stuttering, I backed away, failing to keep steady and almost tripping in the process. "Okay, it was, um, nice meeting you." Taking a final look at the woman, her makeup laden face and stick thin body, I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. "I have to go."

I turned and ran towards the door. All the knots in my stomach bunched together and twisted sharply until I had to clench my waist to keep from screaming in pain. Just when I reached the door and threw myself against it, an echo in the room halted me.

"Ace?"

At the sound of his voice, tears pricked my eyes and the pain in my abdomen intensified. Drops of rain from the air landed cold on my skin as I stood there with my back to the voice and the door half-open. Only hesitating for a brief second, I moved my feet and bolted out the door.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

With my umbrella dangling in my hand, I channeled all my strength into my legs as I ran out into the flooding driveway. Heavy footsteps followed me.

"Rory!" Splat. Splat. Splat.

"Rory!"

His voice boomed over the rhythmic sounds of water hitting the puddles.

"Wait!" The sound was so loud that I stopped.

Spinning around, I yelled. "What?!"

Logan was running towards me with splashes soaking his jeans and spots draining his shirt. "Rory…" He slowed down a few feet away and started walking.

Breathing heavily, I backed up, wanting to bolt again. As if reading my mind, he held out his arms in caution, willing me to stay.

I watched him come closer until he was before me. This was what I wanted, I thought. To see him. But, now, seeing him only made me cringe in disgust. I wanted to collapse my body onto my knees right there and scream, to rid of the piercing agony in my stomach. I never felt such hatred in my life. All my hopes were murdered by that hideous bimbo with half a pea for a brain. Logan lied to me. I came all the way to find out he was lying all along. I literally wanted to shove him, or do anything but watch him stand there, his face twisted into a torturous expression and his eyes hanging at the corners.

His chest rose and fell in a speedy rhythm as he said softly. "Rory…what are you doing here? Why did you come?" His jaws clenched. "It doesn't matter." He grabbed my wrist. "I'm so glad you're here. I wanted to see you."

I twisted my hand away. "I'm such a frigging idiot, Logan." I cringed at my hoarse voice. "I shouldn't have come. I don't know what I was expecting. But, don't worry, I'll just go now and leave you to your date."

Backing away, my shoulders were caught by Logan's hands, forcing me in place. "She's not my date." His voice was urgent. "Don't go. I was going to go see you. I debated for days, but realized it didn't matter. I had to see you, Rory. I missed you so much."

"Really? You're saying this now?" I jabbed at the direction where the woman was, his self-proclaimed fiancée, while ignoring the stir in my heart.

"What?" His face was confused as he turned over his shoulder. Then, he turned back, his hands falling to his sides. "I don't even know- Ugh." He wiped his face roughly, drops of water rolling down the back of his hand, before looking into my eyes. "Forget about that, I needed to see you to tell you some things, and that's what I'm going to do." Tentatively, he stepped closer. "I realized we can make it through, Ace. I hate being without you. I can't stand that you're with someone else. I have to have you, no matter what it takes."

My brain swung against my head, dizzying me. What the hell was he saying? What about all those times he said he couldn't give me anything? That he was different now? "You really think this is the time to say that, Logan?" My voice rose, wavering at the end.

He held my arms and leaned forward, as if begging me to hear him out. "We can work it out, all the problems in the past. I can wait for you, for whenever you're ready. No more ultimatums or pushing you into doing something you're not ready for."

My heart twisted at those words. It would have been everything I wanted to hear two, three years or even ten minutes ago, before everything changed. The cold rain against my skin unfroze me as frustration boiled over. I shrugged out of his grip, and said. "This would have been what I wanted to hear a long time ago, but now? It's just too late, Logan…" I gestured to the door. "You have a frigging anorexic model in there claiming to be your fiancée and you say _this_?" No longer able to look at him, I bowed down and tried to open the umbrella in my hand. I needed to do something besides look at him. I needed to get out of here.

"No, she's not my-"

"I don't want to hear it." I was past rational, past explanations. A thousand emotions pulsed through me, but all I could focus on was opening the damn umbrella and getting out of there. With shaky fingers, I pressed on the latch, but it just wouldn't budge.

"Just listen to me-"

"No, stop." My voice was a plea. I was desperate as I fussed over the thing in my hands. I was a complete fool to think he was single and waiting around for me. But, he didn't need to lie to me. To embarrass me like this. For me to find out from that girl, I wanted to be swallowed up into the ground and disappear.

"_Rory_…"

"Stop saying my name!" My head snapped up as tears stung my eyes.

For a split second, Logan looked taken aback. Anger rose in my throat as fast words fled my mouth. "You just waltz back into my life after three frigging years of not even a single phone call. With different brunettes and blondes as dates or fiancées or god knows what. Then, you tell me you're glad I came all this way in the frigging rain looking for you and making a fool out of myself in front of that bimbo fiancée of yours that you never mentioned?!"

"Rory-" He looked exasperated, but I was unraveling and couldn't stop.

"Would it have been that hard to let me know? Oh, right it mustn't have come up in our talks. Oh wait, how about the time I asked if you were seeing anyone? You didn't think you could have just said 'Yes, yes I am. In fact, I'm _engaged_'?!"

With a pain stabbing my chest, I ripped my glare away from Logan and hastily reached down to pull at the umbrella one more time. "What the hell is wrong with this thing?!" I sniffed and wiped at the water dripping down my forehead.

Feeling more and more thoughts crowd my brain, I couldn't control the words that came out my mouth. Without looking at him, I said. "I spent two frigging years crying over you. The least I deserve is the truth."

I heard Logan let out a heavy sigh before he said my name. When I continued to ignore it, he shouted. "Rory!"

Startled, my head snapped up and my eyes locked with his. "What?!"

"I still love you!" He bellowed into my face as water dripped off his hair and onto his cheeks. His eyes looked into mine, the caramel in them bloodshot and moist.

Stunned, my eyes brimmed with a scorching burn. Watching the rain wet his face, I shouted back the one thing in my head. "You have a fiancée!"

We stared at each other, soaking in his confession and my absurd reply. Then, Logan bowed and shook his head. "She's really not my fiancée, Ace. I don't even know her. My father's been setting me up with these damn dates-"

"So, she's your dad's approved fiancée?"

"Yes, no - I don't know. It doesn't matter." He came even closer, reaching for me.

My head shook as I avoided his gaze, but I let his hands hold onto me. They were trembling against my arms. Feeling his erratic breath on my face, warming my cold skin, I said. "You're right. You're right. It doesn't matter." My voice broke as strength drained out of me.

I sucked in the air through my lips while I looked up at him, no longer suppressing the tears pooling in my eyes. "You're not my boyfriend so, yeah, you don't owe me any explanations. It doesn't matter that I spent three frigging years trying to get over you. Then, realizing I failed." My voice cracked. Intaking air into my parched throat, I continued. "And it _also_ doesn't matter that you're still all I think about. That my two years of crying wasn't frigging enough to get you out of my-" Sobs escaped as I wiped fiercely at my cheeks.

"Ace..." Logan closed his eyes without another word.

Unable to stand the look on his face, I shoved his hands away from me. His body recoiled but stayed close. I inhaled, choking on water, and said. "I'm the stupidest girl on Earth to still wish you were here after you left again, that you were the one I woke up to everyday, that you were the one I was committing to."

Heaves were racking my chest when I was done. Determined to leave before I lost all dignity, I grabbed my umbrella and jabbed the trigger hard, causing it to spring open. With my umbrella by my side, dripping water onto my legs, I glanced up at Logan as he was quiet.

His hair was now plastered and soaked on his forehead as water dripped down his chin. He looked so helpless as he closed his eyes for a second as if my words inflicted pain. Then, his jaws twitched as his eyes pierced into my gaze, before he leaned closer and grabbed the sides of my face in his palms, wet and warm against the pulse in my neck. Before I knew it, before I could jerk away, Logan's lips crashed into mine. The move numbed me, my hand releasing the umbrella and letting it skitter away in the wind. Without thinking, my eyes closed as his lips burned into me, the cool rain mixed with warm flesh imprinting my soul.

When I could think over the buzz in my head, when I understood what was going on, my hands found his chest and tried to push him away. His hold around my face only tightened as his body pressed into me, trapping my arms. No longer able to struggle, my fingers gripped his shirt, squeezing the soaked fabric and feeling the water trickle through. But, despite my protests, my eyes remained closed as his lips moved against mine, in a smooth, familiar way that sent all my blood cells scurrying into my brain. Neurons fired in ten thousand directions, lighting my skin on fire.

The hard, cold rain was picking up speed, splattering onto my face and body, only to sizzle off my skin. I couldn't care anymore, feeling him on me. This close. All the muscles in my body took over and I let go. I gave in.

_Logan is kissing me._ The sentence was waves pushing further and further into my thoughts, eventually overpowering all others. Every beat of my heart moved my lips against his. Strength left my hands as I released his shirt. My head tilted back, embracing his sweet, soft lips with mine. He was kissing me like I was air and he was suffocating on land. I could taste every emotion behind his confessions. I could taste the need pouring out of his heart.

Loosening his hold, Logan's hand traveled to the back of my neck, cradling the nape while his thumb brushed my hair. His other hand grabbed my waist, squeezing me into him such that I tilted my head further to deepen the kiss, welcoming his tongue into me. Shivers rang down my spine as my hands grabbed his chest. My nails dug into his skin to keep from squirming under the electricity running through me.

In that moment, there were no other people in the world. There were no feelings I was afraid of, or needed to hide. All I felt was Logan's body, hard against me, and his lips feeding off the addiction in our kiss. With the way he held me, gentle but firm, and the way we kissed, starving with desires, a sudden realization clicked in my brain. It was a shock to my system and, perhaps, the closest to an epiphany I've had in my twenty-six years.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Logan will always be in my heart. From the day he entered my life, he would forever be part of me. It was embedded beneath my skin. Encrypted in my DNA. Like every organ in my body, it was part of who I am. I couldn't be rid of them. I couldn't live without them. I have brown hair, blue eyes and, no matter what, I will always love Logan deep down in my heart.

* * *

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	21. Chapter Twenty: The Question

❤ Chapter Twenty ❤

I love him. There were no longer any doubts about that. The realization hit me so hard that it knocked everything out of me. From then on, my mind was blank and I could only focus on his lips, my heartbeat and our bodies pressed together.

When we broke apart from the kiss, I was panting through parted lips. Logan's hands cradled my cheeks as he held my forehead to his. I kept my eyes closed, taking in his every breath, afraid that if I opened them, I would find out it was all a dream. With my hands still gripping his chest and the rain soaking our bodies, we stayed like that for an eternity.

"God, I missed you so much, Ace." His whisper was warm breaths washing over me.

My face couldn't help but fold as emotions flooded in. I held onto him tighter, clenching his shirt. All I wanted to do was listen to his voice. If this was a dream, maybe it would last longer if I didn't speak.

"Ace, look at me." His hand moved to my chin, lifting it gently.

I looked up into a pair of moist, brown eyes, brimmed by light lashes that were donned with drops of rain. Being so close, I saw every dark fiber weaving through his irises, and his charcoal pupils taking me in. To think I was away from those eyes, my heart ached once more.

Logan wiped my wet cheeks with his thumbs as his shoulders hunched down until he faced me, eye to eye.

"Do you want to go inside?" His tone was cautious. "You need to get changed, or you'll get sick."

Looking at his worried expression, I could only nod.

At my response, his jaws relaxed. With a faint curl of his lips, he straightened himself and reached for my hand, his palm thawing my frozen flesh. My hand folded easily into his while he led me towards the building, tentative at first as he looked back at me, as if seeking my confirmation. Slightly weak in the knees, I tried to follow him without crumbling to the ground.

We walked side by side with our footsteps sloshing in the puddles. Filling the silence was the sound of running water under the drains by the road. With the tranquil, rhythmic sound and Logan's warm, gentle hand, I felt like everything will be alright. Walking soaked in the rain didn't get better than this.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

At the entrance, Logan held the door for me while I stepped inside. The sudden, cool air in the the lobby hit me, making me shudder. I felt an arm wrap around my back and looked up to find him next to me. He looked almost shy as his hand rubbed some heat into me, sedating my shivers. I gave a small smile in return.

"Ohmigosh! Are you guys alright?" With her heels clicking, Denise hurried towards us.

My heart sank as reality poked its ugly head. Oh great, it's her again.

Logan's arm tensed. "What are you still doing here?"

Denise appeared to be scrunching her face, but the areas around her forehead were rigid. "You told me to wait here."

Through gritted teeth, Logan said. "I told you to leave."

"But, your father said you're taking me to dinner. He said we're having steak." Her eyes rounded, looking hurt. "I can't have steak, but that's okay. He didnt know. There's always sala-"

"Since you're so close with my father-" Logan's cold voice caused my head to turn to him. "You can tell him that I'm done with his shit."

Denise's mouth hung open as she stared at him. She stuttered. "But, but, he promised me I was taken care of tonight."

"Sounds like he's the one you're in a relationship with." His arm left my back as his hand found mine. Eyes blazing, he said to her. "Enjoy your dinner with him." Then, he looked down at me and murmured. "Let's go, Ace."

"Whaa? You can't do that to me!" Denise whined, but Logan was already leading me away. I glanced over my shoulder and saw her stomping her foot, her full lips pouting furiously above her chin.

Then, she screamed, causing Logan to stop. "I'll tell my dad and he won't go easy on your family!"

He turned around, his body stiff beside mine, and said in a low voice. "Threats don't work on me. I'm surprised my father didn't tell you that."

Before I could wonder about the exchange, Logan pulled me towards the elevator with my hand firmly in his.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Logan and I didn't break contact on the way to his unit, whether it was in the elevator or walking down the quiet hall, he held my hand the entire way. I was thankful for my blank conscious as I would, no doubt, be a mess if my brain cells were working at the time.

Arriving at his door, I watched as he opened it. His skin was glistening with beads of water gathered on his hairline and chin. His features were somewhat tense, as if my presence made him anxious. At his subtle display of nerves, I relaxed slightly. He was affected by me, the thought stirred my heart.

When the door opened, Logan gestured me in. I gave a quick nod before entering the foyer. Incandescent lights shone from the corners onto the bleak, white walls. The place was as sterile as his office, with a pair of black, leather armchairs entrapping a small glass table and a leafy, green plant, sitting in a corner. I stood in the center with my hands tugging at my soaked shirt.

"You can take a shower and change." Logan's soft voice echoed in the room as he walked towards an archway to my left.

I followed him. "Okay, thanks."

His head turned to me. "I'll provide an official tour of mi casa afterwards."

Seeing the small smile on his lips, I replied. "I look forward to it."

After weaving through an enormous living room and kitchen, we arrived at a hallway. He opened the second door to my right and flicked on the lights. Inside was a bathroom with pale grey walls and brown marble counters. White towels hung by the mirror, while a lone beige soap bar sat in a steel crate beside the double sink.

"You can freshen up here. I'll grab you some dry clothes." Logan gave a warm smile before disappearing from the doorway.

When he was gone, I observed myself in the mirror and cringed. Clearly, making out in the rain wasn't good to me. My brown locks, full of deadly tangles, were plastered against the sides of my head. My eyes were swollen and bloodshot above the trails of water caked on my cheeks. I was afraid to dwell on whether they were from tears or rain. If the encounter with Denise downstairs hadn't thrown me back to reality, seeing my reflection certainly did. I realized where I was, and what happened minutes ago.

Logan and I kissed. And, now, I was in his apartment. The realization should have scared me. I should be hyperventilating and freaking out about what I had done, but, instead, all I could think about was this. I was in Logan's apartment. I wonder how many girls have been here? How many have used this bathroom?

"This was all I could find. I hope you don't mind."

I jumped at the voice, turning my back against the counter. Logan entered and stopped before me.

"Sorry to startle you." His eyes crinkled as he smiled. "I don't want you to get sick, but I only have these that you could wear." He looked apologetic, maybe even embarrassed, as he held out a bundle of grey and pale blue.

I took it and said. "It's fine. Anything will do."

Blush crept up my cheeks when I realized they were his. I could smell his familiar scent coming off the fabric. The thought of putting them on reminded me of his body against mine. My face flushed some more.

When I looked up from the clothes, my eyes locked with Logan's. He examined me, before he took a step closer. Knowing I was stuck, with the edge of the counter against the small of my back, my heart awakened and fluttered at full speed.

Softly, he said. "I'm glad you're here, Ace."

Swallowing, I didn't make a sound, afraid that my voice would crack at any attempt.

He licked his lips. "I just need you to know that."

Caught in his gaze and those sweet, sweet words, he was all I knew in that instant. And he was enough.

Slowly, his hand reached to cup the side of my face. The touch sent chills down my neck, all the way to my tailbone. My eyes closed briefly as I leaned into his palm. _It was so warm._

We watched each other with a hint of fear in his eyes. I knew we were both scared to get too close. Scared of what it could lead to. But, as time passed and we remained lost in each other's gaze, Logan started leaning closer, cautiously at first, until his face was hovering before mine. Erratic breaths left my throat while my brain was lost at sea, staying afloat on the sensations coming from my stomach. Almost tasting the air escaping his lips, I let my eyes close. Hearing Logan's breathing accelerate, my heart thumped even louder. Finally, after what felt like a hundred years, his lips met mine.

The kiss started out slow, a tentative gesture, as his hand held my cheek. Then, his other hand grabbed my waist. My insides clenched when his body pushed into me. My back nudged into the counter while I swayed backwards, only supported by his firm hold. With his clothes in my hand, I wrapped my arms around his neck. Catching me by surprise, his palm spread against my back and squeezed me into him, deepening our kiss. Shudders went through me as I squirmed, letting the clothes fall to the ground. My hand, now free to roam, went into his hair, feeling it between my fingertips. All my senses were buzzing with the heat from his hand burning through my shirt, and into my bones. There was no way I could think straight when my insides were melting. But, I was trying hard to.

I couldn't do this to Sam, a voice squeezed through the hormones drowning my brain. He was waiting for my answer. He deserved to know. Though I focused hard on those words in between the pulses in my stomach, a whimper escaped when Logan gripped my hips. My breathing sped up and my mind was consumed by desire once more.

"God, you smell so good, Ace." Logan whispered against my skin as he started feathering kisses down my jaw and neck.

I was panting, desperate for air to fill my brain. "Logan..."

His kisses were urgent, taking in the flesh below my ears.

"Wait..." I forced the sound out of me, but my voice was so weak. "Logan- Wait..."

With his hands remaining on me, his body slumped, his face sinking into my neck. For several seconds, he stayed still while his chest rose and fell against me, breathing warmth onto my skin.

I swallowed hard and squeezed my eyes shut. Despite my muscles screaming at me, I breathed. "I can't..."

Slowly, Logan pulled back.

Trying to catch my breath, I leaned over. I had to hold onto the cool marble to steady myself.

Facing me, his eyes, a powerful black hole, searched mine, sucking away all my strength. His breathing was ragged as he said. "I'm sorry." A sigh came out as he shook his head.

Feeling the warmth of his hands leave my body, I fought the urge to pull him back. "No, I- I'm sorry. I just can't...right now..."

"I know..." His expression softened into a look of guilt. "I understand."

He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled as he stepped back. I could tell he was trying hard to collect himself.

Then, he looked down and picked up the clothes sprawling on the floor. Placing it on the counter, he said gently. "You should get in the shower and warm up."

My body was already boiling, but I nodded.

"Okay." He looked at me like he didn't know what to do. "I'll see you in a bit."

After he left and shut the door, I sank down with my body shaking, suddenly freezing as if he was my sole source of heat. I stayed there for a while, trying to calm my uneven breaths.

I almost couldn't stop myself, I thought. I almost gave in.

It scared me to death the effect he had on me. I realized that was part of the reason I was hiding for so long. I always needed to be in control. But, with Logan, it was impossible.

With trepidation catching up to me, I thought of bailing. But his fierce voice in the rain, yelling those four words, rang in my mind. They were the answer to the question I had for so long. _He still loves me. _And I knew I love him.

With the thought of Logan leaving tomorrow, and the many questions left unanswered, I was determined to figure them out tonight. I needed to know. I wasn't going to run. Eventually getting a hold of myself, I got up and headed for the shower.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

I stepped out of the bathroom, self-conscious in Logan's dress shirt and sweat pants, and peeked down the hall. A faint light came from my left and I followed it, practically tip-toeing on the wood floors. As I got closer, the scent of coffee in the air greeted me and I noticed the light from the open kitchen opposite of the living room. I turned out of the hallway and found Logan sitting at a small, rectangular table against the wall. Along with the cabinets and counter tops beside him, the table was a metallic black.

He looked up from his newspaper and smiled at me. His blonde hair was tousled and damp on his head, while he wore a plain, white T-shirt and black shorts. My heart flipped three-hundred and sixty degrees at the sight. He looked exactly the same as when we would have breakfast together back at Yale.

"Hey, I made you some coffee." As he spoke, his eyes subtly traveled down my body, before meeting my gaze. I felt heat rise through me, remembering our previous tryst.

"Thanks." I murmured. With the way he was looking at me, it was probably not safe to edge closer, but I walked over and sat down across from him nevertheless.

A mug filled to the brim was on the table in front of me. Feeling his gaze, I grabbed it and took a slow sip. When I couldn't stall any longer, I put down the mug and looked up.

To my surprise, he looked almost as nervous as I felt. I guess, with his leaving hanging in the air, we both didn't know how to go about the inevitable conversation.

Uncomfortable in the silence, I said. "So..."

He pursed his lips. "So."

The single word stumped me. I didn't know what to say.

Logan started, his tone gentle but firm. "You didn't answer me earlier. Why did you come today, Ace?"

"I wanted to see you." Embarrassed by my confession, I quickly added. "Candice said you were in town. She heard from Sheena who heard it from Christine. Or it might have been the other way around." Great, I was rambling again.

Reaching for the mug in front of him, his eyes bored into mine as his lips twitched. "But, then, you ran away?"

Hearing him put it that way, I felt so childish. "I- I freaked out when Denise said she's your fiancée."

His brows knitted together. "Don't listen to her. It's all my dad's doing."

Remembering what Denise said in the lobby, my curiosity peaked. "What's he doing?"

"Well, it's become his hobby in the last years to set me up on blind dates." He looked tense talking about it.

"Why a sudden interest in your social life?" I frowned, trying to make sense of his words.

Glancing at me from his coffee, he let out a deep breath. "I believe his exact words were 'I don't care what you do with your career but you must marry and carry on the family name'"

Oh. Mitchum wanted him to marry. I gulped, knowing what Logan must be thinking. If I'd accepted his proposal, he wouldn't be in this situation. Whether his family would have even approved, I suppose, was a different problem.

"But, why Denise?" I asked.

"Denise, Sandra, Holly. They're all the same to my father." His jaws clenched. "He only cares about their surnames, basically, what their family can bring for his business."

Though gradually understanding Mitchum's intentions, many factors still puzzled me. "But, he's the most powerful man in the industry..."

"For now, yes." his eyes hardened. He paused, as if debating whether he should continue. Then, he said. "The company's been having some problems with a decrease in readership, and a rise in competition from online media."

I nodded. Working for a small newspaper name, I knew all about the increasing hardship.

"So, my father's desperate to get on good terms with powerful figures who can help him stay on top."

"And you marrying their daughter is the way to go?" The thought made my stomach reflux.

"Apparently." He pursed his lips.

Watching Logan intently, his face not giving anything away, my brows creased with worry. "Would your family be okay even with the problems?"

He sighed as he looked down at the table. "Finance wise, we'll be fine. But, you know my family. Face and status are more important than anything else."

Nodding, I wasn't surprised that his family was controlling his relationships. But, picturing Logan on dates with girls like Denise, acid boiled in my stomach. Trying to sound as casual as possible, I said. "If you're constantly being set up on dates, you must have seen quite a variety." With sweat forming down my neck, I looked him in the eyes. "Did you ever like any of them?"

Knowing Logan, I was fully expecting him to give a smirk, being amused at my question. Therefore, I was caught off guard by the way his jaws hardened and his eyes tensed. It's been three years, of course he's liked other girls, my conscious scolded. Then, the only name that I know of from his life in California popped into my mind. Amelia. Remembering the vague answers he gave me when I'd asked about her, my heartbeat quickened.

Everything Logan did from that point on played in slow-motion before me. Awaiting his response felt like the longest time I'd spent watching anyone.

Taking a long sip of his coffee, his eyes left my gaze. When he finally placed the mug on the table, he just stared at it, for several seconds, with his mouth in a hard line. I watched him and the feeling of dread in me grew. I was desperate to decipher his expression.

With his eyes never leaving the table, he nodded slightly, before his head lifted and his eyes met mine. They were translucent layers of caramel masking a thousand emotions. Somehow, I felt I saw guilt, regret and pain all at once. I had no idea what to make of them.

Logan was silent for so long that his voice startled me, sending my heart into a frenzy. He said. "Rory... I was going to find you today to ask you to be with me."

Unable to process his words, I stared at him.

"But, I needed to tell you something before you made a choice." Taking a deep breath, he continued. "There's something you need to know... It's about Amelia."

My pulse stopped at the name, and I had to mentally check that I was still breathing. Alarms went off in my head, loud and hostile. Without hearing myself, I asked. "What about her?"

He pulled his chair until it was next to mine. Then, he grabbed my hands and looked me straight in the eyes. They were pleading, which only made my heart clench further. "Before I tell you what happened, I need you to know that in the past three years, I never stopped loving you."

When I didn't respond, he continued. "I made some shitty choices, but just keep that in mind." Licking his lips, he looked down at our hands that were bound together, sitting on his lap. Softly, he said. "I was a mess, Rory. I was so angry about what happened with us, so irritated by my father's constant pestering, and-" He swallowed. "Amelia kept me sane."

Seeing his vulnerable expression, and how he couldn't even look at me, my heartbeat softened. "Logan... We weren't together. You shouldn't feel guilty about being with someone else."

He shook his head. "It's not just that." Looking up at me, he said. "We were engaged."

A lump formed in my throat. Of course. His father was setting him up for marriage, not play dates after all. I was stupid to not realize it. "Are you still...?"

"No." He answered quickly, tightening his hold on my hands. "No. We're over."

I was nodding. Remembering the text I saw on Logan's phone, I found my voice. "But, you still keep in touch?"

His body hardened below my hands. "We're friends, but that's it."

"Okay." My voice was sharp.

"Ace, please believe me. There's nothing going on between us now. She's a good friend of mine." He stopped. "She's actually the one who convinced me to go see you."

"Okay."

"Ace...?" Logan titled his head and examined my face. I was probably as pale as the white walls in his foyer.

"Okay, yeah. I'm fine." I withdrew my hands from his and tucked my hair behind my ear.

Breathing in as he wiped his face with his hand, his leaned back against his seat. "You don't look fine, Ace."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I sat up. "No, really. I mean, yeah, you didn't stop loving me, so you proposed to her." My head bobbed up and down. "That's totally normal. It's fine."

He glanced to the side before looking back at me. His tone was earnest as he said. "Ace, it really meant nothing. I-"

"Why did it end?" The thought came to me.

Instantly, Logan's face paled. He looked taken aback by those simple words. I tried to brace myself for his reply, but I was clueless as to what it could be. From the look on his face, I knew I couldn't prepare for the answer even if I tried.

For the longest time, he just stared at me. Before my eyes, I saw all his fronts crumple down. Whatever memory the question elicited stripped him bare. The expression on his face was unlike anything I'd ever seen from him. As if he was forced to watch torturous images play before him. His eyes were so pained. So raw. Seeing him like that, I wanted to retract my question just to rid of this moment.

My hand reached out and touched his arm that was stiff on his lap. Tears came to my eyes when he didn't respond. Terrified of his silence, I whispered. "Logan?"

Startled, his gaze met mine. Slowly, he said. "She was pregnant."

Although the answer brought a stab into my heart, I held his gaze, letting him know it was okay to say more.

"After a few months, I, I couldn't take it." Lowering his head into his hands, his voice cracked. "I yelled at her to leave, and-" He shook his head. "She was driving, and there was this drunk asshole..."

A soft gasp came out my mouth as my body froze. Goosebumps traveled through my skin. "Oh my god... is the..."

"I killed the baby." He said it like it was a statement he woke up to everyday. Like it was a callus on his skin.

Looking up at me, his eyes bloodshot, he said. "She never loved anyone before. Only that baby, and me. And, I killed it."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

Please let me know what you think!

Next chapter will be a flashback of Logan and Amelia, 1 year ago, showing everything that happened leading up to the miscarriage. Yay many of you guessed it right.

That will be the last flashback in the story, so please bear with me! :) After that, things shouldn't be confusing anymore and the story will be focused on Logan and Rory re-developing their relationship. Of course, Rory will have to talk to Sam too.

There are a couple chapters left until the end. I'll let everyone know when the last chapter is coming up. There will also be an epilogue.

I want to thank those readers who were confused at some point or are still confused but stuck with the story. I thoroughly planned all the chapters of the story right from the beginning, and kept with the plot. I didn't know it would become confusing, so basically my poor planning is to blame. For my next story, I'll know better. :) Thanks for all your reviews, and follows!


	22. Chapter Twenty-One: Diseased

❤ Chapter Twenty-One ❤

**_Logan_**

**One year ago**

Over the year that I met Amelia, many things changed. I was engaged, for six months now. I no longer worked on Saturdays. Instead, we took morning jogs on the beach and went on weekly hikes. Being with her, my life was a bit better. Heck, as good as it could get after the only girl you love rejected your proposal.

One more thing changed. The presidential campaign was over. I no longer read Rory's articles every morning. I no longer knew where she was. What she was doing. Or who she was with. Our ties were completely cut.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

Now, on a Saturday, Amelia and I were lying in bed, watching the morning news. We were supposed to hike the Black Mountain today, but she wasn't her chirpy self and sat in bed until the sun was hanging above the ground. She had seemed unwell for a week now, but wouldn't tell me what was wrong.

"We still have time to go if you want." I said with my eyes on the TV. When I didn't get a reply, I turned to look at her. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hollow cheeks looked even thinner than usual. "How are you feeling?"

At my words, her face scrunched as she held onto her stomach. She hopped off the bed and ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. The sound of dry heaves came from within.

Worried, I got up and walked to the door. Knocking gently, I asked. "Are you okay?"

More belches and gags were her response. Wincing at the sound, I opened the door and stepped inside. The smell of expelled stomach content filled my nostrils, causing me to hold my breath. Despite the nauseous scent, my concern held me in place. Amelia was kneeling over the toilet, her pale hand clenching the edge of the bowl, and the other hand holding her hair onto a side.

I went to her side and stood there, unsure of what to do. Patting her back gently, I watched her pant until her body stopped quaking. Tearing some tissue, I passed it to her. After she wiped her mouth, with a shaky hand, she reached to flush the toilet. As if the task tired her out, her body rocked back until she was sitting on the balls of her feet. I've never seen her so weak.

"Heck, Nia, what the hell did you eat last night?" I frowned. "Maybe it's stomach flu or something. You should really see a doctor."

Her eyes glanced up to shoot me a look. Ignoring me, she tried to push herself up. I quickly grabbed her arms and held her. She seemed to have lost some pounds, which was a scary thought considering her skinniness.

"What are you doing?" I asked as she made her way to the counter and started flipping through the drawer.

She pulled out a small paper box and slid it open. I recognized it as her birth control pills. Bemused, I watched as she knitted her brows and started muttering to herself, while counting on her fingers. Then, she tensed, staring down at the pills in her hands. After several seconds, she shrugged out of my hold and moved to the sink to rinse her mouth. Her moves were rushed, causing splatters of water to land around the sink.

"What's going on?" My voice rose above the sound of the running water. Her silence alerted me. If there was one thing she was good at, it was talking.

Without replying, she turned off the faucet and wiped her face on a towel. Before I could catch her arm, she headed out the bathroom door.

"What the hell?" I yelled after her as I caught up. She was already pulling on a pair of shorts and grabbing her purse.

Following her into the living room, I felt my patient decrease. As she reached the front door, I yelled. "Amelia!"

She stopped, and turned to face me. Her expression was that of terror.

"Where are you going?" My tone softened while nerves started bundling in my stomach at the sight. I had no idea what the hell was going on.

Staring blankly at me, she said. "I just remembered I've to get something from the store."

I watched her, frozen in her spot and her eyes wider than I'd ever seen them.

As if caving under my stare, her lips twitched into a tight smile. "I'll be right back."

With that, she opened the door and slipped out.

After she left, I went to the bathroom and examined the birth control pills she was fussing with, thinking it must be something to do with that. Pulling out the box, I saw that there was half a pack left. Under the last pill, three letters indicated that it should be taken on a Tuesday. But, today was a Saturday, the thought fired an alarm. How the hell did she miss four days?

The puking, her panic, and going to the store were red flags that instantly tightened my stomach. I tried to remember the last time she was on her period. Hell, it sure wasn't recent as I had no recollection of it.

A sense of dread slowly crept up my body. My chest constricted and I found it hard to breathe. Gripping the edge of the bathroom counter, I stared at my paled reflection in the mirror.

_Fuck._ She better not be pregnant.

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

After half an hour of staring mindlessly at the TV and telling myself not to panic, I heard the sound of a key through the front door. It opened and Amelia stepped inside.

"Hey," she said softly as she closed the door while holding a white plastic bag in one hand. Her curls were pulled back into a pony tail and her eyes were sunken and bloodshot, staring into mine.

"Hey," I replied, tensing on the couch. I turned to the TV that was playing while I felt her stand there, watching me.

She cleared her throat. "I'm…going to the bathroom."

"Mm." I grunted in response. Beads of sweat formed on my hairline at her words. I knew what was in that bag without asking.

I heard her footsteps fade and the door to the bathroom close. My mind was focused on one thing. She better not be pregnant. Like the past thirty minutes, anger built in me at the thought.

After several minutes, the toilet flushed. Shit. This was it. The moment of truth. If she was pregnant, I swear to god…

The door burst open and I almost jumped. Turning to face Amelia, I saw her clenching a white pregnancy test stick in her hand. Our eyes locked without a word. She came over and sat down beside me, many distance away. I dared to take a glance at the stick, before darting my eyes back to the TV. I noticed she was holding the stick faced down so she couldn't see the result. Hell, we both weren't ready for it.

We sat in silence for a few more minutes while the ticking of the clock on the wall behind us loudened with each second that went by. Gripping onto the remote control the whole time and letting my sweat drench it, I was losing my mind. Damnit, I might as well get it over with. It might not be what we think.

Clearing my throat, I spoke up. "You should check it now."

She swallowed so hard that I heard her nerves shove down her throat. "Mm."

Bracing myself, my head jerked towards her hands. Her knuckles whitened as her fist squeezed the stick briefly before she flipped it over with her fingers firmly covering the test result.

She looked at me, her lips quivering and moisture flooding her brown eyes. Seeing her so anxious, I reached out and squeezed her shoulder, though my heart was pounding in my chest.

Together, we watched as her fingers uncurled over the stick, displaying two red vertical lines vivid against the white on the result screen. My heart tripped and stopped for a second, before speeding up.

"What does two lines mean?" My voice came out louder than I intended and my fists clenched. I was only asking something I already knew the answer to.

She bit her bottom lip to stop it from quivering. "I'm..." She swallowed without continuing.

_Fuck._ Her expression confirmed my fear.

At the sight of Amelia sitting there with her head hung low, heat boiled out my ears, joining the thumping of my heart. Without thinking, I bolted up from the seat, glaring down at the damn thing in her hands.

"What the hell, Nia?!" This can't be happening. She can't be pregnant. Christ, I was already forced into marriage. Now, a baby?! Did I have any control left over my damn life?!

She lifted her head to look at me, her eyes glistening with fear. "I…I don't know." Fumbling with the stick in her hands, she mumbled quickly. "Sometimes it's a false positive. I'll try again with a different brand-"

"Ugh." My hands went into my hair, pulling the roots until I numbed the pain throbbing in my head. "What the hell? You were on the pill!" I started pacing back and forth in front of the couch, glowering at the ground.

"I'm so sorry." I heard the tears in her timid voice. "I missed some days when I went to Las Vegas last month with my friends. I completely forgot the fact and thought it shouldn't matter too much-"

"You didn't think it would matter?!" I stopped abruptly in my track, jabbing my palm at her. "You're pregnant, and you're telling me this now?!"

"Logan, calm down." Her voice was pleading.

"You've got to be kidding me." I muttered with clenched jaws. Breathing sharp, painful air into my lungs, I stood there staring at the damn stick. Leaning down, I grabbed it out of her hands.

There it was, right in the middle of the chunky plastic. Two solid lines of the same faded red. I can't believe this.

"Logan, it might be wrong. I'll try again." Amelia got up in front of me, her small frame reaching up to my lips.

Shaking my head, my eyes never leaving the two red lines on the stick gripped in my hand, pain pulsed through my temple repeatedly. Unable to take it anymore, I threw the stick on the coffee table, as if getting rid of a deadly bomb, and stalked across the room. Grabbing my keys, I reached for the door.

"Where are you going?" Her tone was louder than before, finally shedding her uncharacteristic meekness.

Pausing with a hand on the doorknob, ragged breaths left my throat as I stood there with my back facing Amelia. Slowly, the words seethed through my teeth. "I'm going to get some air. I'll be back."

❤ Leap of Faith ❤

When I got back to the apartment, which I've been sharing with Amelia, it was pitch dark. Stumbling into the living room, I didn't bother with the lights as I tried to muffle my footsteps and find my way to the bedroom.

"Where did you go?" A sharp voice from the centre of the room filled the silence. "It's freaking three-thirty."

My head snapped towards the sound that was on my left. In the dark, I made out Amelia's thin figure sitting on the couch. Her arm reached for the lamp beside her, and a click came to my ears. The room flooded with a yellow light, blinding me temporarily.

Grumbling at the sudden brightness, I lifted my hands in front of my face to shield the light.

"Were you drinking?" Her words were accusatory, though she had the right to be, since I did drink. A lot.

Nevertheless, anger rushed to my head at her tone. She was the one who got us in this situation by missing her pills, and not telling me about it. Now, I was held down by some damn responsibility I never wanted.

"You frigging got knocked up and I can't have a drink?" My voice boomed in the room, echoing off the walls.

"Excuse me, but you had to be there for me to get knocked up." Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, and her face was flushed.

"Woah, so, I see how it is. You're turning this on me?" I started towards the couch, only stopping when I was a foot away. "If you didn't miss your damn pills, do you think this would have happened?"

Her eyes held my glare, shining with fiery. We stuck with our staring contest, our jaws tightened and teeth gritted for minutes, until Amelia broke the gaze.

She sighed. "Look, there's no use fighting about this." She slumped slightly into the couch and looked away, her arms still crossed. After a few seconds, she turned to me, her expression firm. "It's the reality and we just have to face it."

Backing away and feeling my shoulders relax a bit, I nodded towards the ground. "Right, right. You're right." Shoving my hands into my pockets, I paced around the room. Turning to her, I gestured. "We'll book the appointment soon, and get it aborted."

Catching me by surprise, her head jerked up and her hand froze on the strand of hair she was holding. "What?"

Pausing in my path, I shook my head at her, not understanding what she was asking. "You're going to abort it, right? And everything will go back to normal."

Her brows knitted, and her eyes narrowed. "No…" Her tone asked to be challenged. "I'm not killing my baby." She said it like I was a dangerous criminal on the loose.

All my muscles bunched together as I stared at her in shock. "Are you kidding me?" The vein on my forehead started throbbing once again.

Locking with my gaze, she rose slowly. "No, Logan. I'm keeping this baby."

I didn't speak. If I did, I wouldn't be able to control my voice.

I saw courage set in her face as if she was a lioness protecting her cubs. She advanced towards me until she was looking up. "I've thought about it while you were gone to god knows where." Her voice was that of stone while her breaths were heavy and warm on my neck. "I'm going to raise my kid, and I don't need your help." Without a flinch, she added. "It's up to you if you want to be involved or not."

My fists balled as I tried hard to ignore the fire building in my chest. What the hell did she want from me?

"Judging by your reaction and suggestion of abortion, I can see that you don't want the baby. I'll move out first thing in the morning." She said it so coldly that it snapped me out of my anger.

Frustration took over instead. "What the hell, Nia?" I grabbed her arms and leaned down to look her in the eyes. "Are you freaking serious?"

"Yes." Her existing frown deepened and emotions crossed her face, showing her vulnerability. "I've never had anyone close to me my whole life, Logan. I want this baby." Biting on her bottom lip, her voice cracked. "I want to be a good mother and raise him or her in a life I never had. A freaking warm, loving life, instead of maids and a big, cold house to live in."

Seeing her gesture her hands around and the tears pooling in her eyes when she was usually so assertive, my heart ached the slightest bit. Letting out a breath, I said. "But, Nia. I can't…" How the hell did it come to this?

"It's really up to you, Logan." She blinked, tears sticking to her long lashes. "I'm not going to force you into anything. I never did. You're the one who wanted to get engaged and now you can choose to walk away."

Her words struck cords in my heart, so fiercely that it clenched until it hurt. Shaking my head, I tried to think between the guilt and fear mixing into a gigantic, dark cloud over my head. Now, I was really screwed.

Forcing thoughts out of my mind, I asked. "Would you really be fine with the fact that I can't love you?" I didn't dare think about the implication behind my question.

She observed me, a stray curl landing by her eye. "As long as you're good to the baby, I'll be fine." Her finger brushed the curl away. "I remember our promise."

We promised to get married to shut our parents up. We promised to never fall in love with each other. We never promised to not bring a child into this marriage. But, damnit, wasn't it understood? How the hell were we suppose to raise a child in a loveless marriage?

Seeing Amelia's gaze, how it was solid with strength and courage, but held a glimmer of hope and fear, made my heart sink down, and my whole body grow cold. My eyes traveled down to her stomach and the image of a healthy baby came to mind. It would have my DNA. There was no way of running from that.

At the thought, I was met with despair. A creature was growing in her stomach and had clung onto me like a disease that would never heal. This was it. I was to carry this disease to my death bed whether I faced it or not.

I didn't hear my heartbeat anymore as the blood dried in my veins. This was what I'd become. The player, who seemed like he got everything good in life, was now an empty shell of flesh and skin that was being eaten away slowly. Heck, I had always hated my father for controlling my life. But, now I see it. I was controlled by fate. Or maybe it was karma. Whatever the hell it was, I was a slave to it.

Opening my mouth, I heard my voice, a dead, still tone in the air. "Okay, I'll do whatever it takes for the baby."

I lowered my head and stared at the marble tiles on the ground - bleak, cold whites with yellowing cracks running through the smoothness, splitting the tiles into ugly, lost fragments. Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt a dab of moisture on the edges. My heart dried until it was a speck of dust. Finally, I took in a deep breath and forced my eyes open and my head to lift.

Looking into Amelia's big, brown eyes, glistening with tears, I said. "I'm in."

Hell, I knew it even then, that that was the moment I let go of Rory completely. How the hell did my life come to this? I didn't have an answer. But, I knew one thing.

I would never be the same again.

I would never recover.

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**Thanks for reading!**

As you can see, we didn't get to the point of Amelia's miscarriage yet. I intended to have it all in this chapter, but there was a change of plans because... I'm sick :(

I've been in bed yesterday and today. Today, I was starting to feel better. I wanted to post what I had written so far (before I got sick). I told myself to just wait to get better and finish the chapter until the miscarriage like I intended, but I caved because I really wanted to get this chapter out there. To be really honest, I could use some reviews to brighten my mood as it makes me happy to hear from the readers.

Also, I have a few deadlines coming up and a lot of work to catch up on after missing two days, therefore, I don't know when I will have time to write. So, the next chapters might come slower. :(

But, I really hope you guys enjoyed this update nevertheless.

Thank you so much for the reviews and follows. As I said, they make me happy and motivate me to keep writing. Seriously, there's no way I could have written 80k+ words and 21 chapters if it wasn't for all you readers! As much as I enjoy writing, I found out that writing a story is no easy or quick task! But because of you, it's all worth it :) There, I needed that mushiness to lighten my mood. :P


	23. Important Announcement

Dear readers:** This is not a chapter, but an important message.**

Hey everyone :)

Thanks for all your reviews last chapter and well wishes. I'm feeling better now, although not fully recovered.

I have an announcement to make...well, there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just get it out there.

**After some consideration, I've decided to put this story on a ****_mini_**** hiatus. **Notice the word mini! It's so mini that it's only** for 2 months until mid-Jan 2014.**

I have very good reasons (at least to me) for this, so please hear me out.

In mid-December, I'm going on a one month vacation. I aimed to finish the story by then. However, now that it's mid-Nov, I realized there's just too many deadlines and things to do at school and work before then. There are still 7 planned chapters left in this story. Considering the amount of time I spend writing each chapter, I know I won't have time to finish before I go away. I've always immersed myself in the plot and character's mind when I'm writing the story and made sure I was completely satisfied with each chapter before posting.

I believe it's best for the quality of the chapters if I put it aside for now and wait until after my vacation, when I can fully focus on writing again, to continue it. I wouldn't want to rush the next few chapters as they will wrap up everything. I really think you guys will like the ending and epilogue, so I want to share that with you the best I can.

To sum up, **I will start writing for Leap of Faith (LoF) again in mid-Jan, 2014.**

I really, really hope that all of you will still read and enjoy the story then! I personally think what's coming up will be worth the wait :P

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However, you haven't gotten rid of me just yet :P **I'll still be around, updating my other story "It's About Time"**. Each chapter of that story doesn't take long. Therefore, whenever I have time and feel like writing, I can work on that.

If you haven't already, I encourage you to give the story a read. It's quite different from LoF, being light and fun. I hope you guys like it!

Also, don't be surprised if a new story pops up sometime. There's this crazy idea in my head and it just won't go away. We'll see how that goes.

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For the next months, I'm going to miss this story and the characters in it. It'll be kinda weird not writing about the lives of Logan, Rory, Amelia and Sam.

Thanks so much for following my story so far. You guys are really, really great and have encouraged me to keep writing.

**Feel free to ask me any questions!** I would love to explain. :)


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